Wrong Turn, Right Destination
by Emo Bangs
Summary: Kendall Knight thought starting over would be easy but that was before he fell in love. AU, Kendall/James slash with hints of Carlos/Logan
1. Chapter 1

**Author ****Notes**: Hugely inspired by another fanfiction involving badboy!Kendall. Also inspired by Kendall's role in Without a Trace. I wanted to post the first chapter to get some feedback to see if it's worth continuing (even though I've written like the next three chapters already) let me know what you guys think

_His body trembled violently as he loomed over the body, chest heaving with the effort to drag air into his lungs. The contrast of the blood dripping from the knife he held hitting the spotless white carpet was sickening. His rapid heartbeat thudded in his ears, accompanied by the horrified sobbing of his mother and little sister. _

_A horrible guilt nagged at him for what he'd done to them but at the same time, it was to protect them. However, he'd never be able to protect his sister from all the rumors that would spread at school that her older brother was arrested or his mom from all the neighbors gossiping behind her back about how her son had killed her husband. The little remaining innocence they'd viewed in him was now completely shattered._

He tried his hardest to block out that night, finding it would be a true luxury to forget everything and have a new, clean slate. Instead, he was left with a cracked, broken slate, filled with scribbled writing, messy scratches representing each and every mistake he'd ever made. The ink was permanent, to follow him around for the rest of his life. Sometimes it seemed as if there were a million mistakes weighing him down. Each mistake resulted in a vicious scar; he must've been covered in them by now.

He supposed that was one plus about this place, no one cared enough to ask. He appreciated how everyone else wanted isolation just as much as he did. Most days he would just lie around lazily, forming lyrics in his head. He usually stopped when they got too morbid. He typically didn't waste too much time doing so.

It was approaching three years since he'd been locked in there and he'd grown indifferent to his stay. There wasn't a single aspect of fun or enjoyment but he'd developed a routine that was now deeply embedded in his mind. He didn't even have to think about it anymore; it was just muscle memory. He just stumbled through his day like a zombie, lethargic and apathetic.

His day usually started around 9am with a barely edible breakfast, that consisted of hard rock muffins and lumpy oatmeal. After that, he hung out in the courtyard with all the other guys, usually just sitting alone for a while before doing a quick workout session right before lunch.

Lunch was rarely any better than breakfast and he often just pushed the food around, a look of disgust on his face. His stoic, indifferent expression kept most of the guys from harassing him. It was rare for someone beat up the guy who didn't have a problem with anyone.

After that, he partook in the prison's inadequate schooling program. He figured he learned barely a quarter of what he would if he was in an actual school.

He spent the rest of the day in his cell, doing anything to pass the copious amount of idle time he had. Dinner typically went down the same way as lunch. And to round of his evening, he spent a hour in group therapy, a state requirement in addition to his sentence.

He hated it. All it consisted of was two different therapist coercing him into sharing his feelings about his imprisoning experience then making him feel extremely guilty about his decision. He never told anyone the real reason he did it; he knew no one would care, no one would sympathize with him so he saw no point in sharing his feelings.

It was ironic; his lack of sleep wasn't due to the uncomfortable, spine crippling mattress or the heartbreaking miles of distance he was from home. Granted those things did contribute to his horrible sleep quality but it was mostly the disturbingly horrific dreams that plagued him when he actually fell asleep.

Then the next morning he had to get up and, on minimal sleep, do it all again. There was one day a month that made it all worth it. It was the day his family came to visit him, his mom and sister, the only family he had, the only family he had ever known.

His extended family (both his mom and his "dad"'s side) had promptly cut off all contact with them after the accident. Words couldn't even begin to express how grateful he was that his mom and sister didn't do the same, that they forgave him for his wrongful action.

Not that he wanted to jinx it by questioning their forgiveness but he couldn't help wondering why they didn't resent him still. his mom still loved him because she always declared she would no matter what he did and she knew exactly what the future would've held if he didn't stop the older man. As for Katie, she was too young and innocent at the time to really understand exactly what he'd done.

She'd grown up considerably in the time he'd been away; she was no longer the sweet, quiet 7 year old girl he left behind. Now she was an outspoken, headstrong 10 year old. And yet, it still left a deep ache in his heart every time she visited him there. He didn't care how much she'd grown up; prison was no place for his baby sister.

He was filled with shame as he watched them approach, his mom holding Katie snug against her side. He smiled the best he could, wanting to assure the two that he was surviving just fine. He gazed through the glass barrier distantly before snapping back to reality. Every time he saw Katie, he regressed back a few years to his protective nature towards the little girl.

He grabbed the phone that was connected to the other side. Relief flooded his veins at the sound of his mom's voice, it gave him a comforting sense of familiarity.

"Hi sweetie."

"Hey mom," he replied, offering a small wave. His lips tweaked into an actual smile when Katie waved back at him excitedly. They exchanged small talk for a few minutes before his mom's face lit up in sudden joy. "I talked to the lawyer yesterday and he said they're letting you out early for good behavior."

"Seriously?" he questioned, excitement entering his voice for what seemed like the first time in years.

"He said you can come home next Thursday," she announced with a giant smile on her face.

"Oh man! Does that mean I have to give up my media room?" he can hear Katie whine on the other line. Chuckling fondly, he couldn't wait until he finally got to go home. Every time his family came to visit, he was always left with a gaping hole of loneliness when they left. he always missed them like crazy. But this time, alongside this feeling, he felt overwhelmingly excited. He couldn't believe he was getting out in less than a week; he could finally put this place in the rear view mirror.

He counted down everyday until he got to busy out of the place. It was the first thing he thought when he woke up in the morning (longing to smell his mom's homemade blueberry pancakes) and the last when he went to sleep at night (missing when he would sing Katie to sleep).

He figured none of his friend's would visit him when he got out; none of them had bothered to see him while he was in there. Then again he would think he was insane too if he saw through their misunderstanding perspectives. They were completely oblivious to the logical reasoning behind his seemingly irrational action. It literally shook him with rage to think how everyone judged him without any knowledge or basis.

6 days, 22 hours, and 17 minutes until he was a free man, no longer chained down by his past.

He was allowed one phone call a week and, since he saw his mom and sister whenever they visited, he usually just let it go to waste since he didn't have anyone to call. The guard seemed surprised when he announced his desire to use his phone call that next day.

He had no clue what made him do so but he found himself dialing an oddly familiar number, considering he hadn't used it in the 3 years he'd been locked up. He pressed the phone to his ear, counting the number of rings until the other line finally picked up.

"Hello?"

He had to bite his tongue to keep from sighing at the girl's sweet, familiar voice. "Hey Jo," he said, voice shaking slightly. "It's Kendall."

Jo had been his best friend since they were both extremely young. they grew up together and became inseparable, hanging out almost everyday neither of them were busy with their designated extracurricular activities.

She was easily the closest friend he had. He told her everything, all his deep thoughts and feelings. She was the first person he came out to, the only to know the bruises that littered his face weren't from hockey like he insisted to everyone else.

She was the one who could always see past the confident, protective facade he put up and still loved the terrified, insecure boy that he suppressed within. She was, without a doubt, his best friend in the whole world and that's why it hurt that much more when she hung up without another word.

Devastated, he hung up the phone, shoulders slumped as he was escorted back to his cell. He found it impossible to dull the ache in his heart. He was in utter shock, still refusing to that believe his best friend hated him, especially since she was the only person who knew the reason he did what he did.

He was outraged that years of pain and suffering wasn't enough justification for her. He thought she might be able to understand but now that he knew she couldn't, he knew no one would ever be able to.

5 days, 3 hours and 57 minutes until he could run away again, escape his prison, both figuratively and literally.

Thoughts and fantasies filled his head, supplying him with images of what his life was gonna be like after he got out. He established the previous day that he no longer had any friends. School would be a nightmare, even more so than before.

Everyone staring at him, whispering and gossiping, obviously indifferent to his feelings. With all the rumors that would resurface due to his return, everyone would keep their distance. Maybe after years of isolation that wasn't such a bad thing.

The only thing that really made him furious was being judged for his decisions by people who just had no clue whatsoever. That was the single thing that bred his skepticism towards humanity.

3 days, 12 hours and 15 minutes until his struggle to maintain a normal began.

Thursday couldn't and didn't come fast enough. He woke up early, too excited for the day that had finally come. Anticipation got the best of him the precious day and he'd already packed up the few possessions he was allowed to have, a picture of his mom and sister which was now bent since a frame was considered too dangerous and his notebook which was now filled with pages and pages of scribbled ideas and morbid lyrics. That was all he had but it was okay because that was all he needed.

4 hours and 58 minutes until he could get by with more than just the bare minimum.

He could honestly confess that he had dreamt about this very moment. The last time he'd have to walk through these halls. All the other inmates glared in intense jealousy, mouthing off harsh expletives that he didn't take personally. It was finally his time and nothing could take away that joy.

The guard shoved the door open and Kendall was almost blinded by the bright California sun. He'd never seen it shine so gloriously. He could see Katie and his mom waiting by the car across the street. They both waved enthusiastically, Katie trying to mask her excitement. His handcuffs were removed and he was allowed to move on his own, without anyone ushering him because of safety reasons.

He took his first steps as a free man and there was no better feeling in the world. Excitement rushing through his veins, he ran as fast as his legs would carry him, meeting his mom halfway for an emotional, tight hug. He wrapped his arms around her, sobbing on her shoulder, overcome with emotion.

"Mom," he cried, holding onto her tightly.

"Kendall honey," she cooed, hand running through his shaggy hair. "Look at you! Look at how you've grown! We'll have to cut your hair!"

"Mom," he groaned with a chuckle, pulling back from her.

"Oh sweetie, I've missed you so much!" she pulled him back into her arms.

"I missed you too," he whispered. He couldn't deny the tears filling his eyes. It'd been 3 years since he'd had any physical contact and it felt so good to feel someone's comforting arms around him. He broke away from his mom to stand in front of Katie. He couldn't believe how big she'd gotten, how much she'd grown in just 3 years.

"Oh my god! Katie!" he exclaimed, arms around her waist, picking her up and spinning her around. "Look how much you've grown! you're so much taller than I remember!"

"Well duh," she muttered, rolling her eyes affectionately, "That tends to happen."

"You missed me."

"I would never admit it out loud," she said proudly, arms crossed over her chest.

"You ready to go home sweetie?" his mom asked, rubbing a hand down his arm.

"Yeah," he nodded. He honestly couldn't wait to finally go home.


	2. Chapter 2

They were driving down the quiet highway, casually chatting and catching up. Katie craned her body around in her seat, extending her hand behind the seat. He looked down and saw his phone in her hand.

"We thought you'd want this," she said, "We had to turn if off because it was going off at least 17 times everyday."

Curiously, he turned it on, finding he had 54 new messages, 26 missed calls and 4 new voice mails. Half of the calls and texts were from people he didn't know pestering and harassing him about all the shit that was none of their business. He wondered how they got his number anyways. The remaining calls and texts were from his friends and a few were from his dad's side of the family.

_New message from Uncle Barry_  
"_Listen you crazy prick, you better fucking pay for what you did."_

_New message from Aunt Judy_  
"_I hope you rot for a lifetime in prison."_

_New message from Jo_  
"_What the hell's going on Kendall?"_

_New message from Jo_  
"_Seriously you've been AWOL for days. Text me."_

_New message from Jo_  
"_I'm not kidding Kendall, call me."_

_New message from Jo_  
"_These rumors are spreading like wildfire. I don't know what to believe anymore Kendall. Call me."_

_New voicemail from Jo_  
"_Hey, I just saw the news. I can't believe you killed your dad. My mom is worried and doesnt want me talking to you anymore. And I think she's right. I'm sorry Kendall but please don't try to contact me."_

He sighed angrily shutting his phone and tossing it across the backseat. Ignoring the questioning looks from his mom and Katie, he peered out the window at the passing scenery, now dreading how his life would play out.

It was extremely difficult but he tried not to let all the small unimportant things affect his homecoming. All the stares and whispered words, however, from his neighbors as he walked up to the house he hadn't seen in three years fueled a deep rage within himself.

He would have launched himself at Mr. Harrison, who blatantly pointed at him and whispered to his kids, if Katie hadn't shoved him through the door. The house looked just the same as when he left. The only different between now and then was the few boxes scattered around the living room. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Well sweetie," his mom began cautiously. "We just thought it'd be nice to get a fresh start. We're moving to Minnesota."

Even after the big news was dropped, Kendall couldn't bring himself to care. His life here had crumbled and withered over time, over his mistakes. A new life was exactly what he wanted, what he needed. "When do we leave?" he asked with a grin.

He spent that evening, his first night back, packing. It seemed he couldn't pack up his old life fast enough. Therapy. This was far more therapeutic than all the group sessions he attended up all his stuff and tossing away all the painful memories, he cleansed all the negativity from his life. He froze when he came across a picture of him and Jo. The pure happiness in their smiles sank his heart with a conflicting sadness. He just had to accept that his life now, like the photo, had been thrown away.

Even the lack of eventfulness in his night couldn't bring him down. He was free and could do anything he wanted. He was looking forward to a nice, home-cooked meal. Words couldn't express how inedible and questionable the majority of the prison food was. He could not wait to eat actual food. he wondered what it'd be like eating dinner just the three of them. He hadn't eaten a home meal since that night that started it all.

_It was a nice evening. The California sun was slowly setting, creating a beautiful dim scene in the sky. The air was light with content. Kendall helped set the table as his mom finished cooking dinner. this picture perfect scene was shattered the second the door slammed shut. His heart snapped in two when his little sister looked up at him with wide, innocent brown eyes and asked. "Is Daddy mad again?"_

_Kendall did his best to put on a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about it, sis." He hoped she missed the flinch that shook his body when the obviously angered man flopped down in the seat beside him. The tremble didn't leave his body even as they silently ate dinner. He was waiting for that inevitable set off that just made him snap._

_Fed up with all his dad's shit, he knew he wouldn't be able to take one more unexplainable bruise, one more declaration of his worthlessness or one more night of listening to his mom's heart-wrenching sobs. That's why this time, when his dad started yelling at him, he was the one to throw the first punch._

His mind was flooded by horrific images of his past, vivid memories on a constant loop as he walked through the living room.

He could almost see his father's dead body lying before him, feel the adrenaline rushing through his veins. He took a deep breath and pressed on, walking into the kitchen. He was surprised to see Katie setting the table. "You're setting the table?" he questioned in disbelief.

She shrugged, "Mom lets me watch an extra hour of TV if I do," she explained.

"Makes sense," Kendall commented as he sat down in his usual spot. Ignoring the memory of his dad that bore into his mind, he smiled and thanked his mom for dinner. He couldn't shake the sorrowful reminiscent feeling that washed over him.

Regardless, dinner felt perfect; it felt like what a real family dinner should be, casual conversation, not enraged arguments that always escalated to more. Even though he'd never bring it up to ask, he wondered if the other two felt the same.

"So I called a recommended therapist in Minnesota," his mom brought up randomly as she twirled a bite of spaghetti around her fork.

"Mom, I really don't want to go to _more _therapy," Kendall groaned.

"I thought the 3 of us could go," his mom explained calmly.

Kendall sighed to himself, he supposed he knew how they felt now. Apparently everything was as perfect as he thought. Nothing like family therapy to reopen the door he just slammed shut.

The time had finally come. Nightfall settled all around them. It was indescribable how ecstatic he was just to sleep in his own bed. No more stuff, unsupportive mattress; no more waking up with random aches and pains. And now there was a possibility of actually sleeping through the night.

He had just finished changing into his pjs, relishing the soft, comfortableness of the cotton against his skin. He was slipping under the covers when there was a knock on his door. "Come in," he called softly. The door opened revealing Katie standing there, also clad in her pjs. "hey Katie," his voice obviously expressed shock since his little sister was walking over to his bed.

"I can't sleep," she murmured, "will you sing me a song like you always used to?"

A fond smile tweaked at his lips. He hadn't sung to Katie in years. He lifted the covers and motioned for her to lie down. Putting an arm around her shoulders as she settled beside him, he started singing one of the less morbid songs he'd written recently. Once he was done, he was going to ask her opinion but a soft, steady breathing was the only answer he received. He kissed her forehead, noting how for the first time in a long time, things seemed content.

Another soft knock. He looked up and saw his mom walking in, a green mug in her hand. "I brought you some cocoa," she said, setting it down on his night stand. She gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed beside him, "Listen sweetie," she spoke softly. "I know you don't want to go to any more therapy..."

"It's just...I've put that all behind me. I've had my closure, I don't want to dig all that up again," he justified, hints of reluctance and pain in his voice.

"I know," she empathized, patting his leg. " I think Katie needs to go through this with us. She has really grown up since then but she's still confused about it all."

Kendall looked down at his baby sister. It hurt him strongly to think how deeply this all affected her but at the same time, he did it for her, to protect her, keep her safe. After all, that was his job as her big brother, prevent any monsters from hurting her. he knew he'd do anything for her, to protect, to preserve his carefree innocence.

"I just want to leave this all behind," he whimpered, gazing up at his mom with pleading eyes.

"Maybe once it's all out in the open we can do that," she said, standing up and kissing his head. "Night Sweetie. Just try to some sleep. We'll figure everything out later." As he drifted to sleep, he could only hope he would figure it all out.

The next morning he awoke to a rustling from downstairs. He peered around, briefly taking in his surroundings and declaring, ecstatically, that it was no all some cruel dream. Gently, he untangled himself from Katie who continued sleeping peacefully.

A moving truck was parked outside and Kendall found himself smiling. The sooner they moved the better, there was nothing left for him in this town. He padded downstairs, dodging the multiple men carrying boxes and furniture out of the house. He found his mom in the kitchen, brewing a pot of coffee.

"Are we hittin' the road today?" he asked, referring to the loading of the moving van.

"Unless you want to stay longer," his mom answered.

"No," he replied too quickly, very decisively. "I don't want to stay another minute."

"That bad huh?"

Kendall shrugged not wanting to explain everything. "There's no reason for me to stay."

His mom just nodded, thankfully not pressing the matter any further.

They were ready to go that afternoon and, as they drove away, Kendall watched his old life vanish into the rear-view mirror. He rested his head on the window, hoping that when he woke up, he'd wake up to his brand new life.

A bitter coldness assaulted his body as he woke up, a deep crick in his neck.

"Well we're certainly not in LA anymore," he heard his mom say to Katie.

"Good," he mumbled, staring at his new home. He peered out the window intently as they drove through town. He took mental notes of the possibly entertaining places he could visit, the top couple being an arcade and an ice rink.

A deep yearning resided in his heart for the sport he was forced to give up years ago. It had always been a great stress relief, a perfect outlet for all his built up aggression. Hockey was so much more than just a hobby to him. It used to be his life. He wondered if it would reclaim that status. He knew he would definitely have to visit the ice rink.

His eyes fell upon a single movie theater, the kind that only small towns had. The other two seemed to notice this as well because his mom was suggesting they see a movie instead of unpacking. Kendall, who was still tired from the whole move, couldn't have agreed more.

The drive from downtown to their new home was just under ten minutes. It would be a relatively short walk to town. Kendall found this extremely intriguing considering, even though he was 18, he didn't have his license. He was taken away right after he got his permit.

A part of him was curious as to where the school was. It'd be nice to start at a school where no one knew him and yet at the same time it would be unpleasant, trying to find a place to fit in in a brand new school. He took solace in the fact that it'd at least be better than returning to his old school.

It was almost funny how LA and this small town in Minnesota were polar opposites. LA was big and spacious, filled with opportunities and people seeking fame and fortune for a better life. Small Town was small and crowded, filled with little or no promise and people content to settle with their mediocre lives.

But in the most laughable irony, Kendall didn't find it the least bit suffocating. It was actually quite the opposite for him, liberating, freeing. Most people around here probably wanted to escape this small town but, for Kendall, it _was_ his escape.

Kendall soaked up the complete lack of attention he received when they went out that night. No one was whispering behind his back or pointing him out to their friends. The only attention he got was a few girls giggling and smiling at him. It was nice to know they were only wondering if he was single, not the morbid details of his past. Uninterested in the girls themselves (they were cute but not exactly his type), he brushed past them, following his mom and sister into the single theater that wasn't even a forth of the ones in LA.

A few scattered people sat in the lesser quality chairs, some of which looked as if they'd break any second. They sat down after finding some steady-enough looking chairs. Kendall peered around the small theater, also noting the ripped carpet and the questionable stains on the walls.

A couple minutes passed before his attention was stolen from counting the number of cracked ceiling tiles as 3 teenage guys walked in, laughing and grinning as they walked down the aisle. Kendall wasn't sure what was more attention grabbing: the fact that the two shorter boys had their fingers proudly laced together or the tall, well-built guy that was walking alongside them.

Kendall thought it was great that the couple was so open and proud about it; to was even greater that no one seemed to care. There were certain parts of LA where they would get attacked or even killed for simply holding hands. But still Kendall found his gaze was stolen by the extremely attractive stranger.

He'd known he was gay since he could remember. he had always gravitated towards the guys, finding them more interesting and entertaining. His best friend was a girl and it was always easy to relate to her. He finalized his presumption freshman year when he found his eyes wondering in the locker room after gym.

Considering the majority of the guys he'd seen the past 3 years were old, hairy, and/or fat convicts, this guy was definitely a sight for sore eyes. He watched slightly excited as they sat down just two rows in front of them. The Latino boy immediately put his arm around the smaller boy, who settled against his side. The previews were no longer even remotely interesting.

Even as the movie started his gaze was fixed elsewhere, mind creating different possibilities to who this hot mystery guy was. Halfway through the movie he was barely watching, the couple besides the hot guy started making out. Kendall looked around frantically, genuinely shocked that no one was glaring at them in disgust. Everyone was just continuing to watch the movie like it was nothing out of the ordinary.

This town truly was nothing like LA. The two guys were fairly attractive and Kendall caught himself observing their publicly intimate affection. He was only human; thus he couldn't deny the affect their display had on him. Though it was hard, among other things, he focused on the movie, wondering why he agreed to see this god-awful movie in the first place.

Not even five minutes later, the Latino was nodding to the stranger as he dragged the other boy out of the theater. Kendall could only imagine what the couple was about to do or how shitty it must have felt to go from the third wheel to the ditch third wheel.

For a few seconds, he just watched him sitting along before leaning over to Katie, announcing that he was going to go sit with him. She responded with a grin and a "go get him big bro."

He got up and ducked as he walked two rows forward, taking a seat next to the well dressed guy, "I'm Kendall," he leaned over to tell him, stifling a sigh at the sweet scent o the other's cologne. "and you seem way too nice to be sitting alone." By nice, Kendall meant smoking but he'd never admit that straight to his face.

"James," the other returned with a soft, captivating smile. His deep, yet sweet voice made his heart melt a little. "And you'd think I'd learn since this happens almost every week. And it's always a movie I never wanted to see."

"Tell me about it," Kendall muttered with a contradicting smile.

Somehow sitting by this guy, James, made the movie bearable. Maybe it was the witty commentary or that he was the most attractive guy he'd seen in years. It was also the first time in those years that he'd laughed so hard he almost cried. He couldn't believe how easily/well/naturally they clicked and got along.

This alone was more than enough to justify the move. The best part...this guy didn't know him at all. He could just be Kendall Knight, a fun-loving, funny, confident guy rather than Kendall Knight murderer. The credits seemed to roll far too soon. Kendall stood up along side James, chatting with him casually as they exited the theater.

"Do they ever play any good movies?" he asked curiously, chuckling.

James laughed along with him. "Very rarely."

Kendall flashed a charming smile. "Well, keep an eye on that and let me know."

James seemed to share his flirtatious smile as he nodded. "Will do."

Kendall nodded in departure and walked over to where his mom and Katie were waiting in the car. He got in the backseat, smile still etched on his face.

"Did you make a friend?" his mom asked, pulling away from the curb.

"Yeah, I think so." He could tell life was going to be much, _much _better here.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This chapters starts to get into James' background which I'm really excited to weave into the story. Even though they're not primary characters, I felt some parts from Logan and Carlos' point of views were necessary and effective to tell the story

Jealousy was a brutally bitter emotion. It coursed through his veins like a lethal injection, intended to bring him down. He hoped this didn't translate through as he stared at the blatant adoration his dad and step-mom showered his sister with while completely ignoring him.

He wasn't sure why he was so enraged by the void of attention towards him; it certainly wasn't the first or even the 100th time this had happened. He spent the majority of his childhood struggling to gain their attention (subsequently their love) away from his, in their eyes, perfect, flawless sister.

She was 26 now and was still favored over him, despite the fact that she no longer lived with them. She had her own house, family and life but she still won the favorite child contest. There were no ill-intentions towards his sister amidst his jealousy. He loved her dearly contrary to what his ever-present resentment led people to believe.

It could be said that this alone, his fight for attention fueled his desire to be famous. He wanted it all; the fame, the attention, his name in lights, thousands screaming for him. He was going to leave this small town and pursue his dream in LA...someday.

James also strongly believed in destiny. It wasn't just a silly idea to him; it was a strong and unstoppable cosmic force that would ultimately decide the path of his life. That didn't stop him from working his hardest to achieve his dream. But he knew if it was truly meant to be, it would happen eventually, one way or another.

It felt like destiny that Carlos chose that night to drag him to the theater (though it wasn't exactly an uncommon occurrence) and ditched him for sexual favors from his boyfriend (another common occurrence), causing him to meet a totally cool guy who kind of seemed into him. He chose to mentally explore the outcomes of developing a friendship with this guy.

That easily outweighed listening to his family gush over how perfect his sister and fiance's life was. They were expecting a baby girl in a little over two months and James was just as excited as his dad and step-mom to welcome the baby into the family but he knew it would steal any remaining shard of his parents' attention.

He sighed audibly as he exited the room, his departure completely unnoticed. He retreated to the guest house which was declared his when his family's ignorance finally drove him away. It was fine with them, nothing would really change.

They hardly noticed he was there when he lived in the same house; they certainly wouldn't notice him in his absence. Besides the nagging bitterness that often settled deep in his gut at the loneliness he often felt, he loved having his own place. He was free to do whatever he pleased there, no worries about his parents walking in, not that they typically did anyways.

He ventured back to his closet, picking out his clothes for the next day. He could only hope the new day would brighten his outlook on his dull life.

School was average at its best, as usual. High school just wasn't his forte; he wasn't a lady's man or popular with the guys. The only thing that probably kept him from getting beat up was the fact that he was on the varsity hockey team. Any coolness he might have gained from that though, was lost because of his strong involvement in the performing arts, choir and theater.

All his extracurricular activities kept his schedule absolutely packed. It wasn't a particular surprise to him when his grades started to slowly slip. With so many balls in the air, it was often difficult to keep track of them all and keep them all in the air.

It was a daily battle that he fought just to survive; all his hard work and determination would pay off someday in an excess of success. The Dream would make it all worth it. He just had to remind himself that everyday to get through. He pulled up to his friend's house and texted his arrival.

Carlos' dad was paranoid that someone would destroy his car if he drove himself (Carlos' dad was a cop and had busted quite a few kids at their school before) so he agreed to drive him to school every morning.

His house was on his way anyway. He peered out his window, rolling his eyes as Carlos came out, tugging their other friend, his boyfriend behind him. _Of course_, he thought. He was happy for his friends that they discovered how happy they make one another but after almost two years he was getting rather sick of being a third wheel.

"You guys have a good night?" he asked bitterly, glancing at the two in his rear view mirror.

Carlos grinned and nodded while Logan blushed lightly.

"You know one of you can sit up front," he reminded them right as they shared a sweet, intimate kiss. He sighed, reluctantly leaving them alone to have their perfect moment, longing to find love like his friends.

There was always _one _advantage to Logan sleeping at Carlos' and riding to school with them the next morning. It was hard to explain but Logan had this effect on Carlos. The usually spastic, talkative teen was uncharacteristically calm when the smart, quiet boy was around.

James wasn't a morning person and those times when Logan rode with them, he got his much needed peace and quiet. When it was just Carlos (which luckily wasn't often), the boy would talk and talk and talk and it drove him absolutely crazy.

It was a lesser of two evils he had to chose from, lonely or irritated. It was one of those days where he was glad drama was his first class of the day. He had plenty of it in his life and the class was a nice outlet to get it all out.

Kendall wasn't quite as invisible as he would've liked. Scattered gazes followed him around as he walked through the halls of his new school. His own eyes were roaming around, taking in each and every new sight. It was all foreign to him and he was just trying to gain some recognition over it all.

He wore a scowl as he returned the other students' stares, clearly telling them to buzz off. He knew they were probably just curious about the new kid but many years of excess attention made him paranoid that everyone who looked at him was silently judging him.

It was simply human nature to judge people, he knew that. The ill-reason behind his judgement was what got under his skin. He knew he couldn't control other's thoughts but luckily, with this fresh beginning, he could create a new perception for himself.

Today was just a meeting with the principal to ensure his enrollment went smoothly. His mom feared the controversy that could arise from his attendance; he hadn't been in public school for three years, the prison's schooling wasn't exactly up to par and there was the whole criminal record.

Kendall was genuinely surprised during his meeting when the principal, Ms. Mitchell, didn't once judge or mistreat him due to his past. "I believe in equal opportunities for any and all students," she explained, "You seem like a good kid Kendall. You just made a mistake."

Kendall's gaze snapped up, an odd resentment in his eyes. "It wasn't a mistake," he muttered, unable to calm the anxious shake in his leg.

_This _caught the woman off guard, eyes wide, mouth hung open. "I-well, okay. I don't see there being any problems enrolling you Kendall." she shuffled around some papers on her desk, "We'll process the paperwork and you should be attending by the end of the week."

After thanking the woman, the two left the school and headed towards a diner they saw downtown. Kendall knew his mom had an ulterior motive to taking him to lunch and he dreaded discovering this reason. It probably pertained to his comment back in the principal's office; it was expected that he regretted his crime, it wasn't socially acceptable that he didn't, not at all, not one bit. Why would he regret something that he did simply to protect his family? He didn't understand why people would chastise him for that. Because no one knew. No one cared that he had legit motives behind his crime. They saw only what they wanted to see. _A monster._

After ordering their lunch, Kendall's eyes fell down to the slow-trickling water droplets traveling down his glass. He was just waiting for the lecture he knew was coming. He'd heard the words a thousand times and there wasn't anything anyone could do to make it sound new. There was nothing more he could take from it, nothing more to learn.

"We're going to therapy," his mom said abruptly, sipping at her water.

He was only slightly surprised at her words. He was expecting a lecture but wasn't shocked that she brought up his most dreaded topic.

"Mom," he groaned, ready to protest.

"I've already decided Kendall," she cut him off firmly. "We're going."

"I can't do any more," he whispered, his tone of voice alone begging her to change her mind. Therapy was _any_thing but therapeutic for him; it was closer to torture, slowly afflicting pain on his soul. He could still remember each agonizing second of it.

"_Kendall," the lead therapist turned to address him, "Why did you kill your father?"_

_They all knew his opinion about group sessions; he'd made it abundantly clear from the get-go. "Why would you do that?"_

_He didn't answer, just sat there, silent and stoic. He always did this and yet they never got the message. It was a huge waste of time but they did it anyways. If anything, these group sessions made him angrier than he was in the first place. _

"_Did you ever stop to think how this would affect your mom...your little sister?"_

_Those words seemed to strike a chord because he had to bite his tongue to keep from screaming out and his knuckles went white from the tight clench of the fists he struggled to hold back. _

_Who was this asshole to bring his family into it? He didn't know a god damn thing about his life. But still, he didn't respond; he knew the only words that would come out would ruin any change of early dismissal and he __had_ _to get out of there as soon as possible. _

"Do it for Katie."

Those words brought him out of his thoughts and fueled a deep rage within him. "Don't do that Mom," he hissed, hands almost shaking with anger. "Don't use Katie to guilt me into this!"

His mom looked surprised by his outburst.

"You know I love Katie and would do _any_thing for her!"

"I know sweetie. Our first appointment is on Monday right after school."

"Fantastic," he murmured, apathetic to any translated sarcasm.

"Just promise me you'll give it an honest try."

He remained silent because he really wasn't ready to promise anything.

The next few days seemed to blur together in a rapid whirlwind. It was all going by so fast that it was a struggle to just keep up. By the time he knew it, his first day of school had approached and all the nerves returned. He was almost tempted to ask his mom if he could just stay home but he would rather just go then have to endure his mom's interrogation of why exactly he was so reluctant to go. But it was Friday (why they made him start on a Friday and not just wait until Monday, he had absolutely no clue) and he only had to get through one day then he had the weekend.

His stomach twisted in knots as he stepped out of the car, waving back at his mom as she drove away. Approaching the main entrance, he got swept up in the hustle and bustle of the school. Groups of clique stood around, chatting casually. The concept was perplexing to him and he never understood why they had to stand right in the middle of the hallway. And then they would shoot a dirty look to whoever accidentally bumped them trying to brush past them.

Kendall knew this because a, his old school wasn't the friendliest one around and b, because a much taller, much stronger jock was spinning around, calling him out for the accidental shoulder bump that occurred when Kendall tried to get past them.

"Hey man, you got a problem?" he called, chest puffing out in a showy display of male dominance.

Kendall rolled his eyes before turning around and shaking his head. "No, just trying to get by."

"Well next time watch where you're fucking going," the jock persisted still.

Kendall shook his head with a slight chuckle. This guy had no clue what he was getting himself into.

It was Friday and James couldn't have been more ecstatic of the fact. The weekend was near. He was looking forward to finally having a break, having than just five minutes here and there to himself. There was no need to worry about school work, or hockey practice and drama rehearsal. He could just curl up on the couch with some tea and watch a game or even just catch up on the sleep he desperately needed.

His friends had disappeared the second they got to school and James didn't bother to track where they were going. Besides, he was more than capable of standing on his own; he didn't need company to be content. But it sure helped. Just because he was an incredibly strong, independent individual it wasn't as if he didn't feel the same sense of loneliness as everyone else. He just didn't let it show.

The tinge of bad mood that was creeping up on him instantly vanished when his eyes fell upon a surprising sight. The guy from the movie the other night, the incredibly cute one that had sat with him so he didn't feel like a loser was walking down the hallway, ducking past a bunch of air-headed, ill-tempered football jocks. He watched as Kendall failed miserably at passing by them without any trouble.

In his attempt to do so, Kendall must have bumped into the leader accidentally because a split second later, the jock was calling him out and the other boy was delusionally standing up to him. Considering their first sweet meeting, James was rather fond of this guy and didn't want him go get pummeled on his first day.

Right as Kendall stepped forward to make the first move, James interfered, stepping between them. Maybe it was because he stepped in at the worst possible second or it could be that Brett was still pissed a "little fairy" like him beat him in floor hockey during gym last week but his interference didn't prevent any violence, just deflected it onto himself. He stumbled back at the impact of the other's first colliding with his jaw.

Kendall stared in shock was James took the punch intended for him. His arms shot out to catch the other as he stumbled back. The jock just shook his head and returned to his group of mindless followers. James rubbed a hand over his jaw, which was already swelling slightly.

"Hey, Kendall right?" James greeted him.

Kendall couldn't help the small smile that tweaked at his lips. "Yeah. Hey James. Why don't we get you to the nurses office?"

Even though James had to lead the way, Kendall accompanied him to the nurses office. He noted how the woman seemed to recognize the other boy. "Another sports injury James?"

Kendall could pick up the sarcasm in her voice.

James just shrugged his broad shoulders. "Hockey's a rough sport."

Kendall's eyes perked up at the word; his eyes darted to gaze at the other boy. Did he really just hear him right? He didn't know what excited him more: that the school had a hockey team (not every school did) or that this incredibly attractive, sweet guy liked hockey too.

"Sure, hockey." More sarcasm.

"Just get me some ice so I don't look like this all day," James demanded softly, referring to his jaw which was now starting to discolor a deep blue and purple.

"You play hockey?" Kendall turned to ask, unable to hide the excitement in his voice.

"Yeah, varsity team," James answered proudly. He seemed to pick up on Kendall's high energy for the topic. "What about you?"

"Yeah, hockey used to be my life," Kendall replied dreamily. He truly missed the sport. It used to be everything he had to look forward to. It got him through a lot of tough times in his life. He longed to be on the ice again, to feel the irreplaceable rush it entailed.

"What changed?" James questioned curiously.

"Everything," Kendall told him vaguely. With this new start he didn't want to bring his old life up. No one needed to know and he surely wasn't going to be the one to bring it up. Before James could question him, he changed the subject. "So why'd you interfere back there?"

"Because you seemed nice and you didn't deserve to your face rearranged," James justified, 100% serious.

"I could've taken him. I dealt with guys far worse than him in pr-" Kendall caught himself before he finished, thankfully smoothly correcting himself. "Back in LA."

Luckily James was too awestruck at the mention of the big city. "You lived in LA?" It was now James turn to express excess excitement.

Kendall nodded. "Born and raised."

"I'm gonna move there someday to be famous," James informed him abruptly. Kendall noticed a spark in the other's soft, expressive brown eyes. He could tell this was James' dream just by watching his face light up simply talking about it. Even with this observation, it stilled surprised Kendall when the other boy suddenly began singing. "People say I'm the life of the party because I tell a joke or two..."

If Kendall lacked all self-control, his jaw would've hit the floor. At that second he was astounded, absolutely blown away. James had the most amazing voice he'd ever heard, it was smooth and soft but held such raw power that truly captivated the listener. James captivated him...James' _voice_, of course.

"Yeah, we know James," the nurse cut him off, placing the icepack to his jaw, silencing him mid-lyric.

"Lou-oww," he muttered, holding the pack to his jaw. After thanking the nurse, the two departed, heading towards their classes.

Kendall was about to say something charming (the exact words he hadn't formed yet) when he was interrupted before he could even begin.

"James!" the voice shouted in a hushed voice, concern coming across as anger. They both turned to see a shorter boy peeking his head out of the classroom. "Class started 3 minutes ago, get your butt in here!"

James rolled his eyes.

"You better go before you're _5 _minutes late," Kendall warned, mocking the other boy's urgent worry.

"Hey, you too," James said, chuckling.

Kendall shrugged, "I'm the new kid," he reminded his new friend. "I can just tell them I got lost," he paused for a second. "Where's room 113?"

James snickered, "Take a left at the end of the hallway, it's the 4th door on the right."

"Thanks," Kendall smiled genuinely, "See you around?"

"I hope so," James said softly, wearing a wide smile as he entered class, just under 5 minutes late.

Classes were boring, nothing of importance to recollect when his mom would interrogate him about his first day o school the second he got him. He got a good idea of how stupid the kids were. He wasn't even paying attention and he understood in better than the rest of his classmates.

His mind was completely pre-occupied with other thoughts of certain pretty boys who somehow manged to captivate him in just one day. He wondered how long he had to wait before asking him out wasn't weird.

There was just something so instantaneous about their connection that Kendall could neither deny or explain the feelings already developing. He wondered if James felt the same; if he did, that would change the second he discovered the deep, dark past that lurked behind him.

Lunch at a new school was a horrible anxiety. Standing at the entrance of the cafeteria, desperately searching for an available seat was a moment that pounded one's heart with worry. All the eyes staring, silently judging and ridiculing each second you stood there unable to find a seat.

Kendall experienced this first hand that day at lunch. Clutching the brown paper bag lunch his mom gave him that morning, his distant green eyes scanned over the cafeteria looking for an empty table.

He spotted one towards the back and made his way over there. He took one of the vacant seats and unpacked his lunch, smiling at the note his mom put in there. He insisted that he was grown up enough that he didn't need notes telling him how special he was. He was well aware that he was an extremely _special _kid. If there was one way to improve his average, a turkey sandwich and a chocolate pudding cup.

"Pudding!" he heard a voice exclaim behind him before a hand swooped down in front of him, grabbing his pudding cup. He watched, irritation seeping into his gaze as the perpetrator sat down two seats away.

The nerd that had harassed James from inside the classroom sat next to the hyper, pudding stealer. He snatched the pudding back, handing it back to him. "You have your own Carlos," he said, handing the Latino his lunch.

"Well his probably isn't the sugar free crap you make me eat, _Logan_," the other boy replied bitterly, taking his food out grudgingly.

"We all know what happens when _you _have sugar," Logan retorted, reaching his hand up to tickle the other's cheek with his fingers. Said boy playfully leaned into his touch, purring lowly. This caused Logan to laugh out loud, swatting his arm flirtatiously.

Kendall watched this scene, hints of jealousy rushing through his veins. It lessened considerably when he saw James sitting on his other side. He knew it was way too soon for this guy to be able to make him smile with just his presence.

"Hey Kendall," he chirped, voice cheerful and sweet.

"Hey," he returned with a smile.

"So how's your first day of classes going so far?" James inquired genuinely friendly as he removed the lid from his Tupperware of pasta.

Kendall shrugged, taking a bite of his sandwich. "Nothing special."

"That's too bad," the attractive boy murmured.

"It's getting there now," he said with a charming smile, eyes briefly locking with James'.

It'd been forever, it seemed, since he'd connected so easily with a guy as cute as Kendall. Even longer since he'd had a healthy relationship. He couldn't help but think that this was exactly what he truly needed. Kendall was his perfect guy: sweet, charming, funny, not to mention totally cute. He wondered how someone could be so perfect; he strove to be as perfect as the other boy.

Logan knew exactly what was going on. It didn't take a genius to see what was occurring between the two; they obviously were doing nothing to conceal it because it was painfully obvious. He was happy for his friend but also worried at the same time.

He wanted his friend to have something like him and Carlos but he wished James would fall for someone they knew a bit better, not some random guy from god knows where. His protective side was creeping out as he watched James shamelessly flirt with this perfect stranger. Logan tried to laugh off his preconceived notion of this guy being a psychopathic killer or something. He often blew things way out of proportion and he knew that's all he was doing. 


	4. Chapter 4

A month had come and gone just like that. Ever since he'd adjusted to his new life, time had been flying by. Between school, therapy, and the new friends he'd made, he hardly had time to watch it disappear.

He'd truly forgotten how exhausting a full day of school was; getting up at 7, not returning until 3. It really wore him out.

And every other Wednesday, he had to go to therapy with his mom and sister. By the time he got there, he was typically too tired to contribute. He usually just sat there and tried to drown out all the morbid talk around him. Irritation flooded his veins whenever he was pressed to share his feelings. He had nothing new to share.

It was obvious the therapist wanted him to talk about anything when he inquired about his newly acquired job. They'd been out grocery shopping when his mom suggested he get a job. Then, out of nowhere, the manager popped up and offered him a job right there on the spot. He was both genuinely surprised and relieved when there was no background check.

Adding that to school and therapy, keeping up with his new life's fast pace was getting increasingly difficult. It was stressful but he honestly enjoyed it, having so much to do, to fill his time. He hadn't been so busy in years.

Through all this craziness though, one thing kept him sane. He never would've imagined this to happen so quickly after his release. After that first night in the theater, him and James had just clicked. It was hard to adequately describe but they became friends just like that. They had so much in common that their friendship was just that easy.

James and his two friends (who didn't seem very interested in him) sat with him everyday at lunch. As always the other two were wrapped up in each other so it left him and James to talk, which they did, often never leaving a silent moment the whole lunch.

James even opted to give him a ride home everyday instead of having to take the bus. Kendall thought James was a god right there. But when the brunette discovered he lived on the way to Carlos', James was more than eager to be his ride to school as well. Kendall tried not to read into this too much.

Things, for once, seemed to be going well.

It was a Friday; school had just ended and Kendall couldn't have been more excited. He'd forgotten how much regular school sucked. Since he and James shared their last period, the two walked to meet Carlos and Logan at his car. Because of aforementioned reasons among many others, Kendall's last class was his favorite.

Despite the initial skepticism about them putting him in creative cooking, he genuinely enjoyed the class. True, he wasn't exactly a chef but having James as a partner made up for his complete lack of skill. Luckily for him, James found his failure to do anything correct charming and endearing.

After dropping their eggs or spilling the remainder of their milk, he would just smile sheepishly and shrug and James would laugh that laugh. Kendall could practically hear himself fall for the other boy. He didn't dare to make a move and destroy the only friendship he had established.

But there were moments he swore James felt the same. It wasn't uncommon for Kendall to make a mess and often times the majority of the ingredients ended up on him, on his face, in his hair, all over his clothes. Just that day, he'd dumped all the flour in and some splashed up, ending up on his cheek. James smiled directly at him and swiped the flour away with his thumb.

Kendall swore his touch lasted a few seconds longer than necessary. James must've realized this too because a second later he jerked his hand away. That moment reassured him that he should just take the chance and ask James out. He finalized this plan to do so as they approached his car.

"Hey James-"

Before he could actually ask, he was caught off by Carlos' enthused greeting. The energetic boy didn't seem to notice the death glare aimed at him.

"Mi amigo!" he shouted, clasping a hand to James' shoulder. Logan followed behind him, wearing a fond smile. "You excited for hockey try outs on Monday?"

James grinned, "Definitely," the other boy turned back towards him. "You should try out Kendall."

"I don't know..." he mumbled. He loved hockey but he hadn't played in years and was most likely more than a little rusty.

"Just think about it,m" he pressed lightly.

He smiled back; he would definitely be doing some thinking this weekend.

As usual, the two chatted casually as they drove home, both ignoring the two lovebirds in the backseat.

"I cannot tell you how nice it is to actually have someone to talk to," James said suddenly, turning the radio down.

"I know what you mean," Kendall agreed, nodding his head empathetically. Ignoring the failed attempt of group sessions, Kendall didn't really have anyone to talk to. It was nice to share that with James, the ease of talking about anything. Well maybe not anything. There was one topic he wouldn't dare bring up.

"Must suck having to deal with that everyday," he commented, gesturing back towards the other two who, as always, were caught up in their own little world. Both boys up front ignored the pang of jealousy that accompanied the sight of the happy couple alongside the knowledge that they were currently a part of such a perfect relationship.

James chuckled softly, shrugging his broad shoulders. "It gets lonely," he replied, "But I'm happy for them. They're perfect for each other, they're total opposites so they just have this great..balance. I just...wish I could find that, you know?"

Kendall's lips curled into a charming smile. "I know exactly what you mean."

James' eyes fluttered off the road for a second to lock with his, sharing a sweet smile.

"If you're free-"

Ever since the incident, Kendall had never liked to declare that he was going to kill someone in a fit of anger but Carlos was unknowingly trying to change that.

"Hey James. You can drop Logie off at his house today," the boy interrupted him again, voice tinged with sadness.

"What?" James gasped in mocking shock.

"It's me and my mom's dinner day," Logan reminded him with a proud smile. "She's so buy that we hardly get to even eat dinner together."

They could both hear grumbling then it was promptly silenced, presumably with a kiss. They came upon Logan's house five minutes later and then ten minutes later, he finally got out of the car after a long, unnecessarily dramatic goodbye.

From the second the car door closed behind Logan to the second they pulled up to Carlos' house, the Latino boy didn't stop talking, never even seemed to take a breath between irrelevant, unimportant thoughts. Kendall wanted to ask if he'd ever shut up; the irritated look in James' eyes screamed no.

The silence that settled between them once the boy left was more than a relief. "I almost don't want to talk; the silence seems too precious," Kendall joked, exchanging a glance with the other boy. "He doesn't usually talk that much, does he?"

James shook his head and Kendall caught himself mesmerized by the way his soft, flawless hair shook with it. "Only when Logan's not around. I think when Logan's around, Carlos is focused on him so when he's gone, there's nothing to occupy his mind and it all comes out unfiltered."

Kendall nodded in understanding, "That makes total sense."

"It's the one thing about Carlos that does," James laughed.

Kendall couldn't argue about that.

The well-dressed teen turned to glance at the other boy. "Hey, I don't know if you're busy but I could use some coffee. You can join if you want."

The grin that spread of his face was contagious and answered the question for him.

"I know this great little cafe," James told him, an endearing fondness sparkling in his soft brown eyes.

Kendall just sat back and enjoyed the ride, even more so when James started singing along to the radio. He spent the rest of the ride struggling to figure out how someone could be so flawless.

The warm, sweet scent of coffee rushed over him as he stepped foot in the cafe. It was a small, cozy place, occupied by a few people situated at the scattering of tables. He approached the counter alongside James, eyeing the handwritten menu. He didn't even realize the brunette ordered his drink until the lady was staring at him expectantly.

"What are you having Kendall?"

He snapped back to reality, ordering his usual drink. "Thanks," he smiled at James who was paying for their drinks.

"You can grab them next time," James said, grabbing one of the empty tables.

"Absolutely," Kendall affirmed, ecstatic at the promise of a next time.

They spent hours in that coffee house, talking and laughing like they were old friends reunited. That's what it felt like. Their coffee vanished fast but the conversation lasted much longer. James eyed his watch, noting the surprisingly later time. "Wow, we've been talking for almost three hours."

"You serious?" Kendall questioned in awe. It'd hardly seemed like an hour passed by. Time seemed to just fly by when he was with James.

"C'mon, I wanna show you something," the other boy was saying with a bright smile. Kendall chuckled fondly and followed him out of the cafe, across the street. An odd reminiscent feeling washed over him when it dawned on him where James was leading him. His mind was elsewhere as they walked in and that familiar chill hit him.

They walked onto the rink where a few people were skating around the ice. A deep ache resided in his chest as all the feelings from the last time he stepped foot in the rink came flooding back to him. Anger, hopelessness, protectiveness.

_It was just after five o' clock on a Wednesday. Homework and helping his mom with dinner normally would have been his priority that night but his mom had been suspiciously insistent that he take Katie out to do something fun._

_He wasn't stupid and could tell something was obviously wrong, but being the good son was was, he obliged without questions. That didn't mean hundreds weren't floating around in his mind. Even as he walked Katie down to the local ice rink, he couldn't shake the horrible, ominous feeling sinking into his veins._

_Why was his mom so concerned with getting Katie out of the house? She thought he didn't notice the timing; his dad would be home in half in hour. For Katie's sake, he shoved all these thoughts out of his mind, knowing the little girl was much wiser than she was give credit for. She could always read him and know when something was wrong._

_He smiled up at her as he helped her lace up her skates. He hoped she wouldn't ask because he didn't have any answers for her._

"Kendall?" James' soft, hesitant voice brought him back to reality. He slowly came back, mentally assessing his surroundings. This wasn't LA; it was Small Town, Minnesota. He knew he couldn't dwell on his old life; he would end up messing up his new one.

Kendall put on his best, feigned genuine smile. "Yeah?"

James seemed to just drop the question, possibly sensing his horribly masked unease. "This is my favorite place in town," he said instead, a quiet, dreamy tone to his voice. "I spend a lot of time here."

James' last statement made Kendall look back on how much time he used to spend on the sink. It seemed he would go at least 4 days a week, outside of hockey practice. The combination of escaping his dad and releasing all his frustration was what always kept him returning.

"It's late. Want to go grab a bite to eat?"

Kendall could only nod mindlessly, wondering if all this new town had to offer was morbid thoughts of his past.

Logan loved Friday nights such as this. Not only did it indicate the weekend which meant plenty of time to spend with Carlos and plenty of time left still to read and study, it began the one time a week he had to spend with his mom. With his dad out of the picture, his mom was all he had but she was a busy woman so it didn't mean much.

He understood why things were the way they were; being a principal was a difficult full time job, not to mention adding single parent to that. His mom was extremely perceptive much like himself. This made her a great principal but an even better mother. So she could always tell when he felt neglected and suggested they go to dinner together at least once a week to spend time together.

He enthusiastically agreed and looked forward to it every week. They typically spent the whole time in endless chatter, talking about anything and everything. She asked about Carlos and how they were doing. He'd always been open with him and Carlos' relationship with his mom; she was very accepting of it.

He sighed as his mom's cellphone began to ring, interrupting his story of one of Carlos' particularly crazy stunts. Guilt flashed over her face and she mouthed an apology as she answered.

Logan wasn't listening intently (it was just a work-related call, she got them all the time) until a particular name caught his attention.

"Kendall's a good kid," he heard his mom tell the person on the other line. She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I understand your concern Mr. Garcia, but requiring a police escort for him is just degrading and I won't have that. It's been over a month and I see no reason to worry."

His mom went on to argue further with Carlos' dad but Logan couldn't focus on that. His mind was racing miles per second over this new information. This was the guy who'd James had taken the liberty to invite him into their friend group and flirt shamelessly with.

His heart sped up considerably; this kid his friend liked obviously wasn't a good guy contrary to what his mom said. What if this guy was a psychopath whose only intentions were to hurt his friend? He knew he had to keep Kendall away from James for his sake. James couldn't always see what harm was right in front of him so Logan had to save him from what he couldn't see.

He whipped out his phone, sending a text to his boyfriend to alert him of this.

Carlos watched from across the island in his kitchen as his dad hung up the phone, grumbling in frustration. His attention hadn't been focused on what his father was saying so the reason for his frustration was a mystery to the naive boy. He just munched on his dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and waited for his dad to explain.

The man, still clad in his uniform which seemed to add to the intensity of the situation, slammed his hands down on the counter, startling the young teen. "Kendall Knight," his dad said, in his typical booming, accusatory voice. "Do you know him?"

"Yeah," he answered innocently, mouth full of chicken.

"He's not a good kid! I don't want you anywhere near him, okay?"

Carlos nodded obediently, agreeing to his condition. He had no clue why his dad was so adamantly worried about the new kid. He would have to ask Logan when they hung out later. As if on cue, his phone vibrated in his pocket as he received an urgent text from him, demanding they meet up.

Once he got out and stayed out of his head, the night become much more enjoyable. Somehow they still had plenty to talk about over dinner. James took him to a quaint little diner across town and Kendall had the best burger that he'd possibly ever had.

He gazed up at the other humming in question after hearing a soft chuckle. The fond smile on James' face made Kendall smile himself. He eyed the other, confused as James motioned to his upper lip. James smiled and chuckled again, eyes fluttering away flirtatiously. He grabbed his napkin and reached across the table, gently wiping away the bit of mustard from his lip.

Kendall chuckled lightly, meeting the other's gaze with slight embarrassment. It faded quickly, however, as he noticed the fondness in James soft brown eyes. He could tell he was already in.

Carlos drove over to Logan's at the time Logan appointed and happily bounced up to the door. He was a little less intelligent than his counterpart so his anxiety level was significantly lower than Logan's. The shorter boy answered the door in a frenzy, breathing erratic, eyes wide. He grabbed a fistful of Carlos' t-shirt yanking him inside and slamming the door shut behind them.

Carlos, clearly not understanding the emergency, smiled sweetly. "You look cute," he said, referring to the math themed pj's the other wore.

For a second, Logan forgot all about the crisis at hand, blushing and accepting a sweet kiss. He seemed to remember mid-kiss and pushed the Latino boy away, causing him to pout. "Carlos! Did you hear what your dad was telling my mom?"

Carlos smirked; he loved that he was dating the principal's son. Even though she was okay with it, it had a mischievous feel to it.

"Carlos! This is important!"

"I don't remember. I wasn't paying attention," Carlos answered, shoulders tensed defensively.

"There was something about a police escort for him. And my mom insisted he was a good kid which means your dad thinks he's a bad kid which means he's probably not a good kid," Logan rambled, trying to piece it all together.

"My dad told me to stay away from him," Carlos chimed in, returning from the kitchen with sodas.

Logan pulled out his phone frantically, "I've got to text James and warn him!"

The dark November night settled around them as they shuffled through the park. Kendall stared up at the clear sky in awe. Every star shone brighter than its adjacent one in the midnight blue sky. He rubbed his hands together, trying to warm them against the cold Minnesota air. That was the one thing that had been the hardest to adapt to. LA was always so warm that he could get away with jeans and a t-shirt every day. Here, it seemed one had to bundle up at least 3 layers to stay even remotely warm.

"It's so beautiful," he whispered.

James smiled, "I'm sure it was nice in LA too."

Kendall shook his head. "No, nothing like this."

"Yeah, it's...something," James replied quietly and Kendall could sense the resentment in his voice when referring to the town he'd resided in his whole life.

"You really hate it here, huh?" Kendall asked softly. He was curious why James was so content in this actually quite enjoyed living in this town but he guessed their differing circumstances affected their individual views.

James sighed, a hint of a smile gracing his lips. "It's not that. I just...I feel like I'm destined for more than this small town."

"That's funny because I feel like I'm meant for this town," Kendall laughed. "LA just wasn't meant for me."

"You don't really seem like the type."

"I don't know if I should be offended..."

"No, no," James chuckled, shaking his head. "You're a really nice guy. You're too genuine and down to earth for the superficiality of Hollywood."

Kendall smiled at this, excited to know this was how James saw him. Worry nagged at him when he realized James' whole perception of him was a lie. He wasn't this good guy he was describing; if the other knew the truth, he wouldn't think anything of him. "You don't really seem that way either."

"Well, you're forgetting that I wanna be famous," James reminded him. This made Kendall smile even wider. Everything about James was just so sweet and endearing. Kendall had no clue why no guy (there wasn't really any question of James' sexuality) had come along and stole James' heart. He hoped, despite his pounds and pounds of emotional baggage, that he could be that guy because he was already falling in love with him.

James honestly couldn't recall the last time he'd had such a mundanely good time with such a sincerely nice guy. Even doing the most normal activities was fun with Kendall. They'd really hit it off over the past month. It was so nice to have someone to just hang out with and just have fun; his life had a severe lack of it.

He was in the middle of a hilarious story about his and his friend's crazy freshman year antics when his phone started vibrating in his pocket. He paused mid-sentence, pulling out his phone and reading the argent messages from Logan demanding that they meet up that second to "discuss something of the utmost importance to your safety."

He grumbled annoyed; Logan had a tendency to over-analyze and freak out about everything so this "necessary urgent discussion" probably pertained to something of very little importance. Ignoring it, he shoved it back in his pocket. Nothing seemed quite as important as enjoying the moments he had with the guy he could be falling in love with.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: More of James' back story in this, much of it written from my own experience. This chapter starts to explain why Logan is so protective and worried towards James. Early update because I will be swamped next week and will have no chance to update next week. Reviews are always appreciated.**

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_It was quiet, too quiet, almost dead silent as he entered the house that evening. They'd been gone for hours, spending this accumulation of time with multiple households of family, enjoying (more or less) the time with each other, celebrating the holidays. He and his sister had gone home early; their dad insisted he stay longer. His sister and her boyfriend were staying with them for the holidays._

_James, being the true mama's boy he was, went to check on her. She'd been feeling sick and decided to stay home to rest for a while. James felt bad about leaving her alone and wanted to stay home to take care of her but she insisted he go to appease his father._

_He hurried up to her room, wanting to see how she was feeling or if she needed anything. His heart stopped then sped up rapidly when he passed by the bathroom, noticing his mom lying on the floor motionless. Each breath burned his lungs as his hands shook with paralyzing fear. Her usual warm, tan skin was pale and cold to touch._

"_Call 911!" he screamed, hot tears pouring down his face. "Shit," he doubled over, his whole body trembling as he cried. "This can't be happening." He could barely hear the sirens sounding in the distance over his horrified screaming as he fell to his knees, devastated terror setting in. It was already too late._

He shot up with a jolt as he awoke from the terribly vivid nightmare. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his heaving chest and his aching heart. It had been years since that night and he was still plagued by the horrible memories. He looked over at the picture on his nightstand; a day didn't pass that he didn't miss her. Without shutting her out completely, James tried to shake the morbid sorrow as he got ready for school.

Kendall didn't want to mention it but James was uncharacteristically quiet that Monday morning. The typically chatty (but not excessively or annoyingly so) teen hadn't uttered a single word, aside from returning his morning greeting. Kendall assumed it was none of his business and they drove to Carlos' in a mildly comfortable silence.

As always, the silence was immediately broken when Carlos got in the car. Words seemed to just come out completely uncensored from the Latino boy's mouth. He never seemed to be at a loss for them; he never lacked anything to say but what he did say often lacked importance.

Kendall wondered, as Carlos went on about different brands of corn dogs and which he preferred and why, if the other boy realized his friend's obvious discontent. Maybe he realized it and didn't care; it wouldn't be the first instance where Kendall questioned the quality of his friendship.

The two boys ignored the babbling teen who luckily didn't notice at all. Again, Kendall wondered if he was just dense or apathetic. Either way, he didn't particularly care what the other was saying; all he could think about was why James was so down and ways to cheer him up.

He could hear a soft melody playing in the background and realized that the radio was on, just turned down to an extremely quiet volume. He soon recognized the string of notes to be one of James' favorite songs and, with a big grin on his face, turned the song up, knowing the brunette couldn't resist singing along.

Kendall's heart broke when James didn't sing along at all, just kept his eyes fixed on the road. If he knew the song personally, he would've totally risked embarrassing himself by singing along to start James off. But it wasn't a total loss because at least now he couldn't hear Carlos' irrelevant rant.

Logan's house was reached five minutes later and the radio was lowered as the boy slid in, greeting his boyfriend with a sweet kiss before turning up front.

"Why didn't you answer my text?" he questioned, gazing at James with a firm yet concerned expression. His eyes widened slightly as he waited for an answer.

"Which one?" James replied sarcastically.

"Any of them!"

Over the course of the two day weekend, James had got a total of 23 texts from his friend, most of which consisted of pestering him about what he was doing and who was hanging out with. James had been thoroughly annoyed, to completely understate it, with this that he didn't bother to return a single one of Logan's unnecessarily worrying texts.

"James, seriously," Logan pressed, a knowingly serious tone in his voice. "We need to talk okay?"

"About what?"

Logan's eyes flickered towards the passenger, "Not now."

Kendall seemed to notice this suspicious look Logan was shooting him and his face scrunched up in offense. He had no clue why Logan disliked him; he was relatively nice to him and Carlos and he didn't even know anything about his past but he still didn't like him. Kendall wasn't asking for much. He didn't care if the other two liked him; he just wished the rude glares would stop. He hadn't done anything to deserve them.

James, of course, was a completely different story. He found himself caring so desperately what James thought of him. He wanted to be accepted, wanted to be liked by the gorgeous teen. A petrifying fear took over him when he thought about James' reaction to the dark past that loomed over him. What would he say? What would he think?

He knew one thing for sure, the second James knew, he would be out the door. It wasn't pessimism; it was realism. Almost everyone he loved turned their backs the second they found out what he did and James would be no different. He could only wait it out and figure out how long he could keep lying to keep their friendship (and possibly something more) safe.

James sighed, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. He could expect a lengthy, intense lecture later for his multiple "offenses" which included, in Logan's point of view, ignoring his texts and being snippy with him. This wasn't exactly an uncommon occurrence.

He did something "stupid" or "irresponsible" as declared by Logan and the intelligent boy would promptly point out his mistakes, shoving a myriad of solutions in his face so he wouldn't "make the same mistake again."

Ever since Logan found him that day, the smaller boy was almost possessively controlling. He knew Logan meant well but he had come a long way since then; he wasn't the same person he was just 3 years ago. Sometimes it felt like Logan didn't realize this at all.

"We'll talk later okay?" he muttered, wondering if the smart boy picked up on the annoyance in his voice.

From the two's exchange, Kendall could tell or at least infer this happened often. It was _easy _to see how worrisome and anxious that Logan could be. It was also easy to see how severely it got on James' nerves.

Kendall decided a change of topic would be beneficial. "So what do you think we're making in cooking today?"

James' attention seemed to shift towards him, just like he hoped. "I don't know, I think we're still doing desserts."

"Great," the blond replied, sarcasm elongating his vowels. "Plenty of opportunities to spill stuff all over myself."

Kendall's heart skipped a beat at the soft, warm smile to grace James' lips. "Don't worry; we'll make sure some gets in the bowl."

Kendall grinned, glad to see James smiling. "Sounds like a plan."

James was so relieved when sixth period finally rolled around. Mondays were never particularly his favorites but this one seemed to top the others in most unfavorable. Nothing was going well at all: first period, he'd had a pop quiz, third period, apparently homework that he hadn't completed was due and he preferred not to dwell on the whole gym fiasco.

Long story short, he could really use something good to happen. And in his last class with Kendall, that was bound to happen. He never had a bad time in that class, even when the blond completely screwed up their assignments, which was almost everyday.

Funny thing was, he didn't mind the least bit. Kendall was so adorable and hilarious that it was practically impossible to have a bad time around him. James waited by their station and watched as the other boy gathered up all their ingredients. He cringed when Kendall almost dropped their tray. Luckily, he made it back to their kitchen without spilling a single drop of anything.

"Look at you," James chuckled as Kendall set the tray down on the counter. "Not spilling anything."

Kendall laughed. "We're only five minutes in."

By the end of the period, all eyes in the class were focused on the two flour covered boys whose hysterical cackling didn't cease upon the teacher's disapproving glare. It all started when Kendall accidentally splashed flour on James' black long sleeve shirt. The other boy gasped and stared in shock. "How dare you!"

And then Kendall found himself defenseless at James' mercy and he didn't even care to put up a fight. Flour was thrown around, pans used as shields. They may have gotten a F on their assignment but it was the most fun James had had in a while.

They also had to stay twenty minutes after to clean up but that didn't matter either. Kendall somehow managed to make cleaning fun. It was no surprise to James when they arrived at the car, half an hour late, the two found Carlos and Logan making out against his car.

He purposefully cleared his throat, altering the two of their presence. Carlos broke away from the other boy, turning back towards them innocently. "What?" he challenged their accusatory stares. "We got bored waiting for you guys."

"Just get in," he murmured, unlocking the car. All four boys got in, Kendall up front with James and Carlos and Logan in the back, as always. Kendall looked over and saw a small remainder of flour in his hair.

"You've got a little..." he trailed off, reaching up to brush away the offending left over ingredient.

"I got it!" Logan declared suddenly, swatting his hand away and flicking the flour away himself.

The two boys eyed him suspiciously, wearily shaking it off as Logan being unusually weird.

"Hockey tryouts aren't for another two hours," James pointed out as he pulled out of the school parking lot. "We can hang at my place until then."

"I love your place!" Carlos affirmed enthusiastically.

Kendall stared out the window in awe at the surprising sight before him. He could now completely understand why Carlos loved James' house. It was _huge, _resembling more of a mansion than a normal house. The exterior was a dark blue and those walls stood taller than his eyes cared to travel. Two other cars were parked in the circular driveway and Kendall almost expected a well dressed man to come up and offer to park the car for them.

His family's wealth was becoming increasingly apparent. With such a nice car, Kendall wasn't sure how he overlooked it, how he didn't expect James to be rich. This explained his fancy car and nice, expensive clothes.

He knew more than anyone not to judge people based on unknowing perceptions but he found himself falsely assuming that, because of his wealth and high status, James would look down on him once he knew the truth. He shook that thought aside because, if he could help it, James would never find out.

The walk through the house was captivating, the grand features leaving Kendall in shock. No one else seemed as impressed but he figured it was due to the frequency everyone else saw it. They passed through the kitchen, which Kendall could tell was bigger than his bedroom and right by the woman sitting at the counter reading a cookbook.

Kendall found it father odd that this woman, who he originally assumed was James' mom, looked absolutely nothing like him. She had long, wavy, blond hair where James' was short (admittedly a tad long for a guy), straight and brown. Her eyes were an electrifying, bright blue contrasting to James' deep brown eyes. She was also considerably shorter than James' taller height would've led him to believe.

"Who's that?" he asked curiously about the mystery woman who hadn't even acknowledged their presence.

"Step mom," James answered shortly and Kendall could tell from the resentment in his voice that asking about his real mom wasn't the best idea. His curiosity was deferred as he began to wonder where they were headed when they walked into the equally impressive backyard.

He saw a smaller, but still rather large house and wondered if that was their destination. James unlocked the door and let the three in. Kendall's jaw almost dropped. Despite its smaller size, this house was just as cool if not cooler than the main house.

A spacious living room was occupied by a big couch and an even bigger flat-screen TV. Across the room was a kitchen and cross the hall what was he assumed was a bath and bedroom. He could infer that this was the guest house and evidently where James resided.

His _guest _house was probably bigger than his house. James disappeared into another room as Carlos and Logan sat down on the couch. Kendall noticed Logan's weary glare and took the end seat, farthest away from the other boy.

It warmed his heart when the typically well-dressed teen reentered the room, wearing the same black long sleeve shirt now with a pair of loose sweatpants. There was something so endearing about him willingly lowering his appearance, his need for perfection around him. He couldn't quite put his finger on the accurate feeling.

His heart fluttered unexplainably as the other teen took the empty seat beside him. He pulled his legs up onto the couch, wrapping his arms around them securely as he turned on the TV.

Not even ten minutes later, after they'd settled on watching AFV, Carlos and Logan had cuddled up as always and James had fallen asleep, his head falling onto Kendall's shoulder. The blond didn't mind one bit and let him rest against him as he watched the TV, thinking how _right _this felt. He also wondered how James could sleep amidst Carlos' crazy cackling.

_Nothing hurt quite as much as a parent's disapproval. Accidentally overhearing them discussing it certainly didn't lessen the pain. A 13 year old James sat on the stairs, listening to his dad bickering to his mom. _

"_The kid's a fucking fairy!" he yelled pacing back and forth across the living room. "I mean seriously! Choir! Theater! No wonder the kid hardly has any friends!"_

"_Paul!" he heard his mom hiss. He knew his mom was always on his side. "Don't you __**dare **__talk about our son like that!" _

"_Maybe if the boy did something manly like hockey or something, I wouldn't have to say these things about him! Besides, that boy's not my son. Maybe my daughter..." the man snickered. _

_He could hear his mom scoff._

_Those words hit James hard and his stomach twisted with the knowledge of his father's __disappointment._

James could almost still hear his father's words as he woke up, slowly coming to his senses. He noted the steady glow of the TV in front of him. There was a deep warmth radiating over him from the spot next to him. He glanced to his left and was met with the sweet sight of Kendall smiling back at him. It was a comforting feeling to wake up beside the other boy. .

"Morning sleepyhead," Kendall murmured with a giant grin.

"Shut up," the brunette chuckled tiredly, fixing his slightly messed up hair.

"If we leave now, we can get you some coffee before tryouts," Kendall suggested, glancing at the time on his cell phone.

James would've laughed at how well Kendall knew him already but a deep yawn interrupted him. "Perfect," was all he could say as they all got up.

Kendall sat on the bench beside the rink, waiting while the other guys changed into their hockey gear. A few guys were already skating around, passing the puck between them. His attention, like many times before, was stolen by the beauty that captivated him as the teen entered the room. Even in his heavy hockey gear, his perfect appearance was noticeable. The teen now looked much more awake than he previously was.

"Good luck," he called as James stepped on the ice, putting on his helmet.

"Don't need it," was his cocky reply.

And he didn't. James was _amazing _on the ice, perhaps one of the best he'd seen. He was so graceful the way he moved around the ice and yet he didn't lack the hard aggression hockey required. It was no wonder James was on the varsity team.

Kendall was equally surprised to see how talented James' friends were as well, especially Logan, whose soft, cautious demeanor would lead him to believe otherwise. It wasn't a surprise to him when Carlos rammed anyone who tried to do the same to Logan. He watched, in awe, as they ran drills and scrimmaged. Was there anything James didn't excel at?

After an hour of rigorous tryouts, the hopefuls exited the rink most looking as if they were to pass out. Kendall remembered and loved that feeling, numbing exhaustion. Soon it was just him and James on the ice after the brunette _insisted _(verbally coerced him really, but it was hard for Kendall to say no to James anyways) he grab some skates. After a few clumsy steps, he was skating around like he'd never left. It was such a powerful, thrilling feeling to be back on the ice.

"Since you were _lame _and didn't try out,"James accused teasingly, "I'm gonna see if you're any good myself."

The next twenty minutes were spent on a mini one on one game between the two. After an excess of exerted effort, the score winded up being a dead tie. In a determined last attempt, James, who'd lost control of the puck and forgot Kendall wasn't wearing the proper protective gear, rammed into him, sending them both into the wall.

The thud as they hit the wall reminded James of Kendall's lack of protection. His heart skipped a beat in the split second of worry before an only slightly pained laugh left the blonde's lips. His sigh of relief turned to a soft laugh, joining Kendall's low chuckle.

James reached up, lightly cradling Kendall's head in his hand, checking for any damage. "Sorry, I guess that was stupid without any gear on..." his apology trailed off as it finally became apparent to both boys just how close they were. James' hips were pressing Kendall's to the wall and their chests touched with each deep, erratic breath they took.

James' long fingers were subconsciously buried in Kendall's soft, shaggy hair. The shared air they breathed was thick with longing tension. Without thinking it was possible, James shifted close enough to feel Kendall's warm breath on his lips. Their lips were just about to brush when a loud call jerked them apart from each other.

"James! Logan's looking for you!"

_Carlos. _Even though it was Logan who seemingly (obviously) despised him, Kendall found his own hatred geared towards the Latino boy. He _always _seemed to interrupt his advances on his friend. He wondered if Logan was behind this, forcing his boyfriend to purposefully interrupt them.

"C'mon, let's go," James said softly, chuckling under his breath as if it was amusing or funny that they'd been caught.

Kendall didn't think it was either. But the fact that James was ushering him towards the locker room with him was surely going to make up for it. He followed James to his designated locker and took a seat on the adjacent bench.

He found his eyes glued to the other boy as he began changing into his normal clothes. Kendall knew James was well-built, it was no big secret but he never expected the sight before him. James stood there, clad only in a pair of tight black boxer briefs.

Kendall had to fight to keep his jaw from dropping. James' shoulders were broad, his skin a deep tan. His chest was well-defined, firm pecs and a 6 pack. Kendall found it difficult not to stare but blushed when he realized his eyes were stuck on the other's amazing body. He tore his eyes away, muttering a soft apology.

"It's okay," James told him, smiling sweetly. "Not like I have anything to hide.''

"No you don't," Kendall whispered without realizing the words had actually left his lips. His eyes widened in shock as James shot a glance his way, a light blush on his cheeks. "Sorry."

The smile to grace James' lips made his heart flutter. The way James teeth tugged at his bottom lip filled his stomach with butterflies. An equally wide grin spread over his face when the brunette leaned down to chastely kiss his cheek. Both boys were grinning like idiots when Logan walked in.

"Hey James," he called as he walked through the door, "Can I talk to you about Ken-dall, _you're here_?"

Kendall wasn't dense and could sense the other was disappointed at his presence. He looked especially shocked at James' state of undress. James rolled his eyes and pulled on his jeans and shirt. "We'll be out in a minute Logan," he sighed.

"Just hurry up!" the smart boy exclaimed as he stormed out of the locker room.

"God, I don;t know what his deal is sometimes," James chuckled, shaking his head as he slipped on his shoes and jacket.

"Don't act like you haven't noticed James," Kendall said seriously, firmly, "I've seen the way Logan looks at me. He's terrified of me."

"What? That's ridiculous!" James replied, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "What would he be afraid of you for?"

Kendall shrugged, "Beats me."

But he _knew_ exactly what was going on and that terrified him.

_Logan loved hospitals. He loved anything and everything that had to do with the institution. He hoped to be involved with one someday. But he hated the circumstances that brought him there. He sat by his friend's bedside, his mind racing at a million thoughts per second. _

_His eyes glanced down once again, peering at the white bandages wrapped around his friend's wrists. He thought about the circumstances he'd found James and shuddered at the image of his bright red blood on the white tile. He had a billion questions but he knew it probably wasn't the best time to ask. _

"_It's not as bad as it seems," James muttered in a quiet, meek voice. His face crumbled seconds later at Logan's skeptical gaze. "I just miss her so much!"_

_And as Logan watched his friend break down and sob, he vowed he'd do anything to keep him from ever feeling such pain again. _


	6. Chapter 6

"And how does that make _you _feel Kendall?"

This was their fourth therapy appointment and the twentieth time that question was asked. It still sent an irrevokable, undeniable shot of anger through his veins. He didn't know exactly what it was about that question that infuriated him so severely.

Maybe it was that his feelings should be obvious or maybe that no one bother to ask when _another _horribly explained bruise popped up. It just seemed like too little too late and Kendall wasn't going to accept any sympathy now.

He just tugged at a loose thread on his jeans, neither looking up or responding. He couldn't handle the condescending stare of the man who truly knew _nothing _about him other than what his case report told him. The one good thing about the therapist, he moved on when it become apparent that he had no interest in sharing.

"How about you Katie?" he asked gently, "How do you feel about all this?"

"Confused," she answered.

Kendall listened to his baby sister talk, thinking she was _far _to young to be discussing this in therapy.

"How come?"

"No one would ever tell me anything. I mean there was this one time I woke up and they were fighting..."

Kendall remembered that night in particular like it was yesterday.

_It was a Friday night; it was just him and Katie. Upon his insistence, his mom had gone out with some friends. Their dad was gone all weekend on a business trip __**somewhere**__. Kendall didn't know where but couldn't bring himself to care. He was __**gone **__for a whole weekend. _

_Some late night show was playing on the TV but he wasn't paying attention to it. He had his notebook in his lap, a pen in hand. Katie was half asleep snuggled at his side (along with her teddy bear, Sir Fluffles) after claiming __**they **__couldn't sleep. It wasn't five minutes before her eyes fluttered shut. A sudden text distracted him from the lyrics he just couldn't quite finish. _

_New message from Jo: _  
_U were right bout Jett. total asshole_

_Message sent to Jo:_  
_i take the date didn't go well_

_New message from Jo:_  
_not at all. guys a narcissistic prick. too bad ur gay_

_He was about to reply when a loud slam of a car door interrupted him, stirring Katie from her sleep. Glancing out the window, his heart stopped with fear as he saw his dad's car in the driveway._

"_Katie," he spoke softly, doing his best not to show any of his worry. "Go to bed."_

"_Kendall," she mumbled sleepily, "What was that noise?"_

"_Nothing, just go to bed," he insisted, hearing the front door open. He took a breath and braced himself for what was about to happen. "Dad, I thought you were on a business trip."he said as the man stumbled into the living room. The stench of alcohol radiating off him was almost potent enough to nauseate him. _

"_People __**lie **__Kendall," the man slurred slowly, "Like I'd be lying if I said I was proud to call you my son."_

"_That's great dad,"he said sarcastically. "Just go to bed."_

"_Don't tell me what to do boy,"the man bellowed, fist forcefully colliding with his stomach. _

_Kendall doubled over in pain, struggling to breath as the air was knocked from his lungs._

"_Ken," a soft meek voice sounded. Kendall turned to see Katie, standing in the doorway, clad in her kitty footie pjs, innocently clutching her bear to her chest. "What's going on?"_

"_Nothing," he tried to assure her breathlessly, "Go back to bed."_

"_Are you hurt?"_

"_I'm fine Katie, just go to bed, now."_

_Kendall slipped into bed later that night with bruised ribs and a black eye. But if it meant keeping his baby sister safe, protecting her innocence, he was glad to take the hit. _

"How does it feel to hear that Kendall?"

"Fantastic," he replied sarcastically. Only 37 minutes until the session was over.

"All I'm saying is that you could _try _Kendall," his mom chided as they exited the therapist's office.

"And I'm saying I didn't want to go in the first place," he reminded her.

He would've further expressed his hatred towards therapy if he hadn't looked up to see James of all people walking in. Katie seemed to notice his obvious stare.

"Hey, isn't that movie guy?"

"Who's movie guy?" his mom asked curiously.

"Will you two just go wait in the car?" he groaned, trying to usher them out the door. The second the two disappeared James seemed to notice his presence.

"Oh hey Kendall," he greeted casually.

"Hey James," he returned with a smile. "What are you doing here?"

"Same as you," he chuckled.

"This was my mom's idea," he replied, admittedly a tad defensive.

James seemed to sense this. "There's nothing wrong with therapy Kendall," he said softly. "Gotta go. Its my appointment time." He turned at the door. "Hey, they're playing that ghost movie at the theater tonight. You said to let you know when they play something good..."

"Meet you there," Kendall agreed with a smile.

He had less than an hour until his movie date with James and he was freaking out. He had no clue what to wear; at first he picked out a button up flannel and a pair of skinny jeans but he tossed that aside, deeming it too casual. Attempt # 2 consisted of the same jeans and a sweater his mom bought him for Christmas a few years ago.

"Tell me you are _not _wearing that," Katie exclaimed from the doorway.

"Katie! Help!"he shouted, tugging the sweater off and throwing it beside him.

Katie sighed and walked over to his closet, thinking for a second before grabbing a few articles of clothes and shoving them at her brother. After changing, Kendall admired his well-dressed appearance. _He _didn't even knew he had clothes this nice in his wardrobe.

"_You _are the best!" he told her gratefully. "You know I love you right?"

"Well duh," she muttered with a smirk.

Kendall smiled fondly, kissing her forehead. "If you ever want to talk Katie, about anything, just let me know."

"Gotcha big bro, now go get your guy!"

Kendall grinned; that was exactly his plan.

People often mistook him as an extremely shallow, vain person but he was far from it. Sure, he was overly concerned with appearance (for a guy) but that stemmed from a lack of security with himself, at least that's what his therapist says. This is why he spent twice the time he usually did, perfecting his appearance. It was a _very _important occasion and James seemed to spend forever getting ready.

Because of this he was almost late to the movie. He hastily parked his car along the curb and pulled his jacket on as he got out. A smile tweaked his lips at Kendall's warm smile and wave. Before his self control could stop him, he found his eyes briefly scanning over the other's body.

Kendall was clad in a pair of dark-washed skinny jeans, a tight gray v-neck and a slick black jacket. Butterflies fluttered around in his stomach when he realized his attire was a step above his usual jeans and flannel. It was obvious that Kendall felt it too.

James had this confusing ability to take his breath away. Just seeing the brunette approach made his heart speed up considerably. He was always well-dressed but tonight it seemed especially so. He was at a loss for words; James looked so stunning simply in a pair of black pants, a white collared button down shirt and a skinny black tie.

"Hey," was all he could manage to say.

Apparently the feeling was mutual. "Hey," James replied softly.

Ever since their near kiss a couple of days ago, Kendall had to suppress the urge to jump the other boy whenever he was around. Tonight was no different.

""You ready to go in?"

Kendall smiled and nodded. After buying their tickets (Kendall's treat), their movie snacks (James' treat) and finding good seats (a mutual agreement), they sat in the theater for a few minutes waiting for the movie to start.

The previews started playing and Kendall wondered if holding James hand was inappropriate. He knew the feelings were there; it was just a matter of finding the right time to execute them. He reached for the popcorn, half interested in the previews, half caught up in his thoughts. What got his _full _attention was the sparks that ignited when their fingers brushed in the popcorn tub.

They both jerked away, muttering simultaneous apologies. Their similar reactions caused them both to burst out laughing, exchanging glances. The lights dimmed then as the movie began to play. Kendall didn't feel the initial, typical excitement felt when a movie started, all he could focus on was gaining the nerve to hold James hand.

"Ugh! He won't answer!" Logan groaned, setting his phone down after sending James yet another text.

"Logie, calm down," Carlos said softly, rubbing a hand over his boyfriend's arm. Sometimes the boy had a tendency to overreact to...everything. Carlos often found himself caught up in the other's excess worry. "You're making this a bigger deal than it has to be."

"Whose side are you on?" Logan exclaimed, eyes wide in accusing shock.

"Yours, you know that," the Latino boy sighed, "You're just being kind of crazy," he caressed his cheek, meeting his anxious gaze. "And meddling..._again_."

"Do you remember the last time I 'meddled' Carlos?" Logan questioned harshly, softening his tone when the other boy flinched. "I saved his life."

"You can't protect him from everything," Carlos insisted wisely, "You'll end up suffocating him. Besides, it might be nice for him, having another guy around. Think about how he feels."

Logan sighed, "I know, I'm just worried about him."

He was met with Carlos' gentle, seemingly understanding gaze. "You worry too much," he said unexpectedly. "Now lets go to your room and make out."

James was fairly certain he'd just sat through the worst movie in the history of the world. But he loved every minute of it. True, the terrible acting, cliche plot and poorly done special effects made it hard to watch but having Kendall beside him made it bearable. Between his cleverly timed jokes and ridiculous impressions, James found himself cracking up throughout the "scariest movie ever."

He was sure they'd get kicked out if Kendall made him laugh one more time. The credits rolled, and while the majority of the audience was horrified, James was still laughing hysterically. He couldn't remember the last time he had laughed so hard.

"I still can't believe you thought that movie would be good," Kendall exclaimed between laughter as they exited the theater.

"I _may _have stretched the truth a bit just so you'd go with me," James admitted with a sheepish grin.

If Kendall was shocked by this, it didn't show.

"Good, I was gonna say..." Kendall chuckled. "I hoped you'd have better tastes in movies than that."

"You'll have to come over sometime and check out my rad movie collection,"James invited with a smile. "Hope in," he called, motioning to his car. "I'll drive you home."

Riding with James was always fun, typically more so when it was just the two of them. He sat in the passenger seat, listening to James sing along to the radio. The other boy had one of the most amazing voices he'd ever heard. Not only was his voice beautiful, he sang with such conviction.

_But what do you say to taking chances? _  
_What do you say to jumping off the edge?_  
_Never knowing if there's solid ground below or a hand to hold._

Kendall listened to those lyrics (and his voice) and thought about how relevant they were. He just had to make a move, take the chance and see what happened, good or bad. His heart thudded violently in his chest as he reached over, slipping his hand under James' idle one, lacing their fingers together. He brought James' hand to his lips, kissing it softly. It warmed his heart to see the blush creeping onto James' face that obviously wasn't caused by the cold.

Their fingers remained laced the whole ride and Kendall wondered if there was a better feeling in the world. He stroked his thumb across the back of James hand, wanting to touch every inch of skin possible. Kendall was amazed at how soft and warm James' skin was. He now wished he didn't live so close to the movie theater; he wanted this to last forever. But sadly it came to an end much sooner than he'd hoped.

The second he laced their fingers together and James squeezed his hand back slightly, Kendall knew he was finally going to make the move. This, however, was before they pulled up to his house to find Katie watching them intently.

"Little sister,"he explained to James, who looked vaguely intimidated. In the split second James looked away, Kendall used both arms to make the "shoo" gesture. He smiled charmingly as the other's attention returned to him.

"I had fun tonight," James said softly, brushing the hair from his face.

"Me too," Kendall replied, "We'll have to do it again sometime."

"Definitely,"James affirmed, grinning wide. "See you next week."

"You bet," Kendall murmured, getting out of the car, waving as James drove away.

"You're 5 minutes late!" Katie warned him the second he walked through the door.

"Who are you, Mom?" he questioned, surprised by her maternal interrogation.

"Dad would've been pissed," she insisted, sitting back down on the couch.

"Dad was an asshole," he replied easily, coldly.

It was Katie's next question that really caught him off guard. "Why? I mean I know he was mad a lot..."

"Okay Katie, here's the thing," he sighed as he took the spot on the couch beside her. "There was a lot to dad you didn't see," he took a deep breath to calm his trembling body. Even after all these years, it was still a difficult topic to discuss. "I guess I sheltered you better than I thought. You remember all those hockey injuries I used to get? The broken arm, broken nose, all the black eyes and bruises. Most of those weren't from hockey." he took a moment to recollect himself. "Dad was angry a lot like you said and those times I was stupid enough to cross his path, he would lash out physically as some sick way to release his aggression." His lip almost quivered as he continued. "That night, he was gonna hurt mom and I had to stop him."

"Why didn't you just tell me?" she asked softly, obviously still processing the new information. It was a lot to take in at once.

"You were seven Katie," he answered, almost breathless with devastation. "I didn't want your childhood to be ruined like mine was."

"You're the best big brother," she told him softly, hugging him suddenly. "I love you."

Kendall smiled and hugged her back. "Love you too little sister."

Although it wasn't the reaction he was expecting, Kendall was glad to finally get that out in the open.

James _hated _Thanksgiving; it was his least favorite day of the year. What was a day of giant feasts and quality family time to most was a day of isolation and sorrowful remembrance. That's all the day meant to him and he hated it for that. From the second he woke up, a deep bitterness settled in his gut. He wanted to return to his warm bed and sleep until the holidays were over.

"HAPPY THANKSGIVING!"

His step-mom's overly cheery greeting made him sick; one, there was nothing "happy" about this day and two, after almost 3 years he still resented the woman for trying to take his mother's place. _No one_ could. This thought made him miss her even more. She was all he could think about on that day. He could still vividly remember the last time he was with her.

_He felt extremely guilty about leaving; he wanted nothing more than to stay. But everyone else insisted different. Before he was forced to leave, he brought her another box of tissue, some cold medicine and a thermometer. He, of course, made sure her phone was on her bedside table. _

"_Call or text if you need __**any**__thing," he said. "Love you Mom."_

"_Love you too sweetie."_

And that was the last thing she said to him. He assumed she was fine since he didn't receive any calls or text. Unfortunately it was quite the opposite. The memory still brought tears to his eyes. James wasn't sure what it was, missing his mom so terribly, maybe that combined with having to watch his dad and step-mom together, he just lost it.

He couldn't do it, couldn't handle the remembering, the lingering pain of that day. Just then he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He fished it out and opened a text from Kendall.

_Happy Thanksgiving!_

He felt his sorrow replaced, momentarily, with happiness. He got up, grabbed his keys and headed to the one place he knew he could seek refuge from his own sadness.

Kendall _loved _Thanksgiving; it was one of his favorite days of the year. Not only was it a day which involved eating in mass quantities, but it was a worry-free day to spend with his family. It was the first Thanksgiving without his dad and he experienced a weird feeling of contentedness. He wouldn't declare he was happy but he wasn't emotionally torn about it either. Everything was good, he had the rest of his family, they were happy and healthy and he couldn't ask for more.

He woke up that afternoon (he decided to sleep in and catch up on some much needed sleep) to the enticing aroma of home cooking. An excited, fond grin spread over his face; his mom must already be in the kitchen, cooking away. He tiredly rolled out of bed, not even bothering to change out of his pjs before running out into the kitchen. His mom, with Katie's seemingly willing help, was making some side dish. IT was nice to see her love for making big, extravagant meals hadn't changed.

He was just about to tell them how delicious it smelled when there was a knock on the door. Silently volunteering to answer it, Kendall made his way to the front door, swinging it open. He was surprised to see James standing on his porch, his usual cheery demeanor elsewhere. His soft brown eyes were red and puffy, tear stains running down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, brushing the hair from his eyes. "I didn't know where else to go."

"Come in," he said softly, stepping aside to let the other boy in.

"Who's that?" he heard his mom call.

"It's just James," he returned, focusing his attention back to James. He sat down next to the other on the couch. Placing a comforting hand on James' shoulder, he felt his heart tighten at the sight of tears in his typically happy eyes.

"What's going on James?" he pressed gently.

"I just...couldn't be there," the other boy whispered tearfully. "Not today."

"What do you mean?" he asked, voice gentle and sweet as he rubbed his hand over James back soothe the distraught teen.

"I can't stand being around them today." That was when James completely broke down, violent sobs racking his strong body and Kendall wasn't going to press any further; he didn't want his curiosity to upset James so deeply. The tears falling from his eyes looked so out of place. This wasn't a side of James he'd seen before; it was nice to know James trusted him enough to let his guard down. Vulnerable, he bowed his head down, tear-filled eyes slipping shut.

Kendall felt it; he knew it was the moment. The comfortableness they held with each other made their unspoken, unestablished relationship apparent, their willingness to express the typically feared emotions told Kendall all he needed to know about _them._ There was undeniably something between them.

Kendall reached over, placing a finger under James' chin, tilting his gaze up. He brought his hands up to James' face, thumbs tenderly wiping away his tears, stopping just seconds later to cup his wet, rosy cheeks. And without another thought or doubt (at this point, he had none), Kendall leaned forward, capturing James' bottom lip between his in a sweetly firm kiss.

In that moment, lips pressed together, nerves on fire, the two boys forgot about everything. The darkness of their morbid pasts faded with the bright light of their new romance. There was them and that's all that mattered.

The kiss broke seconds later, Kendall's eyes opening to find James' lingering shut, his hands still clutching his own as if holding onto the blissful distraction their brief kiss held. It might've been short but it lasted long enough for the boys to feel the sparks that flew when their lips touched.

Kendall stroked his thumb over James' cheek and jaw while the brunette came back down, eyes softly fluttering open. The blond offered a small smile. His heart was racing at what seemed an almost dangerous rate. He figured that's what love did. It also impaired one's choice of words, so scared of being left speechless that one just said the first thing that came to mind.

Kendall found this to be painfully.

"My mom always said a kiss could fix any booboo," Kendall mentally cursed himself for mentioning his mom and using the word (was it actually considered a word) "booboo" in the same sentence, the first words spoken after their sweet kiss. "I guess this is different," he went on to say. "Honestly, I've just wanted to kiss you for days. _No, _since the first day I met you."

And Kendall will never forget James' response: a gentle, sweet second kiss. It spoke louder than _any _words ever could.


	7. Chapter 7

"_James!" the blonde groaned, tangling his fingers in the other's soft, brown hair. He watched the brunette's plump lips sliding down over his hard length; the sight drove him crazy with arousal. A slight seen of sweat broke over his body as his hips bucked up into James' warm mouth._

_He couldn't really believe they were in this position, him sitting on his bed with James on his knees in front of him, dick stuffed in his mouth. He could feel the tell-tale shake in his leg, signaling his impending release. The greater pleasure in his life coursed through his body seconds before..._

He woke up from possibly the greatest dream _ever _suddenly, chest heaving, sweat beading down his forehead. He sighed as the annoying aftermath of a wet dream became apparent, the sticky white substance drying on his unusually warm skin.

It had seemed like forever since he'd had to deal with this. There hadn't been anyone decent enough to dream about in prison and even before that there hadn't been anyone he was interested in. But now both of those were false so there was nothing stopping him from dreaming of the other boy. He stumbled out of bed and off to the bathroom to clean himself up.

He got ready for school like normal but he had another twenty minutes before James would be there to pick him up. He found his mom downstairs, quickly fixing up some breakfast before she bolted off to work. She worked at a popular restaurant one city over, so it took her away frequently for extended amounts of time. He was often times left to babysit his little sister; he didn't really mind though.

"So Katie told me you guys had a talk last night..." He waited for his mom to continue; it sounded like there was more coming. There was _always_ more. "Why would you tell her that Kendall?" she questioned, setting a plate down in front of him. "She's just a kid."

"Yeah, the same kid you take to _therapy _every other week," he quipped, only to sigh when his mom glared at him. "She's not the same little girl she used to be, she's grown up," he reasoned, pushing around the eggs on his plate. "Besides, I'd rather she hear it from me."

"Maybe I just shouldn't go in today..."

"You don't trust me!" Kendall accused, hurt and disbelief clearly expressed in his voice and across his face. "I can take care of Katie, Mom. I always have."

Any further argument was cut off when he got a text from James who was now waiting outside for him. Fighting off the surge of irritation that was creeping up on him, he grabbed his backpack, promptly leaving, not bothering with a goodbye.

He couldn't believe what his mom had been implying. He would _never _do _any_thing to harm or endanger his baby sister. His intentions were always the dead opposite. Why his mom couldn't see that, he didn't know.

But the second he climbed into the passenger seat and saw James smiling back at him, everything else seemed to just melt away. All his worries and frustrations didn't mean a thing and he was overcome with overwhelming happiness, an infectious joy that just forced a smile onto his face.

Ever since their first kiss, their relationship had hardly changed. He still felt that initial flutter of his heart whenever James smiled at him, which had increased greatly since then. The boundaries of their relationship had yet to be reassessed and every time he was with James, so were Carlos and Logan. The two _always _seemed to tag along; he and James were never alone...until now.

"Considering how long it took you to kiss me, I better get this ball rolling," James said, only partially joking. "You've got 5 minutes before we get to Carlos' house to ask me out."

"Unless you don't want to," he mumbled when met with Kendall's momentary silence.

Kendall found his hands begin to tremble. He knew he should've told James everything that second because relationships were nothing without honesty and lying from the get-go was destined to blow up later.

"I want to James," he whispered, sincerely, "It's just...my life here just started it seems and everything's bound to catch up with me soon. I don't want you caught in the middle of all my drama."

Kendall then braced himself for the numerous questions James would inevitably hammer him with as they pulled up to Carlos' house. He didn't expect him to silent tug back his sleeves to reveal two nasty, thick crisscrossed scars on each wrist. A myriad of smaller, more faded scars marred his flawless skin, almost all the way up to his elbow.

"We've all got our shit Kendall."

_Each word stabbed at his heart with such an intense pain he almost stopped breathing. James was practically his brother and the reality James was describing, that he'd somehow missed, was downright horrifying. But still he had to just sit and listen, despite the hundreds of questions on his tongue. _

"_I don't know how to describe it," James muttered meekly, picking at the bandages around his wrists. "I guess all the physical pain makes everything else hurt less, takes the focus off it."_

_Logan couldn't fathom such a pain that James felt the need to seek refuge from it by physically and intentionally harming himself. It didn't take a doctor to know that wasn't healthy. And Logan wanted to be a doctor some day so he took it into his own hands that his first job would be fixing his best friend. _

Carlos emerged from the shower to find Logan lost in his thoughts, which wasn't exactly uncommon. He knew exactly what was on his mind too. Despite his barely passing, slipping grades, he understood what was going on. Sometimes Logan used big words he didn't know but this time he understood his boyfriend's thought process. That didn't mean he agreed with it.

He was with Logan that night they found James in his bathroom, motionless on the floor, both wrists slit. He had been at the hospital, alongside Logan, listening to James claiming he didn't intended to kill himself. Everything Logan had experienced, so did he. He supposed they just had different definitions of "protect" and Logan's was a little too similar to "smother" or "suffocate." Logan meant the best, he knew that.

Walking over to his bed, he leaned down to kiss the other out of his thoughts. "Stop thinking so much cutie, nothing good ever comes from it."

"I can't help it Carlos," Logan sighed, sitting up and crossing his legs. "I just don't want him to go through more crap. I don't know if he'd be able to take it."

"You have to trust him," the Latino boy said, pulling on some boxers.

"It's not James I don't trust..." Logan told him, looking up at his boyfriend with vulnerable, concerned eyes. Carlos swore Logan could get whatever he wanted with that look, those puppy dog eyes. He was defenseless against them.

Kendall's breath hitched as James revealed the scars all over his forearms. His heart constricted painfully at the sight. He wanted to know why all these marks littered his seemingly perfect skin, wanted to know what caused James _that _much pain. He didn't want to ask, he knew James would tell him when he was ready.

Before he could stop himself, he was reaching over, fingertips brushing over the thickest, nastiest one. James looked up at Kendall with a gentle expression.

"Look Kendall..." he sighed, inching his hand back to lace his fingers with Kendall's. "Whatever it is, I'm a big boy, I can handle myself."

"It's not you James," he assured the other, reaching up to tuck back a few strands of hair behind his ear. "This is me, it's my burden and I won't put that on you."

"You're trying to rebuild your life and I respect that," James said softly, "Just...don't make me wait forever okay?"

Kendall smiled, brushing his thumb over his cheek. "I promise."

And then, seconds later, Carlos and Logan got in the backseat, fingers laced as usual.

"Hey there's this carnival a few towns over," James brought up, glancing over at the other boy, "Wanna go with me tonight Kendall?"

The blonde grinned, "Sure, I'd love that."

"We'd love to join too," Logan interrupted leaning forward to smile at his friend.

"Okay," James chuckled.

Kendall hated how James thought the other's odd behavior was amusing. Nothing about it was amusing, more irritating really. But as always, he just bit his tongue and pretended it didn't annoy him immensely. Anything to make James happy.

Kendall ignored Carlos' excited rambles about the carnival in favor of brainstorming ways to keep his past hidden. He knew he had to be honest with James eventually but he was just so scared of losing him that the thought of telling him everything absolutely terrified him.

Logan settled back against his boyfriend; it was getting exhausting inviting them into all of James' plans with Kendall. He smiled softly up at the other boy, relaxed by the kiss Carlos placed to his forehead. It was amazing how much crap Carlos put up with him; that was one reason he loved Carlos so much. They pulled into the parking lot and found a decent spot before they all 4 got out.

"Why don't you and walk ahead?" Logan said to Carlos, subtly gesturing towards James. After promising to catch up with him later and kissing his cheek, Carlos walked off with the other boy. James seemed to be eying him suspiciously as he grabbed his school bag. He knew this would probably be a hard conversation to have but they _had _to have it.

"James, I need to talk to you about Kendall..." he started uncertainly as they began walking to school. He didn't miss the expression on James face at the mere mention of the other boy.

"I honestly can't remember the last time I was _this _happy Logan. Kendall is so..." he paused, glancing over at him. "I think I'm falling in love with him."

Logan's eyes went wide at this confession. How could this happen? This couldn't be good at all.

"I know!" James exclaimed to his seemingly surprised and luckily unnoticably worried expression. "It's so soon but no one has _ever _made me feel like this before."

Logan's heart broke; this is exactly what he was afraid of. James would fall for him then Kendall would break his heart or hurt him even worse. He couldn't break it to him now; he wanted to protect James but not at the cost of his happiness because who was he to ruin the one thing that made James happy.

He just couldn't do that, despite his logic arguing that James would get hurt either way. At least this way he wasn't the one causing it. At least when it all went down, James wouldn't resent him for ruining his chance with his "dream" guy.

"I was just going to tell you I think Kendall likes you," he lied, knowing I twould kill him if he was the one to hurt his friend.

"I think so too," James muttered blushing and Logan instantly noted it as the same expression he wore after his and Carlos' first kiss. He honestly wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing; for once, he just didn't know.

It was finally the last period of the day and Kendall was beyond antsy. A mere hour stood between him and a week without school. Normally he'd be bittersweet to the occasion because then he wouldn't get to see James but the brunette had already insisted they hang out so Kendall was beyond excited.

And all that they were doing was watching a movie on work place safety. He smiled as James slid a piece of paper his way. Despite the teacher's skeptic, disapproval, they _always _sat by each other. He peered through the darkness, reading the note.

_The only thing hazardous in this place is that girl's hair. Seriously, what is this, the eighties?_

Kendall was about to laugh (a little more so than usual because that's what you did when you really liked someone) when the pair was called over to the teacher's desk. They exchanged wide eyed nervous glances before both walking over there.

"I can't believe that bitch is making us do extra credit," Kendall exclaimed heatedly as they walked to James' car. Their teacher had called them over to alert them of their near failing grades and that, if they wanted to get them up, they'd have to do mandatory extra credit, which involved _correctly _preparing 2 dishes which they had to serve to a family member of some sort. Kendall would never be cruel enough to submit his family to that.

James chuckled, "I can."

The typical guy response of hitting James arm (not hard of course) for response was smothered by the overwhelming urge to kiss him.

He had to do his best to suppress this same urge as he got out of the car. The same on James' face when he proclaimed that he'd see him tonight made his heart speed up a little. Walking to the door, he tried to calm it but found himself unable to do so. He greeted his little sister who was watching TV still on a high. His mom came into the room, adjusting her earrings.

"Oh good, you're home," she exclaimed. "I need you to watch Katie."

"But I have plans tonight." He honestly didn't mind watching her but he did when it interfered with his plans with James. "Besides, I thought she had that sleepover."

"She barfed in the middle of class today," Katie chimed in, not appearing too broken up about it.

"They think its the stomach flu," his mom explained.

"She's old enough to stay home alone," Kendall insisted.

"Can I mom?"

"No," she answered shortly before turning back to him. "You're watching her, end of story."

He groaned in frustration as his mom left for work.

"Sorry big bro," Katie said, a hint of guilt in her voice.

He plopped down on the couch beside her. "Don't worry about it." He pulled out his phone to text James his inability to go.

Message sent to James

_Is this carnival one night only?_

"Were your plans with James?"

He nodded.

New message from James

_runs all week_

Message sent to James

_stuck babysitting sis tonight. reschedule?_

"You really like him huh?"

Kendall looked over at his sister and nodded again, face expressing his deep fondness for the other boy.

New message from James

_sure. want some company tonight? _

"Yeah, I really, really do."

"Don't mess it up."

"I'll try."

By the time 6:30 rolled around and James' car pulled into his driveway, Kendall was absolutely giddy with joy. A whole evening just himself and James, no pestering from James' friends. Well, Katie would be there but she wasn't nearly as bad as Logan, seeing as she didn't want to systematically destroy his chances with the other boy.

"Be more obvious," Katie said sarcastically, referring to the wide, goofy grin he wore walking to the door.

"I can't help," he muttered as he swung the door open. They'd only been apart for roughly three hours and Kendall found he missed him as if they hadn't seen each other for weeks. The blonde couldn't even fathom what he might've done had Katie not been sitting right there.

"Hey," he greeted casually, stepping aside to the let him in.

"Hey."

It was still funny to Kendall how much James' sweet smile affected him. James kicked off his shoes and went to hang up his coat and in that few seconds Katie gave him the thumbs up.

"James, this is Katie, my little sister," he introduced them but Katie's attention was now focused back on the TV.

"_Katie_! This is James," he put on a smile to cover up his irritated emphasis on his sister's name. He was grateful she looked up long enough for a brief "hey" to be exchanged. He rolled his eyes as her attention snapped right back to the TV.

"So how about a tour?" James asked with a grin.

"Alright, this is the living room," he said, leading the other boy through the room and into the kitchen. "And this is the kitchen. Pretty interesting huh?"

"Super," James affirmed with a joking smile.

"You just want to see my bedroom, don't you?" Kendall questioned, eying him with a playful suspicion.

"Guilty," he exclaimed, chuckling softly.

"Right this way then," he murmured, leading James down the hallway to his room. "Ta-da!" he exclaimed (AW), lacking the typical enthusiasm associated with that exclamation. His room was nothing special and frankly a little messy, a tad more so than could be covered by the usual boy messiness.

James smiled, stepping into the room. It might not have been extravagant like he was used to but he loved it. It was warm and cozy, not to mention it smelled exactly like Kendall and that was possibly his favorite scent in the world. He looked down, noting all the clothes, including boxers, lying discarded on the floor. That was a sight he desperately wished to see in his own room.

The smile that spread over his face when entered must've been permanently etched onto his lips because he couldn't wipe it off if he wanted to. It did, however, turn into a slight smirk as he walked over to Kendall's bed, falling down onto it.

Kendall wasn't sure what possessed him to do so but he found himself joining the other boy on his bed. He laid beside James, on his side propped up on his elbow, so close his chest brushed James' side with each breath he took. His hand reached over, brushing a few pieces of hair back before cupping his cheek and bringing their lips together.

This kiss wasn't as tender as their first two; it held more passion and intensity, lips moving together in a slow, sensual rhythm. It lasted much, much longer too...

The show finally ended and it'd been almost twenty minutes since the two disappeared upstairs. Katie wasn't completely sure she wanted to go find out exactly what they were up to but she was super hungry and their mom had left them money to order a pizza. Even though the door was wide open, she felt like she was invading their privacy.

Of course the two were so engrossed in each other that neither of them noticed her there at all. She smiled proudly as she headed back out to the kitchen to grab the phone. She was happy her brother found someone who made him so happy and James seemed like a good guy. She dialed the pizza place, ordering their dinner and letting the two have their moment.

No matter how hard he tried, Kendall just couldn't bring himself to end that perfect moment. Every time he pulled away, he was roped right back in. He made the mistake of looking into James' eyes when he pulled back and his self-control went right out the window. It was the sight invitation that drew him back every time and he wondered if he'd ever be able to get away, though _not one _fiber of his being wanted to.

His lips tingled with excitement and his heart raced with the ecstatic rush as he slowly, reluctantly pulled away. At least this time he had enough sense not to mention his mom or any present "booboos."

"So remind me again why you can't ask me out," James said only partially joking, still slightly breathless from their lengthy kiss.

Kendall shook his head, on a high and unable to process anything that wasn't the feel of James' lips against his. "I don't even know," he answered dumbly, reaching back up to caress the other's rosy cheek. He was about to lean down and kiss James again when a voice from the living room interrupted them.

"Kendall! Pizza guy is here! Where's the money Mom left?"

Kendall sighed, pulling away from the other boy, who followed him out to the living room. He paid the guy and took the pizza into the kitchen, placing it on the counter. A small smile tugged at his lips at the blush that still resided in the other's cheeks. He loved knowing he had the same effect on James as James had on him. He let his fingers brush against James' as he passed behind him to grab the plates.

A whole pizza and 3 hours of TV later, 10 o'clock was approaching and it was past Katie's bedtime. She insisted she was too old for a bedtime and he kind of agreed but he knew his mom would be pissed if she stayed up too late. 10 minutes passed since Kendall went to check to make sure she was actually going to bed. James grew curious and a little impatient of sitting alone so he went to investigate.

He peeked in the open door and was almost in awe at the sight before him. Katie was in bed under the covers and Kendall was sitting on the edge of her bed, singing to her softly. The other boy had a very melodic, soothing voice, made apparent when, 5 minutes later, Katie was sound asleep. It was a heartwarming sight to witness.

"Works every time," Kendall commented, exiting the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.

James smiled, casually lacing their fingers together and holding his hand as they returned to the living room. A moment's frown spread over his face when they sat back down and Kendall untangled their fingers. His smile returned, however, and increased tenfold when the other boy instead put his arm around him.

He felt a blush tint his cheeks as he settled against Kendall's side. It wasn't long before he was falling asleep, lulled by the security of being in the arms of the one he loved.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N : Honestly, this is not one of my favorite chapters. I rushed/forced myself to write it and it didn't turn out exactly how I wanted but this will do. It's also on the short side. I made up for the crappiness by adding lots of fluffiness. Can you guys believe we're already on the 8th chapter? I can't.**

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Kendall wasn't typically a morning person; something about waking up period was just an absurd concept to him. Why would one want to part from the warm coziness of their bed? He hated that he had to do it each and every morning.

Despite this deep hatred towards the act, Kendall didn't mind waking up that next morning. Firstly, they weren't exactly in the most comfortable position ever, both scrunched up on the couch, huddled against each other closely. _That _was the part he didn't mind so much. The alluring scent of James filled his senses and his eyes fluttered open, taking in the brunette by his side.

James was still sleeping soundly beside him and he remained as still as he possibly could, not wanting to disturb his "sleeping beauty." Before he met James, he never would've let himself get away with saying something as cheesy as that but as soon as James came along, his whole life seemed to change, for the better.

He noted how peaceful James looked, face relaxed, breathing steady. James' head was still resting on his shoulder and Kendall found himself craning his hand back to gently comb his fingers through James' soft hair. Even this soft action caused the brunette to stir, murmuring softly as his eyes slowly opened. He peered up at the other boy tiredly, stretching his legs out.

"Morning," Kendall muttered with a wide grin.

James returned the smile and sat up on the couch, trying to rub away the sharp ache in his neck. "What time is it?" he asked softly, turning back to look at the blonde before his phone vibrated in his pocket, indicating an incoming text. He fished his phone out of his pocket to open the message.

"Ten bucks says it's from Logan," he mumbled jokingly.

James chuckled, laughing even harder when he saw the sender of the text. It was indeed from Logan. He opened the text, cursing as he read what Logan wrote. _Where are you! You were supposed to pick us up for the carnival a half hour ago._

"Oh crap," he whispered, "It's past two already."

"How did we sleep that long?" Kendall questioned, confused by how they sleep so long without once waking up. Sometimes being a teenager was just exhausting, he supposed.

"We were supposed to pick Carlos and Logan up at two," James told him, standing up while attempting to smooth down his slightly messy hair. "I look like shit."

Kendall almost laughed at those words coming from James' mouth. He was so beautiful and there was absolutely no denying the fact. "No," he said softly, shaking his head and standing up to kiss James chastely. "Beautiful," he murmured against James' lips, brushing his hair back affectionately. "Should we go pick Carlos and Logan up?"

"Who cares about them?" James questioned, only half joking as he got caught up in their closeness. The feel of Kendall's hands on his waist, the smell of his cologne, the warmth of his breath against his lips. It was all very intoxicating and James wouldn't even dream of ruining it by doing something as stupid as leaving. However, that decision wasn't made for him as his phone once again started vibrating in his pocket. _Logan. _Go figure.

By the time James finally arrived to pick them up, it was nearing 3 o'clock, almost an hour past their appointed meet up time. It would be an understatement to say Logan was worried but then again, it wouldn't even need to be expressed. His anxiety was obvious, not only by his personality but his demeanor as he sat on the couch, waiting, legs shaking nervously.

He'd been ready to text James 15 minutes after he hadn't showed up. The other boy was usually pretty punctual and it worried Logan that he was so late. Finally, half an hour passed and Carlos finally gave him back his phone so he could text James. But when the brunette didn't answer after the first few minutes, he'd been forced to call him, beyond relieved when he picked up.

The worry that came with James' unknown circumstances didn't fade when the brunette's car finally pulled up outside his house. There were a few seconds of ease where his heart rate almost returned to normal before it spiked back up at James' surprisingly less than perfect appearance.

James was always perfect; he put in more time and effort than any girl he'd ever met. James' typically perfect hair was messy. It was _messy. _Logan had only seen it out of place twice in his whole friendship with James. What would cause his friend to suddenly lose interest in his appearance? His messy hair, his tardiness...

Logan was horrified at the possibilities that ran through his mind. Something in his mind just clicked and his eyes went wide. He remembered his own hair's dishevel after his first time with Carlos; it had been a complete mess. He hoped that wasn't the case for James; he knew how James felt about Kendall but he had no clue how Kendall felt about James and that's what worried him. James wasn't ready for intimacy and it would inevitably end inpain for the other boy.

"Nice hair," Carlos chuckled, also noting James' concernedly messy hair.

"Shut up," James muttered, swatting the other's hand away when he brought it up to ruffle his hair. "We fell asleep on the couch and woke up late. I didn't have time to fix it before Logan freaked out."

"Hey, I made him wait 30 minutes before he could text you," Carlos chimed in, proud of his effect on the other boy, who, for once, didn't seem to be paying any attention.

"Huh, I thought it was a little weird that he waited that long," the brunette commented with a smirk.

Logan sighed almost audibly at this announcement; he was relieved to know James hadn't taken that next step with Kendall. He knew James and he knew he couldn't handle such an emotional act. He was still healing from the last emotional blow he took. Logan just settled against his boyfriend, enjoying the soothing touch trailing up and down his arm, trying to fight off a worry-induced headache.

It was an hour ride that consisted of James singing to the radio, Kendall telling ridiculous jokes that made only James laugh (far too loud) and Logan falling asleep on Carlos' shoulder. Normally Carlos would've been all for joke telling but Logan seemed worried by something. Not that it was an uncommon occurrence but each and every time still concerned him. No matter how irrational Logan's anxiety was at times, Carlos was madly in love with him and hated the thought of something eating at him so severely. Of course, no words could permanently alleviate his worry but Carlos tried his damn hardest to find the right ones.

He insisted Logan just rest and try not to worry. A few minutes later, the other boy was fast asleep on his shoulder. He smiled fondly; it was such an endearing sight. Only in sleep did Logan's face ever look 100% peaceful. He loved seeing that expression on the other's face, he just wished it was there more often.

"Babe," he pressed gently, shaking the sleeping boy beside him as they pulled into the parking lot. On a typical visit to the carnival or amusement park of any kind, Carlos would be bouncing with excitement but he was very conscious that that wouldn't be the nicest way to wake up. It was funny to Carlos to think about all the ways Logan had such an effect on him.

Kendall peered around as they walked up to the ticket booth. It was nothing like what he went to back in LA. All the amusement parks there were huge and crowded. Waiting in line for hours took away all the fun of going. This place, though, was perfect. It was small and people were sparse. He'd never been to a typical small town carnival. He was excited to go and even more so that it was with James.

The aforementioned boy seemed to be reading his mind. "Nothing like LA huh?"

"Nothing," he affirmed with a spaced-out grin. He snapped back to reality, glancing over at the other boy as they entered the carnival. "Everything in LA is like at least 3 times bigger than this."

"And how is that a bad thing?" James questioned, chuckling at Kendall's dreamy expression as he looked around.

Kendall shrugged, "Just wasn't my thing, I guess."

"If you don't like the LA ones, then this one doesn't stand a chance," James joked as they watched Carlos bounced off ahead of them with Logan.

"Nah, this is perfect," he insisted with a soft smile. "It's small, not crowded, and I'm here with you."

James glanced over at the blond, a light tint of pink coloring his cheeks. He matched Kendall's soft smile. Their eyes locked briefly and they shared lingering fond expressions before Carlos came rushing up to them.

"You guys are _slow_!"

James rolled his eyes at his friend's typical behavior and increased his pace to keep up with his friend as they headed towards the ferris wheel. Once his two friends were out of earshot, James leaned over to whisper in Kendall's ear. "It's like a cheesy first date or something."

"I don't know, I kinda like it," Kendall replied.

"You might have to hold my hand," James said suavely, smiling shyly at the other boy. "I'm not that great with heights."

Kendall smirked, fingers toying with James' as they stood, waiting in line. "I was going to anyways."

James couldn't describe the feeling of butterflies in his stomach whenever Kendall did or said something sweet. He would've thought this feeling had gone away after their 2nd kiss when things began to feel more natural, more mundane. But the closer they got to a relationship, the more these butterflies persisted. He couldn't get them to go away and it scared him because he'd _never _felt this way before.

He was falling in love, practically already submerged, and it was a terrifying feeling, being neck deep, unable to swim but trusting someone else to keep you afloat. He was out at sea and Kendall was his lifeline, keeping him from drowning. James was honestly starting to feel like he could trust the other boy with his life. Which is one reason he was letting Kendall take him on the ferris wheel despite his fear of height.

He stepped forward and took the designated seat, smiling nervously as Kendall sat beside him. They strapped them in and the machine jolted to a start. James gasped at the sudden movement, albeit slow, and squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to open them until the ride was over.

He felt a warm touch against his thigh and figured it was Kendall. Blindly, James grabbed at Kendall's hand, squeezing it desperately, heart racing at an elevated pace.

Kendall smiled fondly, watching the beautiful boy beside him. James obviously did not like heights in the least bit. His fear was almost endearing, made Kendall want to hold him and take away that fear.

"James," he leaned over to murmur in his ear, returning James' hold on his hand. He laced their fingers together, squeezing his hand reassuringly.. "Open your eyes. It's such a beautiful sight. You have to see it."

Back to trusting Kendall with his life, James figured the other boy wasn't and wouldn't lie to him. He cracked his eyes open, skeptical at first, opening them fully to take in the sight before them. He noticed they were at the very top, suspended there for a few minutes. Despite his fear of the height they were at, James had to admit it _was_ beautiful.

All the bright lights shining around them, he could see all the people walking around the carnival. But perhaps the most beautiful sight was sitting right beside him, holding his hand because he was scared of the height of a ferris wheel. That was more appealing than any beautiful scene. Nothing would ever take his breath away like that.

"You're right," James said softly, reaching up to brush Kendall's hair back affectionately. "It's perfect up here."

And with that, he leaned over, pressing his lips against Kendall's, engaging them in a tender, loving kiss. Just like each and every time they kissed, sparks flew between them and their amazing chemistry became evident. It didn't last very long at all, but it seemed to reiterate everything they already knew about how they felt about one another.

They both pulled away with the widest grins, neither wanting to untangle from each other. The warmth of their touches kept either boy from pulling away. If they had their ways, they'd never have to. James was beginning to wish this ride lasted longer as they were lowered back to the ground. He saw Logan standing with Carlos over by the corndog stand and a devious grin spread over his face.

"C'mon," he urged, grabbing Kendall's hand as they got off the ride, running off in the opposite direction of the other two boys. He would've questioned the boy's strange actions but his joyous laugh as they ran around was enough to sell him. Whatever they were doing, wherever they were going, he didn't care, as long as James kept laughing _like that._ It was like music to his ears.

He followed as James led them behind the funhouse, a secluded area where it was just the two of them. "What was that for?" he asked, curiously.

James shrugged, "I don't even know," he said, trying to catch his breath. But right when he glanced back up again, Kendall proceeded to take his breath away once again with a sudden, unexpected kiss. After the initial shock wore off, James' hands flew up to cup his cheeks and he kissed back with everything he had.

He felt that moment could've lasted forever and he would've been perfectly happy. But they both knew it had to end eventually. James rubbed his thumb across Kendall's cheek, resting his forehead against Kendall's, just enjoying the closeness of their bodies.

"This one's already _way _better than the ones in LA," Kendall murmured, staring into James' deep brown eyes.

James had to laugh. Kendall always said the funniest things right after they kissed. He liked to think it was because his kiss left the other boy speechless, at a lack of anything better to say.

"I think I'm warming up to it too."

"Where have you two been?" Logan exclaimed as they two rejoined them half and hour later.

"Funhouse," they said in unison, exchanging glances before bursting out in identical laughter.

Logan just rolled his eyes, obviously not finding it as funny as the other two boys thought it was. "Okay, weirdos. James, can you take Carlos on the train ride? You know I can't stand it."

A still chuckling James took Carlos towards the kid themed ride, away from the other two boys. Kendall glanced over at Logan nervously, this couldn't be good. There was only so many reasons Logan wanted to get him alone. He stood there and waited for it, for the "hurt my friend, I'll hurt you" speech that he knew was coming.

"I don't know you that well Kendall," Logan began, glancing over at the blond. "You and James are getting really close and that scares me."

Kendall's brows furrowed together in confusion. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I just don't want James to get hurt."

"Me neither," Kendall answered simply. He never wanted to hurt James, never wanted to cause him any sort of pain. He never intended to. As long as he would know James, he vowed never to be the reason for the other's pain. But somewhere, deep inside him, he knew that his past would eventually come back to break that promise. But Logan didn't need to know that.

Logan nodded, "Good to know we're on the same page."


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I like this chapter a lot more than the last one. You guys get another slice of James' past and a super amount of pointless fluff. Reviews are always appreciated. **What would you guys think about a sequel? Let me know.**

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_The warmth that surrounded him that morning seemed almost impossible to part from. Security from the arms around him made him never want to leave. The feeling was absolutely perfect and there was nothing that could tear him away, it was exactly where he should/wanted/needed to be. _

_His eyes fluttered open slowly, the sight before him making the moment even more perfect. Soft, sandy blond hair hung over sweet emerald eyes that were staring right into his with such a calm intensity. A smile tweaked his lips as Kendall pulled the covers over his body. He grabbed the edge of the blankets, hand ghosting over the other boy's._

"_Morning," the blond murmured gently, running his thumb over the sleep boy's soft, rosy cheek._

"_Morning," he returned, clutching his blanket to his chest, the sweetest smile on his face._

_Kendall chuckled as he reached up to comb his fingers through James' soft, albeit slightly tangled, messy hair. "You've got a wicked case of bed-head."_

_The brunette squeaked indignantly at this announcement, hands flying up immediately to his head, trying to smooth down his supposedly unruly hair. _

_Kendall's chuckle turned into a full blown laugh at his worried reaction. "You look amazing, as always," he whispered, grabbing James' hands and lacing their fingers together, giving each one a soft kiss._

"_If by amazing, you mean deflowered, then yeah totally," James muttered, glancing up at the other boy with the most sincere glint of vulnerability in his eyes. Kendall leaned over, reassuring him with a tender, loving kiss._

Actually waking up that morning was pure torture after the wondrous dream he'd had. Waking up with Kendall was so nice and cozy that he'd actually dreamed of it, wishing it was reality. But sadly that was not so and he woke up alone. He grabbed his phone off his bedside table, blushing as he sent a quick text to the boy he was thinking about.

Kendall didn't want to wake up. It wasn't due to a pleasant dream he was experiencing or the fact that his bed was extremely warm and who would want to part from that? He just couldn't find a reason to get out of bed. Not like he had anything of high importance to do. It was winter break and sleeping in was kind of a requirement.

He would've slept right through the afternoon, had he not received a text at around 10am. Typically, he would despise anyone or anything that woke him up at such an early hour but he couldn't help the smile that spread over his face upon finding out the sender of that text.

New text message from James:  
_Morning Kendall. I know you're probably not awake right now but I just wanted to let you know I'm __thinking about you_

He felt his grin widen even further. He never would've believed that such a beautiful boy like James would be sending him such a sweet text like that. It almost felt like a dream and he figured that's what falling in love felt like. A never-ending dream sequence forcing its way into reality. Kendall honestly didn't mind it one bit. The last few years of his life had been a hellish nightmare so, to say the least, this was a nice change for him.

Message sent to James:  
_morning James. im up now. returning the favor_

New text message from James:  
_Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. Just kinda bored._

Message sent to James:  
_:) dont worry about it. id have to get up eventually_

New text message from James:  
_Since you're up...any chance you want to do some x-mas shopping with me?_

Message sent to James:  
_that was your plan all along huh_

New text message from James  
_I would never! O:-) But if you're free..._

Message sent to James:  
_i would love to join ya_

New text message from James:  
_:) Pick you up in a half hour._

Despite the fact that he was probably already in, Kendall still felt an overwhelming desire to impress the other boy. Half an hour was usually _more _than enough time to get ready before he met James. Ten minutes used to be all he needed to throw something on but now it seemed he couldn't leave the house without trying on 3-4 different outfits. With Katie's help in training him how to dress himself nicely, he knew how to step it up from his usual flannel and jeans.

He hoped desperately that James noticed how hard he was trying. Though he caught himself wondering if that mattered considering the fact that he _knew _James liked him. It was obvious; he could tell with every look, touch, kiss. There was no denying it, no getting around it. Similarly, his own feelings worked the same way. It was obvious to himself that he was in love with James but he just hoped James knew that too.

He shook all these thoughts out of his head and consequently the butterflies from his stomach, jogging out front to meet James. He watched, for a second, with a fond smile as James, obliviously to his presence, sang along to the radio. Kendall himself standing there breathless, utterly captivated by this boy he'd gotten to know and fell in love with in just a few short months.

Slightly reluctantly, he pulled the passenger door open and slid into the seat. The most fantastic, endearing thing about James, he didn't even flinch or stop singing where most people would be embarrassed to be caught belting out songs on the radio (though he honestly had no reason to be embarrassed). James thrived on it, loved the attention. His desire to be famous was becoming even more apparent.

Kendall waited until the song was over, patting his thigh and tapping his foot along as James held out the last note. Kendall absolutely _loved _the giant grin on James' face.

"I love that you always let me finish," he muttered sweetly, biting his lips and meeting Kendall's gaze.

"Who wouldn't?" the blond chuckled, reaching over to toy with James' soft hair. "Your voice is amazing. I could listen to it all day."

James averted his gaze for a moment before glancing back up shyly, a light blush covering his cheeks. "Stop," he whispered playfully.

"Never," Kendall murmured, inching closer with every intention of kiss James but his seat belt suddenly restricted him, pulling tight against his chest and yanking him back. James covered his mouth, unable to stifle the snort that resulted from the noise of struggle Kendall let out. He laughed whole-heartedly at the expression on the other's face, a frustrated devastation.

His laughter died down to a fond smile as he shifted over, capturing Kendall's top lip between his in a soft kiss. He pulled away with a big smile. "See? That wasn't too hard," he teased the restrained blond. With a mischievous grin, he leaned over once again, bringing his lips torturously close to Kendall's, stilling them just inches apart. "You just lean over and brush your lips like this." Each word spoken brushed James' lips against Kendall's. James pulled away, seconds later, chuckling at the blonde's frustration.

"Funny," he mumbled, bottom lip jutting out in a slight pout.

"I thought so."

"Just drive pretty boy."

"You think I'm pretty?" James questioned in a jokingly flattered way.

"Beautiful," he affirmed with the utmost sincerity, grabbing James' hand to lace their fingers together.

There were definitely, irrevocably, undeniably in love with one another.

Kendall honestly didn't mind the hour trip they took each way to go to James' favorite mall. One, he found it practically impossible to say no to James. Two, driving with James was always loads of fun. Between watching and listening to James' beautiful singing (which he _always _did while driving) and holding hands with him (which they did often while driving), Kendall couldn't find a reason to complain.

Kendall could see why James liked this mall as they walked from his car to the front entrance. It was pretty big, almost to rival those back in LA. It felt like home for a second and Kendall wasn't sure how to feel about that. But he did know how to feel about spending an entire day with just James, and no one else. He was definitely looking forward to that. Plus he could get all his Christmas shopping done too, not that he actually had that much to do much of it. His mom and sister were the only two but he definitely wanted to get James something, he just wasn't sure what yet.

He let James lead them around the mall, just following the other boy as they headed to designated stores. Like Kendall had any control when it came to James anyways. The boy had such a deep affect on him, something Kendall had never felt before in his entire life and while part of it thrilled him, there was a larger more significant part that terrified him.

That was the same part that refused to tell James of his dark, morbid past. It wasn't just that he was ashamed of his actions but more so of what James would think. He was scared that the brunette wouldn't want a criminal like him in his life and he would end up deserting him like everyone else in his life. And he knew he wouldn't be able to handle losing James. Even in the fairly short time they'd known each other, James had left such an impact that Kendall would never fully recover, he wasn't sure he even wanted to.

He must've been more consumed in thought than he assumed because he was snapping back to reality to James' face a few inches in front of his own. They were stopped in the middle of the mall and were receiving numerous stares of curiosity and offense. He ignored them, eyes only focused on James'.

He reached up, gently pushing a loose strand of his hair back, smiling at the gaze of James' soft brown eyes "God, you're so beautiful," he whispered before he could help it. The words just slid off his tongue, leaving his lips with ease, no hesitation or reluctance, pure genuine sincerity and adoration.

Kendall certainly didn't miss the beautiful blush that stained the other boy's cheeks before he coughed and gestured to the store behind him. _Carter's_. "M-mi-mind if we go in here?" James stuttered a bit, obviously slightly flustered by Kendall's comment.

"Not at all," he smiled and followed James into the, what he'd soon discover to be, baby clothing store. Just a little curious, he watched as James walked to the right side of the store, which was filled with an excess of bright pinks and greens. His eyes began to hurt a little. James did not seem affected by all the bright colors; he went on shopping like normal.

James seemed to notice his slight discomfort, face contorting with guilt. "Sorry, I just want to buy something for my niece. I'll make it quick."

Kendall, a little distracted by the thought of the other holding a little baby girl, shook his head, as if shaking away the adorable mental image. "Oh, no. It's fine." he insisted, refocusing on reality.

James eyed him incredulously. "What are you thinking about right now?" he questioned curiously, intrigued by Kendall's dreamy grin.

Before he was forced to answer however, a perky sales associate approached them, informing the two of all the "great clearance sales" they were having at the time. He wondered how this girl perceived them: two attractive young men shopping at a baby store together. He found he was rather content with this presumed assumption that they were together.

After picking out a few cute sets, they worked their way over to a round table which housed a variety of baby shirts (all still a tad to bright for Kendall's tastes) with sayings like "Daddy's little princess", "I love Mommy", "Nuts about Grandpa" "Grandma loves me." After looking over the table for a minutes, James glanced up at him with an almost laughably offended expression. "Where the hell is the uncle stuff?"

"No one loves you enough," Kendall joked, faking the utmost sincerity.

"I don't know, I think you do," James teased right back and Kendall had to bite his tongue to keep from openly declare his absolute agreement with that particular statement.

Their next stop was the jewelry store, which was a much quicker stop. James wanted to get his sister something nice for Christmas since her birthday was just a few days after. He knew exactly what he wanted as they walked in, having looked online a while ago. They walked out five minutes later, another bag added to James' grip. Kendall had offered to carry one of his bags but James just smiled and declined, insisting he was okay.

Their next destination was a mystery to both boys, neither had a clue where they should go next so they ended up wandering around the mall for a while. It wasn't an entirely unpleasant experience; they talked the whole time they walked, easy simple conversation like always.

They were making their third loop around the mall when James was casually greeted by another guy who appeared to be their age. Kendall felt a slight surge of jealousy rush through him but it soon faded as James made a face once the seemingly sweet guy passed.

"I hate that guy," he muttered, shaking his head.

Kendall's brow furrowed in confusion as he craned his head back to get one last passing glimpse of the other guy. Amongst this confusion, there was admittedly a tad of relief at James' detest for this guy. "He seemed nice," he said with a shrug, making sure to sound and act casual when inside he was dying to know who the hell this random guy was.

"He, uh, used to call me fag all the time," James began quietly, voice strained with past pain. "He would always beat me up, pick on me, call me names..." he paused again, taking a shaky breath. He debated with himself momentarily if he truly wanted to divulge this big part of his past to Kendall. One, would the other boy actually care about his sob story? And two, was he honestly ready to be that open and vulnerable with someone else?

Kendall lightly gripped James' arm, leading them over to a bench so they could sit down. He watched the other boy's face scrunch up with emotion, obviously struggling but failing to mask his pain and hold back his tears.

"He made sure he made my life a living hell...before my mom died. I missed a lot of school after that. And when I returned, rumors that I had tried to kill myself had circulated all around school," the brunette looked down at his lap, throat tightening with the effort not to cry. Whenever he talked about that time in his life, he couldn't help but get emotional. He could only hope that wouldn't drive Kendall away. "After that, he started being really nice to me. It's not because he's a nice guy. It's pity and that was the last thing I needed at that point in my life. And I know its really stupid to be crying about this but I just...see that guy and it all comes rushing back-"

Kendall cut James off before he could finish the sentence; he didn't need to, Kendall understood exactly what the other boy was going to say. He wrapped one arm around James' waist while bringing the other up to the back of his neck, gently guiding his head onto his shoulder. He hugged the brunette tightly against his own body, hand tracing soothing patterns over his back. Despite the scattered stares they received, Kendall held James as a few soft sobs shook his body, whispering any comforting words he could think of.

"It's not stupid to get emotional James," he told the other as they pulled apart. With a gentle hand, he reached up to wipe the tears rolling down James' cheeks, deeming them out of place on his flawless, happy face.

Kendall almost felt a little guilty; James was so open and up front with him about his past. He felt he should be able to return the favor, trust James enough to tell him all his secrets. But it wasn't a matter of trust. He trusted James with his life but the brunette wouldn't do the same after he knew everything he'd done.

James placed his hand over Kendall's, keeping the other's hand flush against his cheek, comforted by the warm touch it brought. It was such a foreign concept to James, being so comforted by someone's touch. A year ago, he had some pretty dangerous habits to achieve this comfort and to think, Kendall came along and could provide that so easily. James had trouble fully understanding how that was possible, but he found that he didn't really care. He had Kendall and he never had to worry about feeling that hopeless ever again.

Kendall felt such a strong, deep urge to protect James, to wrap his arms around him and never let him go. The intense vulnerability shining in his eyes made Kendall's heart skip a beat and in that missed beat, he possessed such a yearning to express his undying promise that he would be there for James, no matter when or where, he would always have a safety net to fall back on. James' vulnerable beauty seemed to steal any words he had so he settled for a kiss, pressing his lips against James' to translate all this to him. By the soft, sweet way James kissed back, Kendall knew he understood. And that moment, their moment, was absolutely perfect.

Fingers tightly laced, they walked into the electronic store, determined to pick up a special pair of headphones for Katie. Kendall had felt the need to reassure the other boy that he was there, give him a sense of security. That's why he had immediately grabbed James' hand once they got up and held it securely as they walked around. It would be a lie to say that he didn't enjoy holding hands with James but he repeatedly told himself it wasn't about that. It was all about making James feel safe.

The day passed fairly quickly, hours seeming like minutes, minutes barely seconds. Neither of them realized where time had gone until it was long gone and they were heading home. Despite his better judgement and his lack of a license, Kendall sat behind the wheel, coasting down the freeway while James sat in the passenger side. A long day of shopping and walking around had taken a lot out of the other boy. Without his usual dose of caffeine, he was having a hard time keeping his eyes open the whole drive home.

Kendall would look over and smile fondly as he saw the brunette's head resting against the window, his eyes fluttering shut. He turned the radio down and let the other sleep peacefully. It wasn't until he pulled up to his house that this posed a problem. There was no way James would be able to safely drive home in his current state.

He figured that James would have to just stay the night at his house and drive home in the morning when he was much more awake and coherent. Now, the only problem was getting James inside the house. Kendall got out of the car and made his way around the car. He slowly opened the passenger door, crouching down and maneuvering it so he could pick James up. He slipped his arm under James' legs and wrapped the other around his waist, lifting him from the seat and carrying him up to the door.

Somehow, Kendall wasn't quite sure how, he fished his house key out of his pocket and opened the front door. Kicking the door shut behind him, he slowly made his way towards his room. James wasn't the lightest person in the world but Kendall did enjoy having the sleepy brunette in his arms. He gently laid James down on his bed, slipping his shoes off and throwing them to the floor. He tugged the blankets from under James' body and pulled them over him, leaning down to kiss his forehead before turning to take residence on the couch for the night.

A soft, barely audible voice sounded behind him. "Stay with me," James murmured sweetly, looking up at him with sleepy but demanding eyes. Kendall smiled and kicked off his own shoes, sliding into his bed beside the other boy. James rolled over so they were face to face and rested his head on Kendall's chest, who responded by wrapping his arm around James' shoulder, welcoming his body against his.

And that's how they fell asleep, cuddled together on Kendall's bed, James lulled to sleep by Kendall's heartbeat and Kendall lulled by James' soft, steady breathing. Kendall's last thought as he drifted to sleep consisted of nothing more than James, how he was head over heels in love with him, and how severely that terrified him.


	10. Chapter 10A

**A/N: I decided to post this early even though I'm not done with everything I planned in this chapter. I really wanted to post it early so I decided to cheat the system and name this chapter 10 part a and I'll finish and post part b later. This chapter has so much unexpected, unplanned fluff and sweetness. Hope you guys enjoy. (And about a sequel, I think I'll probably just write a long epilogue instead)**

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_His heart thumped violently in his chest with each hesitant step he took. The strongest hunch had overtaken him the second they got home; he knew something was wrong. He could feel it in every bone of his body. After ushering Katie off to her room, insisting she locked the door and not to come out until he came to get her, he made his way through the house. Each room found silence and empty space. _

_The family living room, the kitchen, and the bathroom were all empty, showing no sign of recent occupants. It wasn't until he was by his own room (which was right across from its parents' bedroom) did he finally hear evidence of life in the house. His mom's whimper. He peered into the open door and instantly brought a hand to cover his mouth from screaming at the sight before him. Adrenaline shook his hands and his whole body as he ran back to the kitchen, instincts telling him to save and protect his mom. He grabbed the biggest knife he could find and headed back to their room, taking a deep breath before easing the door open._

Kendall woke up that morning, chest heaving erratically, skin covered in a light layer of sweat as he sat up, rubbing his hands over his face. He pulled them back, noting the way they shook. It was a tremble that no amount of deep breathing could calm. He tried taking in a few deep breaths but it had no affect on his distressed state. But one look at the gorgeous boy sleeping beside him...

He couldn't describe it; there were no words, he found, to describe this amazing power James had. There was just something about the other boy that instantly calmed him. One look at him and all the memories of their short time together, all the touches, the kisses, even the pointless conversation, it all had a way of taking Kendall away from that troubled time in his life and reminding him what a great place he was in. It reminded him that he had someone to fall back on, someone to catch him when he fell. He realized this, that this was why one look at James was so calming to him.

He just wished he would/could use this rationale to convince himself to come clean to James about his past. After all, the brunette had been more than open with him. So who was he to not return the favor? In all honestly, Kendall found he could spend hours thinking about this, debating it, running over the various outcomes in his head. And that's what scared him, thinking of all the ways James could reject him afterwards. He realized that honesty and communication were two key aspect of a relationship but he kept telling himself that he wouldn't have a relationship at all once he did finally honestly communicate with James about his past.

Sighing and taking one more glance at the sleeping boy beside him, he rolled out of bed and downstairs to make some breakfast and clear his head.

James awoke with the strongest sense of content; the morning's temporary disorientation left him momentarily confused of his whereabouts but the second he inhaled, that confusion left him. The wonderful mix of cologne and fabric softener filled his senses, providing such a relaxation that he couldn't describe. He loved that distinct smell that couldn't describe any other way than just _Kendall. _It was his favorite scent in the world.

He rolled over in Kendall's bed, finding, sadly, said blond was not sleeping beside him. Shaking off that initial disappointment, wanting to wake up to the feel of Kendall's arm around him, he got out of bed and shuffled in the direction of Kendall's upbeat singing. This lead him to the kitchen and he stood in the doorway for a few moments, watching with a fond smile as Kendall poured three bowls of cereal, dancing and singing while he did so. Katie was joining in on this fun, getting the milk from the fridge.

Kendall seemed to notice him a few seconds later, completely comfortable with the situation James had found him in. Most people he knew would be embarrassed to be found jamming out in their kitchen. That's what he loved about Kendall, his assurance, his confidence in himself and everything he did.

"C'mon," Kendall pressed gently, "Grace us with your voice."

James waved his hand dismissively, "Not so early," he groaned. He made a point never to sing this early in the morning, his voice was usually still adjusting to being awake.

A soft smile graced Kendall's lips as he gestured towards the far counter. "Coffee's almost ready."

The look on James' face was priceless; it was such a deep appreciation and probably a little bit of shock at how well he knew the brunette. But nevertheless, it brought the biggest smile to Kendall's face. Any happy expression James exhibited seemed to do this. He couldn't change it even if he tried. He would never even dream of doing such a thing.

Had Katie not been sitting there eating her cereal, James would've given Kendall a thank you kiss. He settled for a quick peck on the cheek instead, mouthing his appreciation. A light blush spread over his cheeks at the fond smile on Kendall's face. If Katie noticed this exchange between them, she didn't mention it.

James poured himself a cup of coffee and added a bit of vanilla creamer before taking a seat at the island beside Katie. He smiled up at Kendall as the other set a bowl of cereal down in front of him.

"Sorry," Kendall apologized with a chuckle, "You know how great my cooking abilities are."

"It's perfect," James murmured, taking a sip of his coffee. Their eyes locked for a few seconds before each boy turned away with a blush and smile. Katie sighed, quickly finishing her cereal then excusing herself to the living room to watch TV.

James looked up at Kendall, patting the seat beside him invitingly. Kendall took that seat beside him, setting his bowl down on the counter and grabbing his spoon. He shoved the spoonful of cereal in his mouth, not noticing the few droplets of milk dripping down his chin. With a soft smile on his face, James reached up and thumbed away the liquid, wiping it on his napkin. He couldn't resist the urge to reach back up again, running his thumb over Kendall's soft cheek, staring into his sweet, gentle emerald eyes. His other hand toyed with the blonde's soft hair, sifting his fingers through it, letting it fall back into place with the soft giggle when it fell in front of his eyes. He brushed it back out of his face, biting his lip shyly.

Kendall just sat there, not really mind all the brunette's affectionate touches. James was just being far too cute for him to stand; he leaned over in his chair, bracing a hand against the back of James' and pressing his lips against the other boy's soft ones. He moved his lips against James', smiling when the other kissed back slow and sweet. That was his favorite kind of kiss with James, the ones that weren't rushed and could/would go on forever, the ones he could get tangled up in, the ones he got caught up in. He could spend eternity kissing James like this and it would never seem quite long enough.

Kendall pulled away slowly, lips still tingling and curling into a giddy smile. He sighed in content, resting his forehead against James', one hand resting on his thigh while the other combed through his soft, slightly messy hair.

"You busy today?" he whispered, lips still lightly brushing against James'.

James shook his head, wearing the widest grin. "I didn't have anything planned."

"Wanna bake those extra credit cookies for cooking class today?" Kendall asked, hopeful that James would say yes, not so it'd be easier but that he'd get to spend another day with the brunette. "I know she said we could do it separately and frankly you'd probably be better off doing it alone or with someone else but-"

James tilted his head forward, taking Kendall's top lip between his, interrupting him with a chaste kiss. "I wouldn't dream of making cookies with anyone else."

"Somehow that's a little surprising to me," Kendall said with a chuckle.

James laughed too, softly, to keep from expressing how much he loved baking with Kendall, how much he loved Kendall period.

"You know, you could die if you keeping doing that," Kendall informed the brunette as he placed blobs of chocolate chip cookie dough onto the baking sheet. It was their second batch, their 1st decent one; the very first batch was deemed inedible. This batch was apparently _much _better if the amount of dough James had already consumed was any indication.

"What?" James asked innocently, looking up with questioning brown eyes. His expression would've been downright adorable had he not frozen with his lips curled halfway around his finger. Kendall feared _he _might die if James continued being so unknowingly sexy.

Kendall had to force himself back to reality just in time to register James slowly drawing his finger from his mouth. "E-ea-eating too much cookie dough," he stammered, a light blush from dirty thoughts dusting his cheeks. "You could die from eating too much."

James repeated this action again, dipping his finger into the bowl to gather some dough before popping it in his mouth once again. "I don't even care," he moaned, licking the delicious, sugary substance from his finger. "That would be a happy death."

"I would care," Kendall whispered hotly, before he, having had enough of James' unknowing teasing, crashed his lips against the other boy's. After initial shock wore off, he felt James kissing back with the same desperate passion. The kiss was fast pace and needy, deepening within seconds, Kendall tasting the sweetness on his tongue.

In the heat of the kiss, Kendall's hands gripped James' hips, guiding him back against the wall. He didn't even realize until a soft gasp hit his ears that his own hips were pressing James' against the wall. He flashed a sheepish grin before diving forward once more, resuming their hot, deep kiss. Kendall took James' parted lips as an opportunity, slipping his tongue into the other's mouth. He smiled into their kiss at the feel of James' hands on him, one cupping his cheek, the other tangled in his hair. His own hands wandered a bit, one slipping under James' shirt, enjoying the feel of soft skin.

Another gasp was emitted into the kiss and Kendall had no clue who it had been but Kendall didn't acre because the way their tongues were sliding together was nothing short of intoxicating. It wasn't just him either; James felt the exact same way, transfixed on all the different emotions and sensations rushing over him; the feel of Kendall's hands on his hips and under his shirt, how good Kendall's lips left against his own and how secure it felt to have Kendall's body against his.

Somehow, in the middle of a make out session in the middle of Kendall's kitchen, he had never felt as safe as he did in that moment. He would've given himself to Kendall that second, if he asked. But unfortunately their location didn't allow that and an obnoxious beeping reminded them of that. With much reluctance on both their parts, they pulled apart, both panting slightly. The repetition of the timer instilled a sense of urgency and Kendall went to remove the cookies from the oven.

"Mind if I shower real quick?" James asked breathlessly, still leaning back against the wall.

Kendall could really only nod, speechless from their heated make out session, even more when James, whose cheeks were a deep pink, leaned over and kissed his cheek in appreciation.

Kendall's stomach and heart always did funny things whenever James was around; his heart would skip a beat when James looked at him with those soft brown eyes, his stomach filled with butterflies when James was about to kiss him but Kendall found it impossible to describe how he felt when James came back into the kitchen, newly clad in a pair of _his _sweats and one of _his _sweatshirts.

"Hope you don't mind," James murmured, leaning against the doorway.

Kendall's heart fluttered, his stomach turned and his head spun at the beyond endearing sight of James in his clothes. "Not at all," he answered with the fondest, caring tone in his voice. There was just something about how at ease they were with each other that James felt comfortable enough to go into his room and just borrow some of his clothes. (Not that Kendall minded at all.) There were so many things about James that he loved, he'd never have enough time to discover every little fact about this love. But he wouldn't mind spending forever trying.

"Need help with anything?" James asked, smiling cheerfully, moving to stand beside the other boy, who was mixing up some ingredients.

"Yeah, grab the flour," Kendall said, pointing to a cabinet behind him. He tried to ignore how James' (_his_) shirt rode up when he reached high, revealing a patch of smooth skin of his lower back. It took everything he had to resist the temptation to touch and kiss that exposed skin. This momentary distraction was all it took and his hand slipped, falling into the bowl of mixed ingredients. James, holding the flour, turned around and burst out laughing as Kendall pulled his hand from the mixture.

"You think that's funny?" Kendall growled playfully, wiping his hand off on the dish towel.

James grinned that sweet grin of his and nodded. "Yeah, a little bit."

"Do you trust me James?" he asked, teasingly menacing as he dipped his hand into the flour. Somehow, the two gravitated towards one another, like some divine force insisting they be together.

"Yeah," James whispered without a second of hesitation. Their closeness made his head spin a little.

"You shouldn't."

His confession was on the tip of his tongue; he was so close to divulging every secret of his past. His words held a morbid truth; James really shouldn't trust him. He hadn't even the brunette any reason to do so; even when James was completely honest with him, he didn't exercise that trust enough to talk about his own past. And, as a dozen times before, he chickened out.

Instead of coming clean, he killed the silence by running his flour covered hand through James' hair, causing him to squeal indignantly. Kendall chuckled lowly, "Calm down," he muttered affectionately, running his clean hand through James' hair, removing all traces of flour from the other's damp hair. The soft smile tweaking James' lips made Kendall's heart soar, he'd _never _get used to that feeling. Just as he leaned in for what seemed like their hundredth kiss that night (not that he was complaining), they heard the front door open and stepped apart, resuming dinner preparation with secret smiles.


	11. Chapter 10B

**A/N: So I totally didn't expect to get this done today but I had a sudden urge to write this before work. Wow, it's been like three chapters without Carlos and Logan. I was literally kicking myself while writing that last line because wow that is disgustingly cheesy but oh well. And three, I am so unbelievably excited that I get to write the 11th chapter now! It may take a whlie but it will totally be worth it! So this picks up right where part a left off.**

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Dinner had been surprisingly content; surprising considering how many times his mom gushed over how cute James was and how she was so impressed that he got Kendall to cook. He had a moment of panic when James asked where his dad was and Katie was about to answer with honesty he didn't possess. Luckily his mom redeemed her previously embarrassing behavior and interrupted his baby sister before she could. He held in his sigh of relief, glad that wasn't the moment James found out. He didn't want James to find out like that, he wanted to gain enough courage to tell him himself.

"If you like this boy," his mom had said when James left to the bathroom. "Then you'll have to tell him eventually."

Kendall knew that was true; this wasn't exactly new information. He'd been telling himself this all along but that didn't seem to sway him. As many times before, James brought him out of his thoughts with a soft, genuine smile.

"Hey," he whispered, hands tucked in the pockets of the sweatpants of Kendall's he still wore. James wasn't sure if he ever wanted to take them off.

Kendall stood up from the couch, walking over to the other boy, wearing an identical soft grin. Cupping his blushing cheeks, he leaned forward, placing the sweetest tender kiss to James' lips. He brought his hand up to brush back James' hair, kissing him again. He could/would do that all day if he had the chance. "Hey," he murmured finally, against the other's lips. "I suppose you're going to head home now." There was an obvious reluctant sorrow in the blonde's voice.

"I don't really want to leave," James muttered, fingers curled around the fabric of the other's dirty t-shirt as he demurely looked up to meet Kendall's gaze. They shared another brief but sweet kiss (like every other time they kissed). "Ever," he added with a chuckle, resting his forehead against Kendall's.

"Then don't," Kendall insisted gently, hands dropping down to rest on his hips.

"I'd be here forever then."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"I don't even know," James laughed joyously, shaking his head in a slow unknowing manner. That was just one thing about Kendall that James absolutely adored; he had this unspoken ability to leave him speechless, at a complete lack of words or thoughts. It was both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.

Kendall grabbed one of James' hands, lacing their fingers together and leading him towards the front door. James slipped his shoes and jacket on, turning towards the front door. Before he could step towards it though, Kendall stopped him, gently grasping his arm and pulling him close once more. He would never get enough of the brunette. Pulling him close enough that their chests touched, Kendall engaged them in a passionate goodbye kiss. It was probably a tad more dramatic than necessary but Kendall wasn't exactly sure when they'd see each other again. If he had it his way, it wouldn't be long at all.

"I guess I'll see you at school next week," Kendall said as they pulled apart.

James leaned forward to give him a short, reassuring peck on the cheek. "You know we'll see each other before that."

"I hope so," the blond whispered, caressing James' soft, rosy cheek.

James smiled fondly, eyes shining with laughter. They shared one last kiss before James finally made his way towards the door. "Night Kendall."

"Night James."

It was amazing how well James understood that Kendall feared they wouldn't see each other until school resumed next week, James insisted they would definitely see each other before then. It made his heart flutter a little bit; one because of how well James understood him and two, because James was essentially making another date to hang out with him. Not that he minded either of those reasons.

Much like James predicted, they talked the very next day. Kendall absolutely loved how, occasionally, James would forgo the texting and just call him, for no apparent reason whatsoever. He loved James' sweet texts but he enjoyed the sound of James' voice even more. It had an incredibly soothing effect on him.

"Hey, what's up?" he answered casually, slouching on the couch while he watched morning cartoons with his little sister.

"Hey," he heard James reply on the other line. "Not much. I'm at the hospital and it's super boring."

Kendall sat straight up, eyes widening in shock and anxiety. "What?" he exclaimed, mind reeling at all the possibilities that landed James in the hospital and praying that he would be okay. "Are you okay? What happened?"

He heard James laugh and he was a split second away from asking what was so damn funny when the brunette began to explain. "Relax. I'm here for my sister; she went into labor this morning."

"Oh," Kendall said simply, fear quickly leaving his body. "That's cool."

"Not that cool," James muttered.

"Yeah, you sound thrilled about it," the blond pulled along, a giant grin tweaking at his lips.

"I've been here for hours Kendall!" the other groaned, voice expressing this obvious exhaustion. "_Hours_! With nothing to do! And the cafeteria coffee is disgusting! So I'm running on no coffee. Kendall, this isn't fun."

"Do you want me to bring you some good coffee?"

Kendall could practically hear James' face light up at the offer. "If you don't mind..."

"Not at all," Kendall chuckled. "See you in a bit."

After making Katie promise she wouldn't tell their mom that he left her alone for a few hours, he headed to the local coffee shop (the one James had shown him that he absolutely adored) and then made his way to the only hospital in town. The maternity ward was on the second floor at the end of the right wing. He smiled the second he saw James, curled up on the waiting room chair, idly flipping through a men's fashion magazine. He came up right behind the other boy, lightly covering his eyes with one hand.

"Guess who!" he said in a sing-song voice, waving the warm coffee under the other's nose.

"Ummm..." the brunette hummed in thought, cocking his head to the side, playfully drawing out this process. "Hmmm...I don't know, this is a hard one."

"Maybe I'll take this coffee back," Kendall murmured innocently, teasingly pulling the coffee away.

"No!" James whined, making graspy hands towards the coffee. "I knew it was you Kendall."

Kendall smiled at how adorable James was, handing the other boy his coffee, unable to tease him any further. It was hard to resist when James was pouting like that.

James took a sip of the drink, letting out a soft sigh of relief. "Thank you for the coffee," he said sincerely, smiling as Kendall took the seat beside him. "Seriously, how long does it take to have a baby? I've been for _hours_! I didn't even have time to do my hair this morning!"

Kendall chuckled; it was so characteristic of James to worry about his hair at times like these. Honestly most people probably found this conceited but it was endearing to Kendall, just another quirk of James that he absolutely loved. "It just looks like you-"

"have been deflowered?" James interrupted questioningly, looking at the blond with wide eyes.

Those words flashed a dangerous image through his mind. James lying beneath him, writhing in pleasure, head thrown back as he cried out in...

He had to physically shake his head to keep this daydream from going any further. One second longer and they would've had a serious problem, one that wouldn't have been very convenient given the circumstances. "I was gonna say 'just woke up.' God James, get your mind out of the gutter," Kendall teased coolly, ignoring his overwhelming desire to be the reason for James' messy, untamed hair.

"I will if you will," James replied smoothly, a smirk tugging at his beautiful lips.

The way James' lips curved into that smug expression set something off in Kendall; he felt his resolve quickly crumbling and found himself defenseless against the temptation to kiss the other boy. This was something he knew he would never overcome; he'd give in every single time.

The kiss was short and sweet, neither boy wanting to drag it out too long in such a public place (though most people here probably had more to worry about). However, this didn't stop Kendall from gently brushing the hair from his face and locking eyes with him. "Then you have to stop being so damn beautiful," Kendall murmured, so softly he thought he was the only one who heard it.

But apparently that wasn't the case because James' cheeks were turning the sweetest shade of red and it did funny things to Kendall's heart. He wasn't sure why he was still surprised whenever this happened. It was a frequent occurrence, almost every time James looked at him, touched him, did _any_thing.

Suddenly James was pulling away and Kendall had to try his hardest to hide his obvious frown at this. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, a huge grin graced James' lips. "They say it'll be a few more hours."

"Why do you sound really happy about that?" Kendall asked, brows knitting together in confusion.

James stood up from the chair, grabbing Kendall's wrist and dragging him up. "C'mon!" was his only explanation as he allowed James to drag him through the hospital and out to the parking lot. "I have something I want to give you back at my house," he finally said as they got in his car.

Kendall remained silent, wondering what it could be as James reached over and laced their fingers together contently.

"Okay, close your eyes."

Kendall smiled and did as he was told. They were in James' bedroom, Kendall sitting on his bed, with his eyes closed. Admittedly, Kendall was a little curious as to what exactly was going on. In the short few seconds he had his eyes shut, his mind entertained him with the endless possibilities.

"Okay, open them!"

Kendall wasn't really sure what to expect when he opened his eyes but a neatly wrapped box was lower on the list.

"Was it really necessary that I close my eyes?"

"Just open it!" James exclaimed, shoving the box in his direction then sitting beside him on the bed.

Kendall chuckled and began unwrapping the box, doing so at a teasingly slow pace until James hit him and insist he go faster. The blond just smiled and tore the paper off, lifting the top of the box up. He gasped in surprise at what rested in the box.

James smiled excitedly beside the other boy, watching as his face lit up, eyes wide with shock and appreciation. He could tell Kendall loved it.

"A maple leaves jersey?" he questioned, "This is so freaking cool!"

"Turn it over," James demanded lightly.

If Kendall seemed excited before, that was nothing compared to seeing his last name stitched across the back, right above his lucky number. Kendall leaned over, wrapping his arms around the other boy in an appreciative hug. "This is so awesome James. Thanks!"

The huge smile on Kendall's face was payback enough.

"I've got something for you too," Kendall said softly, pressing his lips to James' for another chaste kiss.

James, clearly enjoying the kiss, didn't seem to get the point. "Can I have another one?"

"That wasn't your present James," Kendall told him, chuckling lightly.

"Oh," came James' oddly disappointed response.

"Well don't sound disappointed!" the blond exclaimed.

"Then give me another kiss," James demanded, pursing his lips.

Kendall shook his head in slight disbelief, but otherwise happily oblige. He wouldn't never turn such an offer down.

"Okay so it's not much," Kendall began, handing James the messily wrapped present. "And my mom had to help me because I'm really terrible at things like this and I wanted it to look nice for you."

James heart skipped at beat in excitement as he gently tore at the wrapping. His breath caught in his throat when the present was fully exposed. It was a beautiful brown photo album, a photo holder on the front. Beneath the plastic was a picture of his mom, one of his favorites. He couldn't help but tear up, both at remembering his mom and the unspeakably sweet gesture from the boy he now knew he loved. He looked up at Kendall with teary eyes, unsure how to voice his immense gratitude.

"And Carlos helped a little too," he admitted, nervously scratching the back of his head. "He said you really needed a photo album for all your pictures of your mom and he told me that was your favorite one so I thought it seemed fitting."

James was absolutely spoken, at a complete loss for words. He looked down at it again, running his fingers over neatly written words along the bottom. _You're the something I hold onto when I'm left with nothing._

He glanced back up at Kendall again, apathetic to the tears streaming down his face. He set the album beside him, standing up and immediately wrapping his arms around Kendall's neck, burying his face in his shoulder. He couldn't suppress the few, mostly happy sobs that shook his body. After a few minutes of Kendall soothingly rubbing his back, James sobs quieted and he pulled away. Kendall reached up and gently wiped away the other's tears, leaning forward shortly after to kiss James softly. Unable to use words to thank Kendall, he poured all his appreciation, his gratitude, everything into that kiss, in hopes Kendall would know exactly how much this meant to him.

"This is so amazing," he breathed, fingers toying with the hair on the back of the other's neck as he rested their foreheads together. "I can't...I don't even know..."

Kendall silenced him with a tender kiss, wrapping his arms around James even tighter. James would never know how to fully repay Kendall for this amazing gift but little did the brunette know that Kendall considered his presence, in involvement in his life more than enough to ever pay him back. James himself was the greatest gift Kendall had ever received in his life and he knew that would never ever change.


	12. Chapter 11

**Warnings: Explicit sexual situations and more than one scene that will break your heart in a million pieces****  
****Notes: Okay so seriously, this is the longest chapter I have ever written. 7300 words on my word document. No joke. I am amazed (and only horribly tired considering its almost 4am here). I've spent the late seven hours working on this chapter. And I am so in love with it. It turned out better than I imagined and I'm very happy with it. I feel like I have a lot to say about this chapter but I am way to tired to remember so I hope you guys will like it too. Review to let me know.**

**I had to reupload this because chapter because all my formatting was destroyed and it'd be really hard to understand without the page breaks.**

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_Twenty, nineteen, eighteen, seventeen..._

Brightly, multi-colored confetti showered down on them as they stood, breathlessly awaiting the end of the countdown. James shook his hair frantically, trying to dispel the confetti pieces from his hair. Kendall smiled fondly and assisted with this, running his fingers through James' soft hair. It wasn't of much use because more fell just seconds after but Kendall didn't mind; he could do this all night. James laughed as Kendall increased his pace, rapidly combing his fingers through his hair again and again. James reached up to grab Kendall's hands, bringing them down to their side and holding them there tightly.

_Sixteen, fifteen, fourteen, thirteen..._

"You know it's good luck to kiss at midnight," James informed Kendall with a sly grin and light blush.

_Twelve, eleven, ten, nine..._

"I don't need luck," the blond murmured, fingertips dancing along James' flushed cheek. "I have you."

_Eight, seven, six, five..._

"Just kiss me at midnight," James sighed, eyes twinkling with his playful demand.

_Four, three, two, one..._

Their lips met in an excited kiss, possessing all the urgent thrill floating around them as the crowd cheered at the beginning of the new year. James couldn't imagine any better way to reign in the new year than having Kendall's strong arms wrapped securely around him, his lips pressed to his.

Everyone and everything faded away; nothing even mattered when they were together. James smiled into the kiss, cupping the other's cheeks as he deepened it, moving his lips against Kendall's in a slow, sensual rhythm. Kendall couldn't help but pull James' body flush against his, keeping his hands on the other's lower back.

They remained in this embrace for what seemed like an eternity of ignorant bliss. There were a few scattered stares that went unnoticed by them. Green eyes were focused solely on chocolate brown ones, expressing a careless, happy joy.

"Let's go," he leaned over to whisper in Kendall's ear over the insistent roar of the crowd. He grabbed Kendall's hand and led him out of his parents house and down to the guest house (turned his house). He immediately plopped down on the couch, patting the space beside him with an inviting smile.

Kendall sat beside him and grinned fondly when James settled closer against his side, head resting on his shoulder. He draped his arm over James' shoulders, idly running his fingers up and down the other's arm. James grabbed the remote and began flipping aimlessly through the TV channels.

"So you know that Valentine's day dance the school's having?" Kendall questioned.

"Yeah?" James pressed, craning his neck up to look up at the other boy.

"Do you wanna go with me?"

James' face lit up at this proposal and he nodded excitedly, "Definitely."

"Cool," Kendall murmured with a small smile. His only reply was James' soft, steady breathing as the boy fell asleep on his shoulder.

* * *

Kendall was a little disappointed when he woke up that next morning, instantly noting the distinct lack of cute brunette cuddled against his side. He sat up, working the kinks out of his neck; it was a tad stiff from its position on top of James' head. Glancing around the room, he saw that James was nowhere to be found. He did see, however, Carlos and Logan seated in the reclining chair. Logan was sitting between Carlos' legs, his back resting against the other's chest. The smart boy was reading a book while the Latino's eyes were glued to the TV.

"Where's James?" he asked groggily, stretching out his limbs.

"Cemetery," Carlos replied shortly.

"Cemetery?" Kendall repeated to himself mostly, heart constricting painfully. It was obvious why the other boy was there and Kendall couldn't even imagine the pain James was suffering through. Just the thought of James sitting there alone, mourning, instilled in him the strongest urge to protect the other boy. He wanted to take away all his pain, make him happy all the time.

"C'mon," Logan sighed, setting his book down on the coffee table and untangling himself from his boyfriend. "We'll drive you." Typically Logan didn't approve of Kendall's relationship with James but he wanted his friend to be happy and he knew, no matter how little he wanted to believe it, that the _only _thing that could cheer James up right now was Kendall.

* * *

_He had his mom to thank really for his desire to be famous. James was a total mamma's boy and he wanted to be just like her, pretty and talented. Five year old James was tucked against his mom's side as they finished reading his bedtime story. _

"_I wanna be famous!" he declared randomly. This wasn't anything new; he said this at least three times a day._

"_I was going to be famous once," his mom told him, brushing his unruly hair back. _

"_Why didn't you?" little James questioned, confused at this statement, as if it was completely absurd that she'd give up such an opportunity. _

"_I had a better offer," she insisted, smiling down at her gorgeous son. _

"_What could be better than being famous?" James still seemed confused. _

"_Being your mom."_

_

* * *

_

_These kinds of days were his favorite: when his mom would pick him up from school and they would go to the mall. They spent hours shopping around, blowing off the day's stress and talking non-stop. After a hard five hour shopping spree, the two treated themselves to smoothies. They sat at one of the tables in the middle of the food court with their beverages. This was something they always did and James loved it. High school sucked and it was nice to unwind with, who he considered to be, one of his best friends. _

"_Oh, how about him?" his mom questioned, subtly gesturing towards a dark haired boy about his age that walked back. _

_James turned his head and stole a glance of said boy. His face scrunched up in disinterest. "He's okay," he said with a shrug. "Kinda looks like a douche though." _

"_You're right," his mom agreed with a nod, taking a sip of her drink. _

"_Mom, do you even know what douche means?" he asked, chuckling. _

"_Doesn't douche mean really cool?"_

_James sighed, a smile tugging at his lips. "No Mom, that's dope."_

"_Okay," his mom said, shifting in her seat, focused on her son. "So let me get this straight. Douche doesn't mean cool. Dope does?"_

"_Yeah," James nodded, "Like, 'wow that guy looks like a douche.' Or 'It's really dope hanging out with you Mom'."_

"_It's dope hanging out with you too sweetie."_

_

* * *

_

These memories only made hims cry harder, completely breaking down, his body shaking with violent sobs. He drew his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them tightly. His eyes were glued to that headstone, reading the words over and over again. Beloved wife, mother, friend. _Mother._ This simple phrase seemed to reiterate the whole tragic reality; his mom was gone. He lost his mom and after three years he still didn't know what to do; his life had been so abruptly interrupted that he was _still _piecing it back together.

He buried his face in his hands, ignoring the tears soaking his skin. He was completely shut off from the rest of the world and, for a split second, didn't register the strong arm wrapping around his shoulder. Looking up with tear filled brown eyes, he saw Kendall sitting beside him, offering a sympathetic gaze. His aching heart skipped a beat when he noticed the red roses Kendall placed on his mom's grave. He rested against Kendall's side, lying his head on his shoulder as he couldn't stop more tears from falling. Kendall rubbed his hand soothingly over James' arm.

"Is this why you...?" he trailed off, gesturing towards James' wrists, recalling the numerous scars marring his perfect skin.

James nodded slowly. "I just couldn't stand the idea of her being gone. It was too much for me to handle and it caught up with me in the worst way. When Logan and Carlos found me that day..." the brunette averted his eyes from Kendall, furiously wiping the tears from his face. His throat tightened as he struggled not to choke on these words. It was almost impossible for him to talk about this without expressing such sorrow. "I never intended to actually kill myself. I just..I wanted the pain to go away."

Kendall leaned over, kissing the other's temple, wishing he knew what to say to make this better. He just wanted to make this better. He just wanted to make James happy; he wished he knew how to replace James' tear-stained cheeks with his happy radiant smile. He would give anything to see that smile on James' face in that moment.

His mom had lost her mom at a fairly young age and she always said the greatest way to keep them in your life and heart was to remember them and cherish all the memories.

"Tell me about her," Kendall pressed gently, thumbing away his tears.

Logan watched the scene from a distance, observing the two. It wasn't his favorite idea in the world but the way Kendall held James, comforted him was slowly changing his mind. Maybe Kendall _was _exactly what James needed in his life. He looked over at his boyfriend curiously.

"Carlos," he said, biting his lip. "Do you think Kendall really cares about James?"

Carlos nodded without a second's hesitation.

"How do you know?" Logan asked, baffled at how Carlos could know something so instantaneously, without even thinking. He spent _days_ analyzing sometimes and he _still_ didn't have all the answers.

"Because he looks at James the same way I look at you," he answered sweetly, caressing Logan's cheek and pecking a kiss to his lips. "And I love you with all my heart."

"And then we spent all day eating junk food and watching movies," James finished his third fond story of his mom with a soft smile. He was still resting against Kendall, his eyes shut as he continued resting his head on Kendall's shoulder.

"Sounds like she was an amazing woman," Kendall commented softly, looking down at the other boy, brushing a few strands of hair from James' face. "You take after her a lot. Beautiful, talented, caring."

James nodded in agreement and let out a shaky sigh. "It just hurts," he mumbled sadly. "Knowing she'll never get to meet you. She'll never be able to see how happy you make me and I know she would love you forever for that."

"You know," Kendall spoke gently, once again wiping away the few fallen tears. "My mom always says my grandma's watching over us. I bet your mom is too."

James smiled up at Kendall, deep appreciation shining in his teary brown eyes. "Thank you," he whispered, cupping Kendall's cheek and kissing the other one. "I really needed to hear that."

"Rest easy Mrs. Diamond, I'll take excellent care of your son."

James bit his lip to prevent anymore tears but also to keep from expressing just how much these simple words meant to him and how much he loved Kendall from knowing just what to say to take his pain away.

* * *

After leaving the cemetery an hour later, the four of them went to grab some lunch. They decided on a small diner following much debate between James and Logan who had conflicting tastes. Kendall and Carlos didn't care much; they just wanted their respective loves to be happy. They settled into the booth and ordered lunch, chatting casually about nothing in particular.

James was pleasantly surprised by how easily they were all getting along; Carlos and Kendall never had trouble getting along; Logan was the one he had to worry about. The smart boy never seemed to care much for the boy he loved; they just didn't mix well. But now, everyone was conversing easily, no hate or resentment at all. James was nothing short of amazed by this. Shortly after they ordered, Kendall excused himself to the bathroom.

Once he was sure Kendall was out of earshot, he leaned over the table, excitedly telling his two friends of recent events. "Kendall asked me to the dance next month."

"Have you thought this through James?" Logan questioning in his usual, overbearing concern.

"I don't have to," James replied simply, "I _know _how I feel."

"We just want what's best for you man," he insisted.

"You guys don't know how hard it is to be alone," James sneered, teeth clenching in anger. "And I'm sick of it. So who are you to know what's 'best for me' when all you two care about is each other?"

"James!" Carlos protested as the tall brunette slid out of the booth angrily.

"I found someone I care about," he spoke with strained calmness. "You're just going to have to deal with it."

* * *

Kendall couldn't believe how well the day was going, mostly just how civil Logan was being. He exited the bathroom with a smile, at least until he saw James walking out of the diner in a huff. Ignoring the other two, he followed the other boy out. Kendall watched as James paced around, his hands on his lip, face contorted in rage. He approached the distraught teen, hands reaching up to instantly cup his cheeks. "Hey," he said softly, tilting James' face towards him, focusing his attention directly on him. "It's okay. What's going on?"

James sighed, instantly calmed by the gentle concern in Kendall's stunning emerald eyes. It was nothing like Logan's brass, paranoid concern; it was sweet and genuine. His erratic breathing slowed at Kendall's soft caring touch.

"Logan," he said as if that one word was plenty explanation.

For Kendall, it was. He knew how much the smart boy hated him and he knew this nice act they'd been playing all day wouldn't last long.

"I'm so sick of him thinking he knows what's best for me," James gestured down towards his wrists, shaking his head. "Ever since he found me that night, he thinks he can dictate my life, that he knows what's better for me more than I do."

"Maybe he just doesn't want to see you get hurt again," Kendall suggested, brushing back James' hair and thinking how much he could relate to his previous statement.

"That's never gonna happen though," James whispered, teeth tugging at his bottom lip. "You wouldn't hurt me." This wasn't a question; it was a statement.

"Never," Kendall mumbled fondly, lips brushing against James' as he spoke. He never gave the other a chance to reply before capturing his lips in a slow, sweet kiss. James' hands flew down to Kendall's sides to grasp the soft fabric of his t-shirt as he gave himself and everything he had to Kendall. He held onto Kendall tightly, never _ever _wanting to let go. James pulled away resting his forehead against Kendall's.

"I just wish Logan could see how amazing you are," James muttered, "If he could see you like I do."

"Then you'd have some serious competition," Kendall teased with a wide, goofy grin.

James feigned a shocked gasp and playfully smacked Kendall's arm, laughing at the thoroughly offended expression on Kendall's face. It softened as he caress James' cheek.

"There's no one in the world I would ever care for more than you," Kendall confessed, the utmost sincerity shining his eyes.

"There's no one in the world cheesier than you," James countered with a silly grin.

"You love it."

"I do."

* * *

"What am I even supposed to wear to this stupid dance?" Kendall exclaimed in his signature freak out voice. He was standing in front of his closet, thoroughly confused.

There were a lot of things he never had a chance to experience considering his unconventional imprisonment during the duration of what should've been his first three years of high school. He never got a chance to experience his first supposedly terrifying day as a lowly freshman or go to his first high school dance. But the latter was less than two weeks away and Kendall was beginning to freak out.

He was stoked after he initially invited James to go with him but he was now realizing that he knew absolutely _nothing _about school dances. What were you supposed to wear? How were you supposed to dance? These questions unleashed a whole new string of panic and Kendall couldn't calm his frenzied nerves. Luckily, Katie was there to help him, sitting cross-legged on his bed, tween pop magazine in her lap. Kendall wasn't sure if he should find that comforting or disturbing. He turned back to her, seeking an answer to his question.

"I don't think there's a specified dress code," she offered, looking up from her article about Dak Zevon's dream date. "Just don't dress like a nerd."

"Thanks Katie!" he said sarcastically.

"Listen big bro," she sighed, setting her magazine to the side. "It's obvious that James likes you _a lot. _I don't think you need to worry about impressing him anymore."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, and if you don't then you're a huge idiot," Katie replied, grabbing her magazine and leaving Kendall alone with his thoughts.

* * *

He'd been to plenty of dances in his time; he had the routine down by now. but unfortunately this was not like all the other dances he'd been to. This one actually mattered; he had a date to accompany him, who just happened to be the boy who he was irrevocably in love with. It read across like a dream come true but this simple fact incited a deep panic within him. James was so immersed in his closet that he didn't even notice the second presence in his room until they actually spoke up.

"Kendall already likes you, James. I don't think it really matters what you wear."

James whipped his head back to see Carlos standing in the door way, quite sharply dressed himself. "What about you huh?" James questioned, gesturing towards the black slacks, navy collared button up shirt and black tie the other wore.

"Logie's mom, the principal, is chaperoning," Carlos said, "And I want her to think I have it all together."

"Okay, whatever," James chuckled, turning back to his closet, still desperate to find something decent to wear to the dance that could possibly change his life. It was quite a stretch but if this dance developed his and Kendall's relationship then his whole world would change. He wanted to look back to this night and remember how great it was. He wanted to look good for this memorable night, for Kendall Knight.

* * *

Kendall found it ridiculous that he had butterflies in his stomach as James' car pulled outside his house. He shrugged on his jacket, slipping his wallet in the pocket. After announcing his departure, he jogged out to the car, sliding into the passenger seat. His heart fluttered the second he laid eyes on the other boy. James looked absolutely stunning, clad in a pair of dark washed skinny jeans, a dark red button up shirt (the first two unbuttoned) and a pair of black and white converse.

"You look amazing," he whispered, resisting the overwhelming urge to touch the other boy, in any way, shape, or form. He'd noticed Logan's unwavering gaze on him since the second he got in the car. He ignored that though, only having eyes for James.

"Thanks," James murmured demurely as he pulled away from the curb. The two kept up casual conversation since the two lovebirds in the back were too busy making googly eyes at each other. Kendall smiled conspiratorially, slipping his hand under James' idle one, heart practically soaring when the brunette laced their fingers together securely.

Luckily Logan was too focused on Carlos to notice or care. They pulled into the school parking lot ten minutes later, taking the first open spot available. Carlos was the first out of the car, running around to the other side to open the door for his boyfriend. The other two exchanged glances and simultaneously rolled their eyes, getting out of the car and following the couple into the school.

James loved how carefree his two friends were; their fingers were laced together proudly, apathetic to any hurtful stares. They marched right into the gym. His focused shifted to the blond, who seemed mesmerized by the bright, flashy lights and the blaring, pulsating music. It seemed like Kendall had never been to a dance before; James would've thought this scene was popular in LA. Regardless, Kendall's excitement was really sweet.

_This _is what dances were like? Kendall looked around the decorated gym in a mix of fascination and awe. All the lights, the music blasting from the speakers, everyone dancing and grinding. It was all brand new to him but exciting nevertheless. This excitement diminished significantly as he noticed a pair of jocks glaring at Carlos and Logan for a particularly long time. A horrible sense of dread washed over him as they came walking over to them.

"Hey, looks like the faggots have arrived," one said, snickering to the other.

"Buzz off Drew," he heard Carlos shout over the music.

"Why? You gonna cry you fucking fairy?" the other one questioned, stepping forward to shove the Latino boy.

And that's where James stepped in; not because Carlos couldn't fight his own battles but because he was more than able to do so. James knew Carlos would immediately turn to violence to solve this problem and throw the first punch. Wanting the night to be an enjoyable and _not _wanting his friend to get in trouble (especially with his boyfriend's mom there), James stepped between the two, gently pushing his shorter friend back.

"Seriously guys, leave them alone," he demanded firmly.

The taller of the two bullies, who stood about 3 inches taller than James, chuckled, stepping forward to violently shove the pretty boy back. "What, you fucking queer too Diamond?"

That was the moment that sent Kendall over the edge; he was _not _about to stand back and let this jerk harass James, _his _James.

"Are _you_?" James asked with a smirk.

At this simple comment, the jock's face contorted with rage and he pulled a closed fist back. Before he had the chance to swing it forward and inflict _any _harm, Kendall lunged forward, beating the other guy to the punch (quite literally). The impact of the hit sent the guy stumbling back, eyes darkened with anger. It was a scary emotion to witness on Kendall's face; James was used to the blonde's sweet, caring side. His tender kisses, his gentle touch. The pure rage flashing across his face seemed out of place; it was a little unnerving.

The blond didn't even have time, though, to react to James' horrified expression as the guy's buddy took his momentary distraction as an opportunity, swinging his fist forward and hitting him with such a force that would definitely result in a black eye. By now, their little scuffle had attracted some attention, fellow classmates watching in interest.

Kendall fully intended to land another hit but just then, the principal was rushing over, stepping between the fighting parties. There was a mix of concern, anger and disappointment etched on her face. Carlos looked absolutely horrified to have been caught by his boyfriend's mom in the middle of a fight.

"Okay!" she yelled, "Who started this?"

The two bullies, who did initially start the fight, simultaneously pointed to the blond, whose jaw dropped in outrage. Another wave of anger coursed through him at this false accusation. James seemed to wear the same expression, one of disbelief and shock.

"Violence will _not _be tolerated in my school. I think it'd be best if you left, Mr. Knight and I'll deal with this on Monday."

Kendall was practically snarling as he stormed out of the dance, chest heaving in pure fury. He could barely process what had just happened. His head pounded as he paced around outside, kicking around the light layer of snow on the ground. All the violence and the judgment that had taken place just then, brought it all back to him. Everything about that night came rushing over him.

* * *

_Knife in hand, he slowly made his way back upstairs. He couldn't still the violent trembles in his hands and his stomach lurched uneasily as he climbed each stair, taking care to do so as quietly as possible. He crept down the hall, adrenaline running through his system. The image still burned deep in his mind, the look of fear in his mom's eyes, her soft whimper, her plead to let her go. _

_He pushed the door open, tiptoeing across the room, the knife held securely at his side. He approached the other man, finding his whole body was shaking as he did so. "Dad," he whispered, drawing the older man's attention towards him. He instantly regretted doing so as his father stalked towards him, a knife of his own in his grip._

_

* * *

_

This horrific image was broken as a gentle hand reached out to touch his shoulder. He came back to reality to find James, standing in front of him, staring him down questioningly. James face was expressing a myriad of different emotions; some of which Kendall couldn't place and that scared him a little. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed his heaving chest to still.

James took Kendall's face in his hands, much like Kendall had earlier and focused all his attention on him. "Kendall," James said firmly, effectively bringing the other out of his head. "What the hell was that? What's wrong?"

Kendall's hands still shook a bit as he looked up to meet James' concerned gaze. His heart sped up slightly as he began to explain. "Back in LA, I got in some trouble..." A deep nervousness settled in his stomach. Was he really about to divulge to James every dark secret of his past? "It was justified but I was torn apart for it. Everyone hated me, everyone turned against me. Everyone judged me and fucking stared at me like I was a monster...I just..." His breath hitched nervously. "In there, the violence, the way everyone was staring at me...fuck," he muttered, running a shaking hand through his hair. "It just...brought it all back."

James' hands moved down to rest on the sides of Kendall's neck, keeping his head focused on him. "That doesn't matter," the brunette whispered gently, resting his forehead against Kendall's. He could feel the other's erratic breath against his lips. "Whatever happened in LA, that's the past. It doesn't matter anymore. It's doesn't change who you are. The incredibly sweet boy I know."

His head dipped down for a second as the last statement brought a small to his lips. He looked back up and his eyes locked with the brunette's briefly before he leaned in, pressing his lips to James'. This simple action instantly calmed the blond, letting James fill his senses and wash away all his worry and insecurities. His arms fell down, wrapping tightly around James' waist, pulling the brunette closer.

They remained like that for some time, neither boy being able to judge that time. Every time they kissed or embraced, every minute felt like barely a moment. And every kiss or embrace was a moment neither boy ever wanted to end.

James pulled away, sighing happily. His arms were wrapped around Kendall's neck and Kendall's arms were around his waist. "You know, if we only had some music, we could dance," James observed, seemingly innocently noting their position. "We _are _in the perfect position..."

Kendall just chuckled and shook his head at James' not so subtle observation. They were indeed in the perfect position. They were certainly close enough; their bodies practically pressed flush against one another. Unable to resist his urge to do everything in his power to make James smile, Kendall began singing softly as he swayed them around, creating the picture perfect moment while the snow cascaded down around them.

_What if I stay forever? _  
_What if there's no goodbye? _  
_Frozen for a moment here in time, _  
_If you tell me the sky is falling, _  
_Or say that the stars collide, _  
_The only thing that matters in my life, _  
_Is you and I tonight _

The widest grin spread over James' face as he rested his head on Kendall's shoulder, enjoying the gentle sway of their bodies. Despite its rocky start, James couldn't have imagine a more perfect evening. The way Kendall sang quietly in his ear sent a shiver down his back that was _not _caused by the snow.

_This love is all we need _  
_We fit together perfectly, _  
_I fall, you and I collide_

_

* * *

_

After watching his boyfriend apologize to his mom frantically for a good twenty minutes, Logan finally managed to drag the other boy out of the dance, intent on finding the other two boys and making sure James was okay. What happened earlier, the blatant violent rage Kendall displayed was worrying and the fact that James walked off with him was even worse. His heart rate increased a little nervously as he stepped outside the school, immediately finding the other two.

The sight in front of him was one that initially worried him but after observing them for a few minutes he found that wasn't the case. The other two boys were dancing around in the snow. But it was much deeper than that. The way that Kendall was holding the other boy, his arms wrapped securely around his waist, holding him closely took away the shock he felt at first. But perhaps the most important part of this moment was seeing the look of pure happiness on his best friend's face. There wasn't a single ounce of sorrow on his face and that meant the world to Logan, seeing his best friend as happy as he had been in years.

James' head was thrown back and he was laughing joyously as Kendall spun them around. His friend tilted his head back up, just in time for Kendall to capture his lips in a tender kiss, an action that, five minutes ago (before he saw the shining, sincere adoration in Kendall's eyes) would've given the smart boy a heart attack. But all he got from that moment was an epiphany. Despite his preconceived notions of the blond, he decided that if Kendall made his friend as happy as he was now all the time, then he would gladly set aside his initial hatred towards the boy, for James' sake.

* * *

It was late by the time they finally got home that night; James had insisted that it was late and Kendall should probably just stay the night at his house. Kendall wasn't about to argue. The brunette had immediately loud them into the kitchen, intent on grabbing some ice for his forming black eye. He sat Kendall down on the couch in the living room before running into the kitchen and wrapping an icepack in a towel. He returned to the living room, standing in front of the other boy, who looked up at him curiously. James gently pressed the icepack to Kendall's eye, muttering a soft apology at the hiss Kendall let out at the cold contact against his bruising skin.

"This is gonna form a nasty bruise by morning," he muttered, more of a comment to himself. He caressed the other boy's cheek as Kendall looked up at him. "This just doesn't seem like you..."

That statement sent something off in Kendall. James didn't know; he had no clue what horrible things he had done in his past. James didn't know that he had committed murder, that he had spent three years in prison for said crime. James didn't know anything about him. If he did know, he wouldn't be standing there, touching him with the utmost affection. If he only knew...

_He stood there, petrified as his father came towards him, knife at his side. At this point, he just wanted to run away but it was too late for that now. With a shaky hand, he raised the knife up, holding it in front of him defensively. _

"_Just get out of here Dad," he muttered, voice trembling as bad as his whole body. He could tell that his father was obviously drunk and he knew from experience how dangerous that could be. He just wanted to get the man away from his mom but he had no clue what he was supposed to do now. The man stumbled towards him, waving around the sharp knife in his grip. _

"_I'll kill you you little prick," his dad yelled but didn't have a chance to do or say anything else as Kendall impulsively stepped forward, instinctively plunging the knife into his father's stomach. His eyes widened in horror at the realization of what he had just done. He could feel a warm liquid cascaded down his hand, which still held the hilt of the knife that was buried in his dad. He couldn't believe what he had just done..._

"You don't fucking know me James!" Kendall snapped, swatting the other's arm away as he stood up from the couch.

He hadn't meant to yell at James but the brunette just didn't understand what he was talking about. There was so much about him that James just didn't know and true, that was his fault, but he couldn't stand to hear James talk about how well he knew him, when he didn't know him at all.

What really surprised Kendall was that James didn't even flinch. Instead, he cupped his cheeks, speaking calmly to him. "You're Kendall Knight. You are cute, sweet, caring. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And there is nowhere in the world that I feel safer than in your arms. And every time we kiss, I see stars and my heart skips a beat when you look at me..."

Kendall had heard enough; he didn't need to hear anymore about how James felt about him. With a passion he'd never expressed before, Kendall smashed their lips together, frantically pulling the other boy flush against him. He couldn't explain it but James' words, their mutual feelings of affection made his heart soar in a way that he thought he would never come back down. He wanted more, needed more, of James, of his sweet scent, the way James kissed back so sweetly.

"Bedroom?" he whispered hotly against James' lips as he pulled back only long enough to make this proposal.

James nodded breathlessly, forcefully drawing Kendall's face forward to reengage them in a heated, desperate kiss. They stood there, making out in James' living room, hands roaming eagerly over each other's bodies. James was first to pull away but only to grab Kendall's hand and lead them to his bedroom. The second they stepped into the room, James turned back around, locking his arms around Kendall's neck. Kendall's hands were resting on his hips, right above the waistline of his jeans. James felt a sudden shiver run down his spine as he felt Kendall's lips against his skin, placing hot kisses along his jaw.

"_Kendall_," he whispered, threading his fingers through Kendall's hair, using this grip to pull his head back and crush their lips together. James eagerly parted his lips as he felt Kendall's tongue prodding against them. He let Kendall control the kiss, exploring his mouth, memorizing every inch. His hands shook with excitement as he reached up to slowly unbutton his shirt. He smiled at how Kendall impatiently shoved it off his shoulders. A deep blush crept onto his face as Kendall's eyes scanned over his body, admiring the newly exposed flesh.

Kendall didn't even know what to say. The sight of James' body left him absolutely speechless. "Fuck," was the most eloquent thing his incoherent mind could form.

"Wanna?" James purred seductively, his own hands reaching down to toy with his belt suggestively.

"Wanna what?" Kendall asked, a dumbfounded expression on his face.

James smiled demurely at the other boy as he undid his belt, popping the button to his jeans. He kept his eyes locked with Kendall's as he slid the zipper down, hooking his thumbs in the waistline and slowly tugging his jeans down. He let them fall to the floor and kicked them away, before slowly backing over to the bed, sinking down on it with an inviting gaze.

He beckoned the other boy other with a crooked finger. "Does this answer your question?" he whispered softly, teeth tugging at his bottom lip in the sexiest innocent way. Kendall had to harness all his self control to keep his jaw from dropping. He frantically shrugged off his jacket, practically ripping his shirt over his head. Nearly tripping over his jeans as he shoved them down, Kendall made his way over to James' bed, crawling onto it with a wide grin. Kendall hovered over the brunette, slowly kissing his way from the waistband of James' boxer-briefs up to his lips, being sure to take his sweet time. He wanted his lips to touch every inch of James' soft, warm skin; he wanted to memorize every last inch of James' body.

He was somewhere around James' navel, after spending an ample amount of time covering James' neck with dark hickeys, when he heard the sweet brunette let out a quiet whine. He glanced up, piercing green eyes taking in James' expression of pleasure. A fond smile tugged at his lips as he quickly traveled his kisses back up to James' lips once again. He snuck a hand between their bodies as they kissed deeply, passionately. He revealed in the beautiful moan James let out as he cupped him through his underwear.

With a huge smile, he slid down James' body, fingers hooking in the waistband of James' boxers and tugging them down his long, lean legs. Kendall leaned over and placed a few sweet kisses along James' calf as he carelessly threw James' boxers behind him.

James blushed the deepest shade of red as he laid completely exposed beneath Kendall. It was a terrifying feeling being so open and vulnerable with someone else but James had never felt safer in his life.

Kendall wrapped his hand around the other boy, discovering just how hard he was. His own erection twitched at the sweet sounds of pleasure James was emitting. Turns out his voice wasn't just for singing.

"Kendall, please," James begged softly, gentle brown eyes seeking out sweet emerald ones. Kendall, knowing exactly what James wanted without him verbalizing this desire, tugged his own boxers down, somehow managing to kick them off. Breathlessly, he smiled down at the other boy. He looked absolutely stunning, beautiful lying beneath him, completely exposed. Kendall couldn't express what it did to him that James was so comfortable with him to be completely vulnerable to him.

After one last sweet kiss of reassurance, passion, _love, _Kendall spit in his hand, coating his hard length with the moisture. He settled James' legs on his hips, positioning himself at James' entrance. Glancing up at James one last time, he locked eyes with the cute brunette, seeking permission one last time. With a shy nod, James granted him that permission, his heart racing with a mixture of anticipation and excitement.

Kendall smiled, placing his hands on either side of James' head, shifting his hips forward and slowly pressing into the other boy. James' eyes slipped shut as he hissed softly at the initial discomfort. As Kendall completely sank into the other boy, this discomfort only intensified. But somehow, when the blond engaged him in a slow, sensual kiss, the pain slowly faded into the background. All he could focus on was Kendall's lips against his, his soft touch as the blond rubbed slow circles on his hips.

James experimentally wiggled his hips, letting out a low moan at the sensation. Apparently it felt just as amazing for Kendall because he was groaning as well, taking his hint to start moving. Kendall slowly drew his hips back before rolling them forward once more. Both boys moaned simultaneously; it was the most unbelievable feeling on both parts.

"_Faster_." James' dull fingernails dug into his shoulder as he quietly begged Kendall. The blond, completely unable to refuse _any_thing James asked, obliged, snapping his hips forward, steadily thrusting into the other boy. It wasn't even about the sexual pleasure anymore. Well it was, but it was more than that. It was the added pleasure of experiencing it with James, getting him to feel the same pleasure he did. It was doing it together, bodies moving as one that made it all the more special. And if James' moans were any indication, he could easily guess that the brunette felt exactly the same.

He bent down, capturing James' lips in a sloppy, desperate kiss as he continued thrusting into the other boy, groaning with each movement. James threaded his fingers through Kendall's hair, keeping their lips tangled in that kiss as he felt his release approaching.

"_Kendall_-"

"I got ya babe," Kendall murmured against his lips, shifting their angle ever so slightly that it caused the greatest wave of pleasure to crash over them. James shrieked in pleasure as Kendall hit his special spot, dead on with each hard thrust.

Their releases were practically simultaneous, both boys crying out in the peak of euphoria, lips crushed together, muffling their loud expressions of pleasure. The room silenced as both boys came down from their highs, neither of them moving at first. James' fingers played with the sparse hair on the back of Kendall's neck as the blond placed light, sweet kisses all along his jaw. After a few moments of pure bliss passed, Kendall collapsed beside the beautiful brunette, smiling as he noticed the boy also trying to calm his heaving chest. There were no words for the feelings floating around.

Kendall wrapped an arm around James' shoulders, pulling the brunette against his side. James sighed happily, accepting this position whole-heartedly. Kendall reached down, pulling the covers over there naked bodies and leaning over to kiss James' forehead. There was no words, Kendall found, to describe that moment.

James was convinced that he was in heaven. Lying beside Kendall, in his bed, having just made love. It was so amazing; he swore he would never come down from the incredible high. He wasn't sure he _wanted _to come down. Given the recent activity and the late hour, James felt his eyelids drooping slightly. But before he fell asleep, there was something he felt he needed to say...

"I love you Kendall."

James fell asleep right after that, eyes slipping shut with a sleepy smile on his face. Kendall completely froze. Had he really heard that right? Did James say what he thought he did? Kendall was scared and vulnerable, completely unsure what he was supposed to do know. So Kendall Knight did what he did best and ran away.

* * *

James awoke that next morning, praying that the images in his head weren't some cruel dream taunting him. The faint ache in his backside told him that it surely wasn't a dream. Expecting to feel Kendall's strong arms wrapped around him, James felt a deep ache in the pit of his stomach when he discovered that Kendall wasn't there. After searching his house and finding that Kendall was nowhere to be found, his feeling of absolute bliss the previous night was completely shattered when he realized the blond had left, just left him alone without any warning. He sank down on the couch, drawing his knees to his chest, thinking that maybe he didn't know Kendall nearly as well as he thought.


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: Okay, so this isn't my favorite chapter, it's a bit of a filler. Basically just certain things that had to happen. I did some thinking about this and reworked the storyline a bit so it'll now be 15 chapters instead of 13. This is the shortest chapter i've ever written but the last one was really super long so it balances out. The next two chapters will deal with more of this aftermath and deal with it more in detail. Let me know what you guys think.**

* * *

_I love you._

Those three words, those damn three words played on a loop in his mind, repeating over and over and over again. He couldn't stand it; these three words were taunting him, mocking his decision. What had he _done_? James told him he _loved _him and all he did was run away. _What _was the _hell _was wrong with him?

Even he thought he was stupid, he couldn't imagine what James thought of him, how he _felt. _The deepest sense of guilt nagged at him and he couldn't help but _hate _himself. Why? Why couldn't he have just stayed, confessed his obvious love and woke up content in the other's arms?

It was too easy to say he was scared of being so open and vulnerable with someone. It wasn't fear; it was realism because Kendall knew those same three words wouldn't ring true the second James knew everything, the whole story, who he _really _was. He wasn't as perfect as James thought and he couldn't live up to his expectations. It was better to just cut if off now before things got too serious. The only problem was that it already had. He was madly in love with James; there was no denying that. Kendall knew this but he _still _let his past get in the way.

Honesty was vital when it came to love and relationships and he threw that out the window from the get-go. It was the hardest decision he'd ever made in his life, leaving James' house in the middle of the night. The thought of deserting James, waking up all alone and wondering what happened tore him up inside.

_3 new texts from James_

He reluctantly pressed ignore. Someone like _him _didn't deserve someone like _James. _It would be hard but James would move on eventually and would find someone better, someone with the honesty he didn't have the courage to possess. It hurt like hell to think about but he knew James was better off without him in his life.

* * *

James liked to see the best in people; he always gave them the benefit of the doubt and this was no exception. He'd been absolutely devastated that next morning when he realized Kendall was gone. But, after he moped around for a bit, he reasoned that the blond probably had a good explanation for his sudden departure. Maybe he had a family emergency or maybe he got called into work. So, remaining as calm as possible, he decided he would just text Kendall and ask him what happened.

It was only when Kendall didn't answer did he start to worry. All his previous, initial emotions came rushing back and he bit his lip to prevent the tears from welling up in his eyes. Why did Kendall leave? Why did Kendall leave _and _ignore his texts? What did he do wrong? Did Kendall not enjoy what they had last night?

James shook his head; he'd always been great at reading people and he knew, he _could tell _how Kendall felt about him. Even if he hadn't said it aloud. So what James couldn't figure out was what the hell was wrong with the other boy?

James took Kendall's ignoring all his texts to mean that the other boy didn't need a ride to school that next morning. There was a deep ache in James' heart as he glanced over at the empty passenger seat, thinking how wrong it felt not to have Kendall riding shot gun, singing along to the radio with him. It was back to just him and the lovebirds in his backseat again.

He sighed as he pulled up to Carlos' house, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as he waited for the two to come out. They did, a few minutes later, Carlos' lips curved into a smirk at the complete dishevel of Logan's hair as the smart boy tried desperately to smooth it down. _Fantastic. _He thought, nothing like his two best friends rubbing their happiness in his face. He knew, deep down, that wasn't really their intention but he was no longer in the mood to give people the benefit of the doubt.

"Where's Kendall?"

James was surprised that Logan noticed Kendall's absence. His two friends were usually too involved in each other to notice the other boy. But _of course, _Logan would notice today.

"Not here," James replied shortly.

Just then, Logan got the worst feeling in his gut, one of worry and apprehension. _No. _It couldn't be. He could only hope that his assumption was wrong. Logan swore he would do unspeakable things to that blond jerk if it was true that he'd hurt James.

"Are we picking him up on the way?" he asked, hopeful that the answer was "yes", that everything was fine and Kendall _didn't _hurt his best friend like he assumed from the beginning.

"No," James whispered through clenched teeth, shaking his head.

"I thought he would've been with you this morning," Carlos chimed in.

"Yeah, me too," James muttered bitterly, keeping his eyes focused on the road, completely ignoring Logan's unwavering gaze in his rear view mirror.

"James, tell me you didn't..." Logan begged softly, his heart constricted painfully at the pain his friend was experiencing, the pain he saw coming. It tore him up inside that James completely gave himself to a boy who, _he knew_, ended up hurting him. James replied with the worst possible answer. _Silence. _"Oh no, James."

"Well don't worry because he left me," the brunette snapped, voice shaking with obvious, hurt devastation. "So you were right, Logan. As always." Logan didn't respond, mostly because he didn't know what to say. He just really wished, for the first time in his life, that he had been wrong.

* * *

Kendall skipped school that next day. Admittedly it was a tad dramatic but he just couldn't deal with this right now. He couldn't see James without feeling that familiar pang in his heart and not without realizing what a colossal dumbass he'd been. He'd fed his mom some bullshit about feeling a little under the weather and she'd let him stay home.

Part of him deeply regretted this decision; true, he would've had to face James, his horrible decision the previous night and subsequently his past but at least he wouldn't have had so much time to _think. _He hadn't even put any effort to it; his mind just _wondered. _once it started, he couldn't stop it and not once did it stray from thoughts of James. Every thought of the brunette (hundreds entering his mind already) was slowly making him change his mind.

It was selfish but he didn't care if James was better off without him, he couldn't live without the other boy. His sweet smiled, his captivating voice, the way just one look drove him so absolutely crazy that he _knew _he was in love. He wondered if it was too late to get all that back or if he'd already shut that door for good.

* * *

James wasn't sure why it hurt this bad; he certainly wasn't surprised. He just never thought Kendall would go this far to avoid him. Then again, just yesterday, he never would've suspected Kendall would do such a thing. Even just hearing his name made his heart constrict with pain. He _loved _Kendall, completely forfeited his heart to him and this pain was the only thing left.

Even despite this, he wanted nothing more than to be in Kendall's arms again. It was scary to think that he would run right back to the other boy if he asked. He was willing to offer Kendall his heart all over again, even if he'd crushed it last time. James supposed that's what love was: a series of self-sacrifice and heartbreak that, if one was lucky, would eventually give way to a happy ending. It didn't look like he was going to get that happy ending though. Like everything else in his life, it was bound to end in lonely tragedy.

* * *

Kendall thought that maybe he was just crazy because after all, who in their right mind would give up something as wonderful as what he had with James. He found it absurd that after less than a day, he was missing James so desperately. He _needed _James, needed to touch him, kiss him, hold him. He needed him in such a desperate way that it completely terrified him but he knew there was no more running away. It was time to face it, the truth, the _whole _truth, _every_thing.

Message sent to James:  
_come over. i really need to talk to you_

James wasn't sure if he was thrilled or devastated by Kendall's absence from school that next day. Thrilled because he couldn't stand to see the blond but devastated because he _needed _to see the other boy. He couldn't put his finger on what it was but there was a void in his chest that left him empty and aching, leaving only one thing to make it all better. _Kendall. _And yet he was the one who caused all this. Made him fall in love, then broke his heart. All these thoughts pestered him all day, butchering any remaining concentration he had.

He was equally shocked and excited when he got a text from Kendall that afternoon. His heart thudded nervously in his chest as he opened it, part of him dreading what it had to say, the other part desperate to know. Being rejected once was enough; he didn't need a text message to reiterate his heartbreak.

Message sent to Kendall:  
_So now you want to talk? After leaving me then ignoring me all day..._

Finding it useless to sit in school without paying any attention when his mind was _clearly _elsewhere, James left before lunch, only one destination in mind. He was going to go talk to Kendall, give him a piece of his mind, if he could ever get over the fact that he seemed to melt every time Kendall looked at him with those sweet, emerald eyes. That made things a little more complicated.

Kendall was about to send James a rather pathetic text begging the other boy to see him, that he absolutely _had _to see him when he heard two firm knocks on his front door. He flew off the couch and swung the door open, breath catching in his throat at the distraught teen standing on his porch. He just wished he could take James into his arms that very second and take away all his hurt, all the pain _he_ caused.

"Why did you leave?" James whispered, barely audible to the other boy.

The sad, devastated tone of James' voice completely shattered his heart. The immense guilt he felt earlier only doubled, tripled, _at least. _How could he do this? His only intention was to protect James from hurt, keep him from ever feeling like this and it tore him apart inside to know that he was the one who caused this.

"James," he found his throat suddenly dry, unable to find the exact words he needed to say. There was no other time; it was now or never. And when it came to James, he preferred _now, _never wasn't an option considering how desperately he needed James in his life. "Back in LA..."

"No," the brunette muttered quietly, shaking his head. "You don't get to blame this on your past Kendall. That's not why you left. The only reason you left is because you were scared..."

That word resonated so deeply within him. _Scared. _It was just like James to be able to see right through him, know all his insecurities, see all his faults and hopefully still love him through it all. Hopefully being the keyword in this sentence.

"You're scared someone might actually love you for who you are because you and you can't fathom that because you, for some reason, despise yourself so much."

"You'd hate me to if you knew," Kendall whispered, voice trembling slightly. He averted his eyes from James', finding it impossible to keep the truth from those innocent, questioning eyes.

James' heart clenched painfully at the sight of Kendall so torn up. There was something Kendall wasn't telling him, he could tell there was something the blond was hiding. It was clearly eating him up inside. He stepped forward, placing a comforting hand on Kendall's shoulder. "I could never hate you Kendall," he said softly, sincerely.

"You don't understand," Kendall uttered, teeth clenched, shoulders hunched. He knew the words James had just said couldn't still be true after he knew everything. There was no doubt in his mind that James would certainly hate him afterwards.

"It doesn't matter," James replied just as quickly, holding the same assurance in his voice.

Kendall never thought it would be like this. He thought that when he told James about his past (_if _he ever told James), it would be further down the line and a lot more thought out. He never thought it would be so rash and impulsive, suddenly slipping from his lips before he could stop it.

"I'm a murderer, okay?" he exclaimed suddenly, spinning around to face the other boy, eyes burning with an involuntary anger that occurred whenever he brought up this dark part of his past. "Do you hate me now?"

The tense silence that filled the air following this left both boys breathless. Neither wanted to break that silence. Kendall stared at the floor, too scared to look up and see James' reaction, the shock that was clearly written on his face. There was a single, shared thought running through their heads.

_What the hell had just happened? _


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: There isn't too much to say about this chapter. Unexpectedly finished it as usual. I'm a little unsure about some of the scenes in here but I've had them planned out since the beginning so I hope they fit properly. It's another rather short chapter but I promise the next one will be longer (and better too probably). Let me know what you guys think. **

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* * *

**

It was an absolute nightmare, his worst fear. Except this wasn't a dream; it was reality. He'd actually just told James his major past secret and the brunette did just as he suspected. James had stood there for a few minutes, completely shocked. He didn't speak, didn't even move. After a few minutes of complete silence and stillness, James muttered something Kendall couldn't hear but he could only guess what it pertained to. As he watched James slam his front door, his chest tightened. He could sense a personal "I told you so" coming on. He knew this was going to happen; this was exactly why he didn't want to tell James in the first place. He wasn't sure what hurt worst; the fact that he'd let this happen or that he was going to lose James because of it.

James could practically _hear _his heart thudding violently in his chest. Ever since those words left Kendall's mouth, he couldn't still his trembling hands. The raw adrenaline was pumping through his system and it kept his mind whirling. He couldn't even wrap his head around the concept. Kendall, a murderer? He didn't want to believe it, _couldn't _believe it. Kendall Knight, the boy he'd fallen in love with. The sweet, sensitive, caring guy from LA was actually a murderer? How could that be? How was this kept a secret for so long?

If Kendall isn't who he said he was, then what did that mean for their relationship? Every time they kissed, touched, hugged...was it all a lie? No matter how many times he physically and mentally shook his head, these nagging thoughts wouldn't get out. They took turns, taunting and haunting him, driving him crazy with the vast number of questions unanswered. He wanted answers and he knew there was only one way to obtain them.

Represented by recent events, luck was definitely not on his side. His sick act was cut short as his mom discovered that he had been faking the previous day and forced him to go to school that next day. She even drove him herself. So that Tuesday morning found him sitting at school, leg shaking anxiously, possessing as much hesitance and uncertainty as ever.

He knew he'd see James today; it was inevitable and that made his heart do funny things: skip a beat with adoration, quicken with excitement and still with fear, worry, anxiety. That's what seeing James did to him every time. Every. Single. Time. Without fail, 100 percent. There was nothing that would ever change that, nothing that could stop that.

_Nothing. _Nothing could calm his racing heart every time he saw James smile, nothing could still the shake in his hands at the thought of losing James, nothing could ever stop the warmth of James' touch to his skin, the way his lips tingled in excitement after every kiss they shared. Nothing could ever stop him from _loving _James. Not even the biggest mistake of his life. If only he could make James see that.

His hands were trembling with an intensity he'd never experienced before. And he couldn't get it to stop, even if he wanted to. This was something he had to do; there was no backing down. Seizing the perfect opportunity while Carlos and Logan snuck to the bathroom (to presumably fool around), James took a deep breath and willed himself to approach the table Kendall was sitting at. There was no missing the small gleam of hope and excitement in Kendall's soft emerald eyes. He had to bite back a wistful sigh; he missed getting lost in those eyes, seeing the admiration in them. He wanted that back but there was the small part of his heart, warning him.

He sat down on the bench opposite of the other boy and placed his hands on the table, subconsciously leaning over. "I want to know everything," he insisted firmly, "I want the truth. One hundred percent, nothing less."

Kendall would be lying if he said he wasn't surprised by James' sudden inquiry of the truth. He took a deep breath, figuring the majority of the truth was already out so how much more could James hate him by just knowing the details?

"It was my dad," he murmured quietly, slowly lifting his head to meet James' questioning gaze. "I killed my dad."

Carlos' eyes went wide and his jaw nearly hit the floor. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Logan had been right all along. Every time he thought Logan was just over reacting or trying to protect James too much, he had been right. He could feel his blood boiling at the other's confession. Not only did he completely betray his friend but he was a _murderer_. He _killed _his dad. There was a certain anger that pulsed through him that he couldn't quite place. Carlos figured it was because of his own mom's death. How she was _taken _from him and this guy voluntarily killed his dad. Carlos couldn't wrap his head around such a concept.

And that's why he didn't even hesitate to march right up to that table, swinging his fist back and punching Kendall right in the jaw. Equal amounts of shock were written across the other two table occupants. Kendall stumbled back a little from the impact, bringing a hand up to his face, holding his already bruising jaw. He immediately stood up, towering over the smaller boy, pure rage flashing over his face. "What the hell is your problem?"

"My problem?" the Latino practically bellowed, displaying the same amount of anger as the other boy. "My problem? What the hell is _your _problem?"

Before Kendall could reply, Logan was running over, throwing himself between the other two boys. "_What _is going on here?"

"Ask the murderer," Carlos muttered through clenched teeth. Logan's eyes immediately focused on Kendall and he swore his heart stopped. He knew all along that something was wrong with this boy, something was off about him. He just didn't think it was this bad. How did he let this murderer into his friend's life?

Kendall wasn't sure what drove him to do this but he presumed it was the horribly judgmental way both boys were staring at him, like he was nothing but scum to them. He couldn't stand it, especially when they knew _nothing _about him.

"You have absolutely no right to judge me," Kendall insisted firmly, desperate to still the trembling in his hands. He was so fed up with people who didn't know him, _at all_, judging him so severely. He was sick of it and decided that he wasn't going to take it a second longer.

"No right?" Carlos questioned with an outraged chuckle. "I've got no right to judge you? My mom died when I was 13. She was _taken _from me and you just fucking _kill _your dad and claim I have _no right _to judge you?"

Kendall's eyes slipped shut as he shook his head in disbelief. "You wanna know something?" he asked, "The night I killed my father, right before I did it, he had a knife to my mom's throat. So don't tell me I don't have a fucking right!" With that, all his frustration and anger just boiled over the top and couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't explode at the other two boys, or worse. Turning away from the other three, he stomped off in the other direction, needing to distance himself from all the misplaced judgment.

James watched the whole scene in awe and watched, shocked, as the blond boy walked away from them. There were a million things he wanted to say but found it impossible to draw forth any of these words. The three of them remained in silence for a few minutes, each one trying to process what had just happened.

"A murderer?" Logan whispered questioningly, more to himself than directed at the other two.

James was head over heels in love with Kendall and couldn't help his inherent instinct to defend the other boy. "So what?" the brunette pressed, "Carlos spent two weeks in juvy."

"That's different and you know it James," the smart boy replied challengingly, "He was there for vandalizing and property destruction, not _murder_."

"You guys just don't know him like I do okay?" James said softly.

"Do you really think you still _know _him James?" Logan questioned quietly, looking up at his friend. "Do you really think you still know him since he kept this from you so long?"

James sighed and shook his head, storming away from his other two friends and heading in the direction that Kendall had previously went. He found Kendall sitting on the front steps of the school, head hanging between his legs. Taking the a seat beside the other boy, he bit his lip nervously, unsure what to say next.

"I spent three years dealing with my dad's shit," Kendall spoke quietly, lifting his head up to look at James, eyes filled with devastation and sorrow. "Three years, I watched him come home drunk almost every night and three years, I took all the hits so my mom and sister would never get hurt. The night I killed him, I came home and found him holding a knife to my mom's throat. I couldn't let him do that James. I went downstairs and grabbed a knife. I didn't mean to kill him. I just had to protect my mom and it was happening so fast..." the blond trailed off, throat tightening with the effort to hold back his tears.

"I just don't know how you kept this from me," James whispered, reaching over to run his thumb across Kendall's cheek, catching the few stray tears that escaped. "I don't know _why _you kept this from me."

"I fell in love with you at that movie theater," Kendall confessed softly, glancing over at the brunette. He reached up and gently brushed back his hair, almost sighing in relief at how right it felt to touch the other affectionately. He'd really missed that these past two days. "And I knew if I wanted you, I couldn't have told you. It would've sent you running and I just wanted to be around you. I wanted you to stay in my life so bad."

"That doesn't constitute completely lying to me Kendall," the brunette sighed, bringing both hands back to his side, toying with a loose thread on his jeans.

"You can't deny the fact that the second you found out I was a convict that you immediately judged me," Kendall persisted firmly.

"I didn't..."

"You're lying," the blond stated simply.

"Okay fine, maybe I did," James admitted vaguely. "But honestly, I was more shocked by the fact that you lied to me this whole time."

Kendall shot a glance over at the other boy, "I never once lied to you James," he said honestly and the sincerity could be seen shining in his emerald eyes.

"Well you didn't exactly tell me the truth," James mumbled dejectedly.

"I know," the blond whispered, eyes focused on the ground. He couldn't bear to look James in the eyes and see the devastation and hurt there. Especially knowing that he was the reason James felt this way.

"It is terrifying falling for you Kendall," James confessed vulnerably, placing two fingers under Kendall's chin and lifting his head up. His soft brown eyes met Kendall's scared green ones and James' heart almost melted at the raw emotions hiding behind the other's strong front. It was weird for James to watch Kendall's usually strong personality came crumbling down in front of him.

There was no denying the quiet bitterness in the blond's voice as he responded. "Why? Because I'm a convict...?"

"No," James shook his head softly, resisting the strong urge to reach out and touch the other boy, in any way he could; caressing his cheek, brushing back his hair. "Because I don't know if there will be anything there to break my fall."


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: There isn't too much to say about this chapter. Unexpectedly finished it as usual. I really enjoy this chapter. I've had a lot of stuff in here planned since the very beginning and they turned out even better than I imagined. Kendall with a baby is just too precious to pass up. I can't believe the next chapter is the last one (then of course a short epilogue type chapter after that). Let me know what you guys think of the chapter :)**

* * *

Kendall wasn't sure exactly what led him there, watching intently as the needle repeatedly broken skin, placing a thin layer of ink under his skin. That was a lie actually. He knew, could name, every single step he took to get to this moment. The majority of these steps though, he wished desperately to forget. Which is why he was commemorating these defining moments in a way that would symbolize everything positive (however small) that came out of it.

_Freedom._

That's what it was. He was free from all the pain and suffering his dad had inflicted on him and his family. Wanting to focus on that feeling, Friday afternoon found him at the small town's only tattoo place, intent on getting a tattoo to symbolize everything he'd been through in the past few years. He had the perfect idea in mind.

* * *

James was starting to think that he did all too much thinking lately. He found himself spending _hours _on end just thinking, completely lost in thought. To say it was aimless or too scattered would be a total lie; it was focused solely on one thing and one thing only: Kendall. Now more than ever, he wanted the other boy, missed his strong arms around him, the way an instant rush of security washed over him whenever the blond was near. He longed for the erratic, excited race of his heartbeat when he felt Kendall's lips against his. He wanted all that again.

It was an early Saturday morning, way too early for James' liking. But unfortunately, it was something couldn't be helped. All night his psyche was plagued with horrendously reminiscent (and realistic) moments from his past. They were relatively happy memories but the fact that they were no more was what made them morbidly upsetting.

He knew only the security of Kendall's arms around him could calm his sadness but he was too stubborn, too scared to call the other boy. However, he was just a memory or two away from risking it all and crawling back to the blond. His mind obviously wanted him to call Kendall because the second he fell asleep, yet _another _nightmare crept into his mind.

The words echoed in his head as he shot up in bed, a thin layer of sweat coating his body. He would always remember these words, having followed the moment he came out to his mom. She'd been very accepting of it and had told him that once he found someone he loved who made him happy then he should hold onto that; not their mistakes or people's judgement. She told him that once he found someone who he was happy with, who treated him right then she'd be happy, whoever they were.

This alone almost made him take Kendall back; after all he was happiest when the blond boy was around and excluding the one major lie, Kendall definitely treated him right. He _loved _Kendall too so what was stopping him from being with him? He didn't even bother trying to fall back asleep, shakily reaching for his phone instead.

* * *

7am was not his favorite time in the morning to be woken up and he was admittedly a tad irritated but only until he saw who the wake up text was from. _James. _A shot of excitement surged through him; why was James texting him, especially so early on a Saturday. Curiosity fading to worry as he sensed the desperation James was harboring. He knew, without a doubt, he had to be there for James no matter what.

He knocked on the front door three times, wishing he didn't have to go through the main house to get to James' place. He shifted uncomfortably as a young woman answered the door, looking less than thrilled at his presence. She was beautiful with long brown hair and soft brown eyes to match. This must be James' older sister.

"Is James here?"

She stepped aside, silently reluctant as she let him in, directing him down the foyer and to his right, to the living room. His heart constricted painfully at the forlorn expression on James' face. It was momentarily replaced with a shining joy when he saw Kendall standing there. He launched himself off the couch and into Kendall's arms in an instant, arms curled tightly around his neck, body flush against his.

Kendall wrapped his arms around James' waist, holding him securely. He rubbed a soothing hand down his back as he felt the pretty boy's body shake in his arms. James buried his face in the crook of Kendall's neck, willing the tears to stop. He pulled away slightly, a small smile tweaking at his lips as Kendall gently thumbed away his tears. He already felt better just having Kendall by his side.

"I just didn't want to be able today," James confessed in a soft, barely audible whisper. "I have to spend all day with my family without my mom and no one will care that she's not there and I can't deal with that alone."

"And you don't have to," Kendall assured him, leaning forward to kiss his forehead. And James was more than appreciative of this.

The two boys sat on the couch, sitting close enough to where their legs were touching. James was picking at a loose thread on his jeans while his family chatted casually. Kendall tried his hardest to ignore the judging stares from all of James' family. He just focused on James and how upset he looked. He tickled James' fingers with his own, exchanging a sweet smile with him as he glanced up. Luckily by now, the rest of the family was too busy gushing over James' niece to notice their subtle affection. James' attention was drawn to the new ink circling Kendall's arm. His fingers lightly traced over the inked chain, stilling as the chain's links broke off.

"It symbolizes freedom," Kendall leaned over to mumble in explanation. James nodded in understanding and spent the next while tracing and retracing the broken chain, finding an odd comfort in it.

* * *

Initially Kendall thought it was just because James was ashamed of him. Then he thought that maybe James just wanted some alone time with him and that in turn made him even more nervous than before. James' family had suggested they all go out to dinner; they'd even invited _him, _granted it was probably out of reluctant politeness. It didn't matter either way because James immediately declined on their part.

Everyone else had gone, leaving just him and James, as well as James' three month old niece. Though he'd never really admit it aloud, he'd always had a soft spot for little baby girls. Ever since his sister was born, he found himself powerless against their sweet innocence or the fact that they needed to be protected. And it surely didn't help that this little girl had large brown eyes just like James'.

He was absolutely defenseless against James' soft brown eyes. He watched with a fond smile as James leaned down to pick up his crying niece, cradling the little girl in his arms. He could see the panic setting in on James' face when he couldn't get her to stop crying. It'd be a lie if he said James didn't look adorable, all helpless and panicky.

With a soft chuckle, he extended his arms towards James, knowing just how to quiet the baby down. James handed the little girl over, watching as Kendall instantly cradled the baby, gently rocking her. The sight was precious, to say the least. Kendall Knight, convict, holding something so innocent. It made James think for a second, solidifying what he knew deep down. Kendall was still the same boy he met and fell in love with. He hadn't changed at all. But it wasn't that that made him weary to return to the other boy. He was scared but he just had to learn to trust Kendall again.

James gasped in awe as his niece stopped crying and began to giggle as Kendall tickled her cheek. That wasn't the only thing putting a smile on his face. It was Kendall's tough inked skin contrasting to the baby's soft, pure skin and the way Kendall's embrace was the safest place in the world and he would never do anything to hurt this innocent little girl. He would never do anything to hurt _him. _Now he just had to trust himself enough to let Kendall in again and trust that he wouldn't get hurt.

* * *

A few hours had passed and Kendall had successfully lulled his niece to sleep. He carefully placed her back in her rocker, relieved that the movement didn't wake the baby. Kendall promptly excused himself to the bathroom, expressing a two hour need to piss. He smiled softly at the cute giggle James emitted as he left the room. After doing his business, he returned to the living room, stopping in the doorway upon seeing James talking to his sister. He felt mildly guilty but found himself listening anyways.

"Mom would've hated him," he heard James' sister say. "You can do so much better James."

After James just rolled his eyes and shook his head, his sister left and Kendall walked in casually, as if he hadn't just heard _that. _He did his best not to let his irritation show and approached the other boy, hands burning, yearning to reach out and touch the other boy. Unable to fully resist, he reached up and caressed his soft cheek, pulling away shortly after, not wanting to push any boundaries that may have been set.

He missed the days where he could just touch the other boy anytime he wanted, any way he wanted. He wanted to run his fingers through his soft hair, grip his slim hips as he kissed him passionately. Kendall shook these thoughts away, knowing they were only taunting him since he wasn't allowed to do any of that.

"I guess I better go," Kendall sighed because he didn't really want to go. Just being with James was enough of a natural high for him.

What happened next surprised him to stay the least. James' bottom lip was tugged between his teeth nervously as he reached out with shaking hands and laced their fingers together. "Can you stay with me tonight Kendall?"

"Of course," Kendall answered, a little breathless at how close James was and at the vulnerability shining in James' brown eyes. It was pure instinct when he leaned forward and pressed his lips to James' forehead, a pure instinct to comfort the other boy.

Kendall couldn't decide if it was heaven or hell that he was currently enduring. He was lying in James' bed, stripped down his t-shirt and boxers. The covers were pulled up over them as James' cuddled against his side. Kendall had his arm wrapped around James' shoulder, running his fingertips up and down the other's arm. This seemed to have a soothing effect on the brunette because his eyes were slipping shut and his breathing evened out. He was asleep less than a minute later. And this time, Kendall didn't ruin it. This time, he stayed and this time, he fell asleep with the most amazing boy in the world asleep in his arms.

* * *

Kendall woke hours later, chest heaving drastically as he came back to reality, shaking the dream's effects off. He'd been dreaming that James left him because he finally realized what a horrible person he was.

Typically Kendall was _not _one to be easily influenced by other people nor did he take their judgement to heart. But with James, it was different. It was always different when it came to the cute brunette. All his rules were broken concerning the other boy. He, for _once _in his life, found himself worried with his broadcasted perception. It wasn't so much of how everyone perceived him but rather how these perceptions came back to James and influenced _his _perception. James' view of him was _all _he cared about and he was left wondering how James could perceive him to be anything short of a terrible person with the way all his friends and family seemed to insist it was true. He was so sick of everyone's judgment and they were finally starting to catch up with him.

Carefully, as to not wake the stunning beauty sleeping beside him, he slipped out of bed, crouching down to brush the hair out of James' face, earning a sleepy smile from the other boy. He pulled the covers up over James', making sure he was warm enough before leaving the room, shutting the door quietly after him.

James woke slowly, rubbing his tired eyes and noting the time on his alarm clock on his beside table. _3:17_. A deep pang assaulted his heart when he saw that Kendall wasn't lying beside him. It faded slightly when he saw the blonde's shoes and pants still lying on his floor. He noticed the bathroom light wasn't on but the porch light was. Snatching the blanket off the bed, he shuffled outside in his PJ pants and wife-beater. He draped the warm blanket over Kendall's shoulder and sat down next to him. Without a word, he rested his head on Kendall's shoulder, wrapping an arm around Kendall's, keeping the other hand resting on his bicep.

"Please don't leave again. Just stay," James whispered, devastatingly desperate, like it wasn't a request, it was more of a _plea. _

"I'm a monster James," was Kendall's only reply. He kept his head bowed as he continued. "When I think about how I killed my dad, I don't feel regret or remorse. I don't feel anything."

"That doesn't matter you a monster," the brunette murmured softly, stroking his thumb across Kendall's smooth skin.

"Then why does everyone hate me?" Kendall asked, looking up at James with a teary gaze.

"No one hates you Kendall," James said softly, brushing Kendall's hair out of his eyes.

"Logan, Carlos, your whole fucking family," he muttered, averting his gaze from James' once more. His next words came out as an ashamed whisper. "_You._"

James titled Kendall's gaze up to look him directly in the eyes. "I don't hate you," he stated with the utmost sincerity.

"Then why won't you just be with me?"

Realization set into James' expression. "I'm just scared," he confessed softly, "I don't want to get hurt again. And I don't know if I can trust you."

"What can I do James?" Kendall asked desperately, cupping James' cheeks and leaning forward to press their foreheads together. His eyes fluttered shut briefly, a few tears slipping down his cheeks. "Please just tell me. I'll do _anything _to have you in my arms again."

James swallowed hard, tears shining in his own eyes at the sight of tears streaming down Kendall's face. He reached up, gently thumbing them away. "Just give me a little time."

Because after all, only time would tell.


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N: Holy crap. I can't believe this. This is the end. It's done. (except for the short epilogue that follows this). It has been incredible writing this. It has been my baby for the longest time and I can still remember the very first time I started writing it and where I was and what I was doing. Your guys' support has been phenomenal and I can't begin to thank you guys enough! It has been great writing this and sharing it with you guys. (and I will be in a sense of denial for the next week or two because I don't want it to be over).**  
**The song in this chapter is a mash-up of 6 songs that I couldn't pick from because they were all so relevant in different ways. Points/props/hypothetical prizes to anyone who can name all 6 songs. Review and let me know what you think about the chapter or the story as a whole, feel free to share your favorite part in the whole story. I'm interested what you guys liked the most. :)**

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Kendall didn't know if he was flying or falling. Being with James always seemed to have a certain effect on him, leaving him so content and happy that he can't help his cheerful mood. But when he had to leave the other boy, his high was cut short and his mood immediately sank. Returning home that next morning after spending the night at James' house was pure torture. He wanted to stay with James; he hadn't had his fix of the cute brunette yet. He still wanted more. Kiss, touch, hold him. _Everything. _

He let out a loud groan as he flung the door shut. He plopped down on the couch beside his little sister, whose attention was focused purely on the TV.

"Do you mind?" she questioned irritatedly at his loud noise.

He turned to look at the younger girl, chest heaving loudly in a sigh. "Why do I always fuck everything up Katie?"

"Don't ask me," Katie shrugged.

"What should I do?" he asked quietly under his breath, mostly just thinking aloud.

"Do what you do best," his sister said simply.

"Play hockey?" he questioned, clearly not getting the point of her suggestion. Before prison, hockey had been his life and he more than excelled at it. He was going to go professional before his life was involuntarily interrupted.

"No, idiot," she mumbled, swatting his arm a little harder than a young girl should be able to. "Write him a song."

Kendall's face scrunched up as he exclaimed in mild outrage, "I'm a way better hockey player than a songwriter."

Katie sighed, looking over at her brother with a hard, intimidating expression. "Do you want him back or not?"

The blonde's expression instantly went somber, every trace of humor and surprise vanishing, being replaced with the utmost sincerity. "I do Katie," he said quietly, longing and desperation evident in his voice. "So bad."

Crumpled paper after paper made its way to the close vicinity of his trash bin (he didn't have the best arm in the world). He had plenty of words floating around in his head and he had more than enough to say to James, he was just having trouble combining the two. He knew what he needed to say; he just didn't know exactly how to say it.

So every failed attempt was thrown into or near his trash bin and he would start over again, both frustrated and relieved at the new, clean start. It had to be perfect. It had to be just perfect enough so that James would take him back. The pressure just made it even more difficult to write. But sometimes, just the right amount of pressure was all he needed to motivate him to creating the perfect lyrics.

He was in the middle of his, what seemed like, one hundredth attempt when his phone vibrated in his pocket. Baffled wouldn't begin to cover it when he saw a text from Logan in his inbox. Preparing himself for something hateful and vicious, he opened it cautiously, fearing the worst. For a second, Kendall swore his heart stopped all together. Not because of something hateful Logan had written him but instead, because of five unexpected, terrifying words.

_James is in the hospital._

His hands shook violently as he sent a text back, demanding to know which hospital he was at. While waiting for the informative text, he slipped his jacket and shoes on, running out to the living room, telling Katie that he was going out and he'd be back in a while. Just as he stepped out the door, he got the text of the hospital name. He immediately headed towards there, running as fast as his feet would allow. His chest heaved as he struggled to breathe at the exertion, but he honestly didn't care. He was so scared that nothing else mattered.

Only one thing was on his mind. What happened? Why was James in the hospital? Was he going to be okay? He couldn't stand the thought of losing James; that would completely kill him inside. He shoved these thoughts aside and just ran faster, ignoring the tears rolling down his cheeks. The typically 30 minute walk was a mere 10 minute sprint at the pace Kendall was going at. He ran through the doors of the hospital, straight to the room Logan had told him.

He was panting dramatically as he approached the bed, worry fading only slightly at seeing James sitting up, seemingly okay. He immediately approached his bedside, violently trembling hands reaching up to caress James' warm cheeks. He brushed his thumbs over the soft skin, relishing the soft warmth that told him James was still there, still alive. Leaning over the bed slightly, he pressed their foreheads together, rushed breaths mingling together.

"I was so scared James," he whispered, voice shaky with fear and worry. "I thought I was going to lose you."

James smiled softly, still slightly weak. "I'm not that easy to get rid of."

Kendall chuckled, pulling away slightly to gaze into James' soft brown eyes. He stroked his thumb across the brunette's cheek, personally calmed by the feel of James' skin under his touch. "Good," he murmured quietly.

Carlos and Logan were obviously not over the whole murderer thing, seeing how tense they were the second he entered the room. Granted, Kendall was purely focused on James but he noticed after a few minutes in the room.

"We'll be back James," Carlos announced, voice obviously strained with control.

James nodded in understanding, his gaze fixing back to Kendall as his two friends left the room.

"I'm kinda surprised Logan texted me," Kendall mused aloud, taking a seat in the bedside chair. He instantly reached his hand up to grab James' hand, thumb rubbing across the back of his hand idly.

"I made him," James told him quietly, with a sly smile on his face. "He flat out refused at first but I demanded it and he eventually gave in."

"What happened James?" Kendall asked curiously, wondering what landed him in the hospital.

James sighed, hoping Kendall wouldn't freak out. "I took a pretty rough hit at hockey practice and they just wanted to make sure I didn't have a concussion or anything. They're still running a few tests and I'm going for an MRI tomorrow to make sure I don't have a concussion. If I don't, I'm free to go after that."

Hours had passed. James smiled fondly as he gently combed his fingers through the other's soft, blond hair. Kendall had his head rested on the bed and he'd fallen asleep a few minutes ago. He pushed at the other boy's shoulder, trying to wake him up.

"Kendall," he called softly. "Kendall!"

"Wha-?" Kendall questioned, shooting up from his spot.

James bit his lip, unable to stifle the giggle at the sight of Kendall's disheveled hair. He reached over and smoothed it back into place.

"Thanks," he murmured in appreciation.

"Kendall, go home," James demanded gingerly, not wanting Kendall to tire himself all day by sitting in his hospital room, especially when nothing was dangerously wrong. "Get some sleep. I'm fine here."

"I don't want to leave you," Kendall muttered honestly, rubbing his hand up and down James' forearm.

James smiled, "It's fine Kendall. I swear. Come back tomorrow if you want."

"I will," Kendall promised, standing up and leaning over to kiss James' forehead, before leaving the room and heading home, the perfect inspiration in his mind.

He returned the next day, just like he promised, but this time, he brought his guitar and a sheet of lyrics that was guaranteed to fix everything between them. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw James didn't have any other visitors. He wanted to do this, as soon as possible. He wanted James back.

"Hey," he called softly as he stepped into the room. His heart soared at the sweet smile that tweaked at James' lips. He could sense James' confusion towards the belongings he carried with him. "I wrote you a song," he explained, sitting down in the chair beside James' bedside.  
"Can I play it for you?"

Kendall's heart skipped a beat at the soft pink hue hinting James' cheeks as he nodded slowly, wordlessly. His smile widened even further as he settled his guitar in his lap, ecstatic that this was his opportunity to get James back. However, this fact made him extremely nervous, hands shaking as he gently strummed the strings.

"Sorry, it's kind of long," he mumbled, briefly glancing up at James with a hopefully unnoticably nervous smile. "I had a lot I needed you to hear."

With that, he looked back down at the instrument in his lap, checking the position of his fingers one last time before starting to play.

_I'm not a perfect person_  
_There's many things I wish I didn't do_  
_I made mistakes that, baby, I can never take away_  
_But I continue learning_

_I'm sorry that I hurt you_  
_It's something I must live with every day_  
_I want to tell you everything but I think we would change_  
_ Cos I did a lot of things and I just don t know what to say_  
_With everything I keep from you, you might think I don t love you_  
_But nothing could be further from the truth_

Kendall cringed mentally, knowing his nerves were making his voice shake and his notes falter. But as long as the words meant something to James, that was enough. That was all that mattered.

_And all the pain I put you through_  
_I wish that I could take it all away_  
_And be the one who catches all your tears_  
_That's why I need you to hear_

Over the past few months of getting to know the blond, James learned quite a few interesting things about him. One thing in particular he noticed was his fear, no matter how well the blond thought it hid it. James always saw right there his brave facade. He always saw it in Kendall's eyes whenever his past was brought up and the whole leaving after their incredible first time together was a testament alone to how scared Kendall really was. So James figured this had to be paralyzingly terrifying to apologize like this, completely bearing his soul. That alone, being absolutely willing be open and vulnerable, was enough to give him a second chance.

_I've found a reason for me_  
_To change who I used to be_  
_A reason to start over new_  
_And the reason is you_

_We're on the phone and without a warning_  
_I realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard_  
_I like the way you're everything I've ever wanted_  
_Every time you smile, I smile_  
_and every time you shine, I'll shine for you_  
_You're my weakness but you give me_  
_Strength_  
_You're my only reason_  
_You're my only truth_

Kendall was dying to look up and gauge the other's reaction but he knew that he would for sure lose his nerve completely. Though it took all the self control he possessed, he kept his head down as he continued singing.

_I need you like water_  
_Like breaths_  
_I need you like mercy_  
_From heaven's gate_  
_I need you like the blood in my veins_  
_There's a freedom in your arms_  
_That carries me through_  
_I need you_

James smiled softly as he listened intently to Kendall's obviously heartfelt lyrics. It made his own heart race with excitement. All these words were acting as a confession, telling James exactly what he needed to hear from the get-go. He could easily translate those words, those particular lyrics into three simple words.

_Falling a thousand feet per second, you still take me by surprise_  
_I just know we can't be over, I can see it in your eyes_  
_I had time to think it oh-over and all I can say is come closer_  
_Say that you wanna be with me too_  
_Baby, I'm never gonna leave you again,_  
_So don't be afraid_  
_Take a deep breath and jump then fall into me_

Kendall let the last notes fade to mere echoes as he finally glance up, heart pounding so violently he was sure James could hear it. His hands trembled in apprehension, setting his guitar down and waiting for James' initial reaction. Kendall was just about to pass out from holding his breath when James finally spoke up, locking eyes with his nervous green ones.

"I love you too Kendall."

Kendall released the breath with a happy laugh, ecstatic beyond any words to know that James still loved him and that he didn't mess up everything in his life. He didn't lose the single most important thing to him in the world. This building happiness left him momentarily speechless, supplying only a surprised, "Really?"

James chuckled, the perfect expression of fond joy written all over his face. "Yeah," he said, nodding his head, biting his bottom lip shyly.

Without another word, Kendall stood from his bedside chair, hands flying up to cup James' cheeks. There was nothing hesitant or yielding about their first kiss in weeks. Kendall held nothing back, his happiness to have James back, his guilt from messing everything up in the first place, and his promise that he would never do anything to hurt him ever again. And the way James was kissing back, answering his every insecurity, his hands shook for a completely different reason that had nothing to do with nerves.

He pulled away, slightly breathless, resting his forehead against James'. He brushed his thumb over the other's soft cheek, relishing the feel of his flawlessly smooth skin and how incredibly right it felt to touch it again. Bringing a hand up, he brushed James' soft hair back, repeating the action a few times, knowing the calming effect it had on both parties.

"I will never hurt you ever again," he promised in a quiet, but firm voice that held the utmost sincerity.

"Good," James replied simply, wrapping a hand around the back of Kendall's neck and pulling him down for another passionate, loving kiss. Kendall smiled into their kiss, knowing that, from here on out, his life was looking up and it was all thanks to a certain, gorgeous brunette that, he now knew, he couldn't live without.

"I still don't think that was necessary," James said as the two slowly made their way into James' room, Kendall's arm wrapped securely around the other's waist, helping him along.

"Hey, _you _were the one who said no to carrying you, so this is what you get instead," Kendall replied with a smug grin and if James wasn't still so sore, he might've hit Kendall for that. It was the day following their reunion and James had just been released with the hospital without a concussion but on strict orders to get some rest. Kendall had taken it to heart to personally ensure this happened.

Without a license (there were still certain aspects of his bad boy persona that he held onto), he drove James' car to pick up the brunette from the hospital, immediately following his text that he was being released that evening.

James had insisted that he didn't need any help getting in and out of the car but Kendall had whole-heartedly ignored him, helping him anyways. He wasn't sure if he was just scared of James falling and hurting himself or if he just wanted to be close to the other boy so he just settled for a combination of the two. Slipping his arm from James' midsection, he let the slightly taller boy sink down on his bed with a content sigh. With a smile, he crouched beside James' bed, reaching up to slide off his shoes, briefly tickling his feet just to hear the other boy giggle.

He let his hand run along James' sweat pant clad leg, stopping just after he passed his knees, realizing that this might be moving too fast too soon for the other boy. He wanted to touch every inch of James' skin, relearn each and every detail of his body but he wanted James to be comfortable with it. He didn't want to do anything make James feel uncomfortable.

"Sorry," he muttered, flashing a soft, apologetic smile. "We can go as slow as you want James."

And Kendall would never forget looking up to see a deep red blush painted on James' cheeks. Then, glancing back down to realize that taking things slow was definitely not on James' mind.

"My heart really wants to take it slow but my body seems to think different," James admitted, shyly tugging his bottom lip between his teeth.

Kendall looked back up at James once more, eyebrows arching slightly in question. He wanted to help James but more so, he wanted to make sure James was okay with what he had in mind.

James shivered at the inquiring look Kendall shot him. He would be lying to say he was a little hesitant, a little scared but he shoved all those feelings aside and nodded slightly, offering permission, offering himself to Kendall.

That look practically left the blond speechless. He wordlessly slid his hand up James' leg, stopping every now and then to squeeze a particular muscle or to stroke his thumb over a certain spot. His hand followed the curve of his thigh, rubbing his thumb along the inside, briefly making contact with the bulge growing in James' sweats. Kendall smiled softly at the short, barely audible gasp that left James' lips.

He moved his caressing hand up, letting his thumb hooked in the waistband of James' jeans and boxer-briefs, bringing his other hand up to help as he tugged them down gently, throwing them behind him carelessly. He let his eyes greedily roam over James' flawless body, taking it every single detail. With an appreciative smile, he kissed his way up James' long, lean leg, letting his kisses linger around his thigh. He felt his own body reacting as James' legs fell open with a soft whimper as his kisses trailed over the curve of his smooth thigh. He pressed a single kiss to the inside of each of James' thighs before shifting his attention elsewhere.

He dropped a hand from its grip on James' hip to slowly curl his fingers around his erection, experimentally stroking it. The sound James made following this action went straight to Kendall's groin. Hearing James moan at his hand was such a turn on for him. The fact that James trusted him enough to let him do this, let him see this side of him was even more of a turn on.

With that in mind, he leaned forward, a wide grin tugging at his lips as he brought them down to James' impressive length, parting them to wrap them around the head. He spent a couple minutes gently sucking on the very tip, his tongue circling around it, lavishing the sensitive tip every now and then. He would repeat this action a certain number of times depending on how loud James moaned. He enjoyed responding to James' every cue, listening to the sounds he made, paying attention to his body language.

So when James' hips jutted up ever so slightly and the softest whimper left his lips, Kendall instantly gave into his desires, letting his lips trail down slowly over his length. He couldn't help the moan that he emitted; the taste of James on his tongue, the thought of giving him such pleasure was beyond arousing to him.

He brought his lips back up to the head, swirling his tongue around it once more before pulling back to lick along the underside, enjoying the resulting shudder of the other's body. He pumped his fist over the hard length a few times, letting his hand still at the base as his mouth took over, head bobbing slowly. Picking up a steady rhythm, he glanced over at James as he relaxed his jaw, taking James down as far as he could.

The sheer beauty before him threw his head back in pure bliss, letting his body succumb to all the pleasure assaulting it. James couldn't remember the last time he felt _this good._ His shaky fingers curled into Kendall's shaggy blond hair, gripping it tightly as his back arched off the bed slightly, hips canting up, desperate for more. He could feel all the sensations building up and he was just seconds away from what could possibly be the best orgasm ever. His chest was heaving with the difficult labor of dragging enough air into his lungs to breathe correctly as he practically panted, rapidly approaching his release.

His grip in the other's hair tightened considerably as his lips parted to let out a soft, warning cry of Kendall's name before he came just seconds later, Kendall's name falling from his lips one more time, only this time, in a much higher volume.

Kendall gently stroked his thumb across James' hip as he worked him through his orgasm, swallowing every last drop. He pulled away with the softest, most satisfied smile on his face, leaning down to chastely kiss each of his hip bones, then making his way up to James' lips, kissing him ever so softly.

He climbed over James to fall down beside him, perfectly content to just lie with him, despite the persistent hard-on pressing against his jeans. He noticed James' sly smile as he reached over, fingers dancing along his belt buckle.

"You don't have to-"

The protest was cut off as James sealed his lips over Kendall's as a sweet way of silencing him and ending all protests. He deftly unclasped the buckle, expertly maneuvering the button out and sliding the zipper down. With Kendall's help, he slid all obstructing materials down the other's leg, giggling softly as he watched Kendall flail as he kicked them off. James' timing was seamless, capturing his lips in another kiss the second his head turned back towards him.

This was his favorite kind of kiss with James, the slow deep ones that could just go on for hours and hours and Kendall knew that these had been a persistent thought in his head but he didn't care because he could truly spend eternity kissing James just like this. His heart raced in excitement as he felt James' hand make its way down his chest, trailing over his thigh briefly before wrapping around his erection.

Knowing, _feeling _how turned on the blond was, James didn't waste any time, building up a steady rhythm, working the whole length. Every few strokes he would let his thumb run over the head, enjoying the way Kendall would groan into their kiss and his hips would jut forward, thrusting into his warm hand. Every other stroke he would let his fingers tickle over the other's balls, noticing the slight shake it caused in Kendall's leg. James decided to test this, gently rubbing his fingers over Kendall's balls once again, chuckling as his leg shook once more.

"_James_," Kendall groaned in a desperate whine that came out more like begging. James soothed him with a kiss and continued pumping his fist over his length, tightening his grip and speeding up his pace just a little, knowing that Kendall was close. He took advantage of Kendall's parted lips to slip his tongue between them, slowly massaging Kendall's tongue with his own.

This deep kiss muffled the moan that still sounded vaguely of James' name as the blond came hard, releasing himself all over James' hand. Kendall watched, mouth dropping open in awed arousal as James brought his hand up to his lips, tongue darting out to shyly lick up the thick substance. The blush staining his cheeks was the most endearing thing he'd ever seen and he couldn't help but thread his fingers through James' soft hair, tugging his face forward and pressing their lips together in a heated, deep kiss.

The whole thing left him speechless. No words could describe the elation running through his system at the moment. Kendall knew it wasn't just his recent release provoking this feeling. It was having James curl against his side with the sweetest smile, it was the quick, random kisses James placed along his neck and collarbone, it was having James in his life period and knowing that nothing could ever take that away from him again.

Kendall pulled the covers over through sated, spent bodies, relishing the warmth of James pressed against his side. He turned his head to the side, pressing a kiss to James' temple as he worked his fingers through his hair in a lazy, relaxed manner. "I love you James," he whispered against his hair, pressing another kiss to his head.

"I love you too Kendall."

_Those words. _Kendall knew those words had the power to take away all the pain he'd ever endured, all the mistakes he'd ever made and supply him with a brand new start. A blank slate that he was intent to fill with happy memories of him and James. And as he fell asleep, arm curled protectively around the sleeping brunette, he couldn't help but get a head start, a lifetime of future blissful memories erasing all the horrible ones of his past.


	17. Epilogue

A/N: Oh my god. I can't believe this. It's end. Absolutely finished. Nothing left to write. I still can't believe this. This has been so fantastic to write and I'm glad you guys enjoyed it so much! Thanks for everyone who read/reviewed/and all that good stuff! You guys are all awesome. I'm going to miss writing this so much. I'm going to go cry now.

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If perfection had a name, it would be James Diamond and if it had a moment, it would be this one. Kendall doubted he'd ever experienced such a perfect moment with such a perfect person. He had woken up a half hour ago, recalling the previous night's events with a wide grin. He couldn't imagine anything greater than being with James so intimately then falling asleep with him in his arms. That was a lie because waking up with James in his arms was even better.

The calm yet distinctly happy expression on James' sleeping face made his heart skip a beat. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful. He couldn't help but reach over and brush a stray piece of hair out of his face. The pretty boy stirred softly, his soft, brown eyes slowly fluttering open. His smile returned at the identical smile on James' face. The brunette inched closer to the other boy, his friends gently combing through his soft, disheveled hair.

Kendall grinned, reaching up to lace their fingers together, bringing James' hand down to his lips. He enjoyed the blush that crept across James' soft cheeks. Seconds later, he leaned in, taking James' bottom lip between his in a languid, loving kiss. They pulled away minutes later, foreheads resting together.

"Morning babe," Kendall finally said, stroking his thumb across James' cheek.

"Morning," James returned with the sweetest, most content smile.

"Sleep well?" he asked, trailing his hand down James' side, slipping it under the shirt he still wore.

James nodded slowly, "I haven't sleep that well in years." This brought a smile to Kendall's lips. "I could really use a shower though."

"I should probably join you," Kendall said with a chuckle. "You know, for safety reasons."

James giggled and feigned agreement, "You're probably right."

Kendall watched with interest as James slipped out of bed, sauntering off to the bathroom. He got up and followed him like a lost puppy. As James was leaning over to turn the shower on, Kendall came up behind him, placing his hands on his hips. James grinned, standing up and turning around to face the other boy.

Kendall slid his hands up to grab the hem of James' t-shirt, pulling it over his head. He laughed and instantly smoothed down James' staticy hair. James did the same but when Kendall's hair stuck up in a hundred different directions, James ruffled his hair even more. Kendall gasped in feigned shock and tickled his fingers over James' side mercilessly. Even as the boy shrieked in laughter, begging him to stop, he continued enjoying every second of his beautiful laugh. He stopped somewhat reluctantly, a few seconds later as James doubled over defensively, arms wrapped protectively around his midsection.

A fond smile spread over his face when James slowly straightened, standing level with him once again. He couldn't resist leaning in to press a soft, chaste kiss to James' welcoming lips. James smiled briefly against Kendall's lips, melting in his secure embrace. They broke their kiss but remained tangled together, arms wrapped around each other, just reveling the moment, being in one another's arms. James rested his head on Kendall's shoulder, eyes slipping shut, calmed equally by Kendall's subtle cologne and the sensation of his hands running up and down his bare back.

He pulled away, knowing that he was more than content to spend _all day _in Kendall's arms, if he didn't break away that second. With a sly smile over his shoulder, under the warm spray of water. A blush spread over his cheeks as Kendall stepped in behind him, letting the water cascade down their bodies. He stood behind James, his hands roaming over his body, over every inch of wet skin. He let them fall down to his hips as James rubbed body wash over his body. A grin tugged at his lips when the brunette spun around to do the same over his body.

He couldn't help, as James' touch tickled across his stomach, but reach up and cup his cheeks, bringing their lips together in a sweet, passionate kiss. There was no doubt in his mind, body, or soul that this felt _so right, _absolutely perfect. His thumbs brushed against James' skin as he pulled away, resting their foreheads together, chuckling as a mix of wet air blocked their view.

A soft giggle resulted from James and Kendall swore his heart soared. He pushed James' hair back, grabbing the shampoo and squeezing some into his palm. With a gentle smile, he worked it through James' hair, massaging his scalp with his fingertips. He enjoyed the way James' soft brown eyes fluttered shut in the most relaxed manner, his head subtly leaning into the touch. As James stepped under the spray of the water, rinsing his hair, he returned the favor, spending a rather long time working his fingers through Kendall's hair, thoroughly lathering it up. An affectionate smile tweaked his lips for no particular reason; it was just Kendall and that would always be enough to make him smile.

A few minutes later, James nudged Kendall under the water, giggling as he squeezed his eyes shut to shield them from the water pouring down his face. He gently wiped said water away, sneaking a chaste kiss to his lips. He loved how mundanely intimate this felt, practically chest to chest, the warm water cascading down their bodies. James would be perfectly content if he could start everyday just like this. Kendall relished the giggle James emitted but was a little skeptical when he grabbed another bottle, squeezing its content into his palm. He flinched away when he tried to put that gunk in his hair.

"What the hell is that?"

"Relax," he chuckled, forcing Kendall closer so he could run the substance through his hair. "A little conditioner never hurt anyone."

James grinned at the grumble from the other boy as he continued working it through his shaggy blond hair. Subconsciously, he started to hum softly which instantly Kendall smile. The two spent the longest time in there, just enjoying the closeness of their bodies and the warmth of the water. They finally got out when the water went cold, quickly drying off. James let Kendall borrow some clothes to wear, a pair of sweats and one of his old t-shirts. Once dressed (James wearing clothes similar to the ones he gave Kendall), James grabbed Kendall's hand, leading him to the kitchen. After a quick cabinet raid, he turned back to Kendall.

"All I have is cereal," he declared, "Or we could go somewhere."

The softest smile tugged at his lips. "Cereal sounds perfect," he affirmed, "I don't really want to leave...ever," he added as an after thought.

"Then don't," James said softly, taking a step back towards the other boy who was still wearing the most content grin. "Stay here all day," he went on, standing right in front of the other boy. "With me," he finished, letting his lips brush against Kendall's as he spoke these simple, sweet words. He smiled at the way Kendall continued to lean in as he pulled away. He leaned forward once again, obliging to the blonde's silent wish, pressing their lips together. He curled his arms around Kendall's neck, bringing their bodies even closer. He enjoyed the way Kendall's strong arms wrapped around his waist, holding him there tightly. James was the one to pull away a couple minutes later, brown eyes staring into gentle green ones, hand reaching up to caress his cheek. "We can stream moves from my laptop and order Chinese later."

And Kendall couldn't have expressed his agreement any clearer than with a firm but sweet kiss.

Neither boy could remember the last day they'd experienced such content perfection. After setting up his laptop to play movies through his TV, James settled down on the couch beside Kendall, drawing his legs up onto the couch, his head finding its way to Kendall's shoulder. The blond boy slung an arm over his shoulders, fingers stroking his arm idly every now and then.

The boys would take turns picking the movie, resulting in an interesting variety of genres. It was around Kendall's third pick when the day took a turn for the worst. Kendall almost cursed himself for thinking he could have a drama-free day with the boy he loved. That was obviously foolish on his part. Logan had dropped by (with Carlos of course) to pick up a textbook from James. Remembering he'd left it up at the main house, he ran to go get it, leaving him alone with the two people who hated him most in the world.

Kendall wasn't sure what it was exactly, whether it was putting up with Logan's crap this whole time or judgement in general, or the fact he'd interrupted his perfect day with James, but the exact second James left, Kendall reached his boiling point.

"Look," he addressed them with a calmness that surprised even himself. "Believe me, I _know _I've made mistakes, a lot of them, in my life. But the worst was hurting James and that's never gonna happen again. I love him with all my heart and I have no problem spending the rest of my life proving that to him. But I don't have to convince you too. I'm not going anywhere so I think, for James' sake, we should learn to get along."

James returned the following second, walking into the tense silence. His eyes shifted questioningly, between Logan and Kendall, hoping someone would break or at least explain the uncomfortable silence that hung in the air.

"Okay," he said, drawing out the first vowel in an attempt to ease the mood. He handed over the book to Logan. "Here you go."

"Thanks," the smart boy said shortly, nodding appreciatively before turning and leaving without another word, Carlos following right after him.

James closed the door behind them, turning back to Kendall, who was waiting on the couch expectantly. He knew Kendall was expecting him to freak out and demand answers about what had just happened. In all honesty though, he didn't care one bit; he still had Kendall and that was really the only thing that mattered to him.

"I'm hungry. Let's order Chinese now."

Another half hour later found them back on the couch. Kendall was resting back against the armrest while James was resting back against the blond, settled between his legs, his back against his chest. They each held a carton of Chinese, eating contently as they continued watching their movies. Kendall leaned his head forward over James' shoulder, trying to steal the noodle he was bringing to his lips. James noticed this and chuckled, "If you wanted some, all you had to do was ask."

James raised the chopsticks to his lips, missing them only slightly, the noodle falling from his grip, landing across Kendall's nose. James burst out in laughter as Kendall's eyes crossed and his tongue darted up in an attempt to retrieve the noodle. The brunette watched, tears in his eyes from such intense laughter, as Kendall spent the next 5 minutes doing this. Little did James know, it was just to hear his laugh.

After all the food disappeared and James' laughter died down, a serene calm settled over them. James was still resting back against Kendall, a blanket draped over them. The soothing way Kendall was running his fingertips up and down his arm was slowly lulling him into a deep relaxation; every few minutes his eyes would slip shut, only to flutter open seconds later in resistance to the persistent slumber creeping up on him.

Their most recent movie choice had gone completely ignored by both boys; James practically asleep and Kendall just watching the boy in his arms. He couldn't believe everything that had happened to him. After his incarceration, he never imagined something like this, someone like James, could happen to him. From the very second he laid eyes on James in that movie theater, to this very moment, having said boy in his arms, his life had took _another _drastic turn. After what he'd done, it'd been a struggle to get his life back on the right path. But James made that easy. Kendall did then what he'd been too afraid to do all along.

"I'm so lucky to have found you James," he murmured softly in the other's ear. "You're the one good thing that's happened in my whole life. You've somehow managed to erase all of my mistakes and still love me despite everything you know about me."

James looked up at Kendall with a sleepy smile, "Love you too Kendall."

Kendall smiled fondly, feeling his heart soar as he leaned down to press a loving kiss to James' lips. And as they fell asleep on the couch, in each other's arms, Kendall couldn't help but realize that, even though he took a few wrong turns along the way, he still ended up exactly where he needed to be.


End file.
